$12 Night: Prioritizing Marriage before Craziness Sets In
(This post is a partial reposting from 2 years ago because I feel it’s an important one for busy parents with kids who may need the extra nudge to prioritize their marriage as the school year begins.)
This last weekend my husband packed up his Westfalia camper van, snagged his willing wife (me!), and headed 45 minutes up the road to a beautiful campsite.
There we dry-camped (no hook-ups!) and enjoyed 24 hours of togetherness.
Quiet time & nature & reading by the fire
Exploring
But most of all, we enjoyed our time away from the kids!
I’m always surprised when I hear that a couple has never left their kids. And I do understand that everyone has different values, but for my husband and me – we want to make sure when our kids leave our nest, that we still like each other. Actually, that we still love each other’s company and prioritize our relationship.
We’ve always felt comfortable leaving our kids with family and friends. We come back more energized as parents, encouraged, refreshed and relaxed.
We ate lunch before we left, walked to a small café up from our campsite for dinner, brought pre-cooked scrambled eggs with turkey sausage and Dubliner cheese on top for breakfast, along with strawberries from our garden.
And of course coffee and our trusty French-press coffee maker. That we never leave home without, because there is nothing like a campfire and coffee, a book, good company and the brisk morning air! And just knowing that we are both there – sitting in silence as we read.
As I clamped the piece of paper on the post by the campsite stating we did indeed pay our $12 for the spot, I realized how blessed I am to have a husband who loves the outdoors. A husband who doesn’t feel the need to spend a ton of money to find happiness.
Our $12 night’s rate was perfect and it was just what we parents needed, two nights before the school year was to begin.
When was the last time you got away with your spouse, even for one night?
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I’m Sandy—lover of food, family, cooking, THE BIG BOARD, travel, and bringing people together. Through great recipes and connection around the table, we become better, stronger, and more courageous people. Feasting on Life is real, and every time we do it, we grow a little more. Read more...
Just had to stop by and say that this post inspired my husband and I to get out of town for a night and take our first ever camping trip together. Thank you so much for reposting. We found that we very much enjoy camping and have booked another trip next month to try and get the kids out with us before it’s too cold to camp. http://johnsonmanorisms.blogspot.com/2010/09/yosemite-or-bust.html
I love this! You are so right, prioritizing your marriage is key – and it doesn’t have to be expensive! This is a common tone I share when I work with overwhelmed moms – it is a matter of priorities and one question I ask when you are “choosing” your priorities – which did God give you first, your spouse or your children? By keeping things in the right perspective and realizing where your efforts sometime need to be focused, well…..things are better for everyone!
We love camping, I’m just catching up on some of my draft posts about our recent camping trips. I love that there’s no distractions. We don’t have kids but when we’re home there’s so many other things we have to sort, like accounts, paperwork, household chores, DIY jobs, the TV etc etc.
We camp so it’s even cheaper, from £4 per night and it’s so worth it! We have 2 tents now and we’re making the most of them.
Jade
You are so wise to know how important this is. Too often couples try this when it is a bit late and can’t get over the strain and relax. I love those calm, quiet minutes when no words are necessary.
You must’ve read our minds. We just talked with our BFFs two daughters and they are willing to come watch the 6 kiddos for us! Yay! Now what? lol It’s been over two years, can’t count the many nights in the hospital, right?
I agree that it is important to spend quality time with your sweetie. We even figured out next summer the boys will be at camp for a week together. So we are planning a getaway for just us. I’m thinking the Oregon coast. Cheers.
What do you do if you don’t really have family or friends you can count on to watch the kids? When we visit my in-laws once a year, they’re able to watch our four rambunctious children for a few hours, because there are multiple adults in the house and they are Christians that we trust. But over night is out of the question at this stage of the game. Even going on a regular date and asking one person to watch all the kids is too much (the kids are too much for us to handle most of the time! :) )
Every 3-4 months my husband and I usually have to take an overnight or weekend trip for our jobs. He is an administrator at our college and I am the lucky faculty member who is in charge of our accreditation project…sometimes on these trips I’m just the Mrs. but other times I am working too. Nevertheless, we always plan special time for just the two of us on these trips. No kids in the room, sleeping late, a nice quiet dinner with an adult beverage or two, and no 6 yr. old sleeping between us. I’m always reassured on these trips that we will have something to talk about when our 3 children leave us :) I do think this is very important though; we are very lucky to be able to take these trips that are paid for by our school.
Sandy
Your post made me stop in my tracks today! I never thought about the aspect of still being so in touch with each other that we remain close and love each other just as much after our kids leave the nest as we did the day we were married. Unfortunately both our families live in another country so we don’t have the luxury of grandparents helping out. We’ve used friends to babysit ONLY when we’ve had something that we’ve had to attend that didn’t include kids. When we’ve come back to pick up our daughter her bag has been packed ready for our arrival. It has always made us feel like we’ve been gone too long(usually it ‘s been less than 2 hours!). I plan to make it a matter of prayer that we will find a suitable babysitter that we can use, even monthly, for a date. Unscheduled time with each each is definitely taking a toll on our marriage. Thank You Sandy for highlighting this.
What a great reminder! My DH and I believe this whole-heartedly! In fact, we just left the 2 LO’s (3.5yo and 1.5yo) for a week in Hawaii to celebrate 10 years……it was wonderful! We are so thankful for family to watch them and the opportunities to get away. Even if it is a one night trip ;)
What a sweet and very important post. We have been married 33 years and are emptynesters and we still need to/want to plan dates together. Let’s go girls ~ and date our husbands. Thanks for the great reminder.
Cute picture of you and your honey.
Fondly,
Glenda
totally agree little get aways or time together will build a long and heathy relationship
What a wonderful post! My husband and I haven’t been away for an overnight trip (alone) in several years. It’s not that I wouldn’t LOVE to leave my kids with family, but my husband never ever takes time off from work and we can’t really afford a sitter for overnight. I try not to ask family to babysit too often, otherwise I get the “okay, but I am so busy and you’re really interrupting my time” response from my mother-in-law and my own mom teaches elementary school 5 days a week. :s
This post made me sit and think about ways that my husband and I could go on some inexpensive dates together, even if it’s just for an evening. :)
It’s been a couple of months due to the fact that we’ve been traveling, but we try to plan date nights regularly. We’d hoped to go to Rome for our 10 yr anniversary, but after some recent medical debacles here, we don’t feel comfortable leaving the children in a foreign country while we head to another.
This is an excellent post. My husband and I have always made time for each other. I’ve always needed it for my mental sanity and frankly, I like hanging out with the guy! Raising 5 boys can be taxing! I firmly believe love may happen on it’s own but a marriage needs nurturing just like any other living thing. I think your relationship with your kids is important but that your relationship with your spouse should be the first priority.
I was just talking to hubby about starting date night again. My inlaws should be home from CA this week (they stayed the summer there) so I’m planning on my dd having a sleep over there or even grandma coming here to babysit just for a few hours so hubs and I can go out to dinner, then after that I told him we really should make a date at least each month to have a night alone ;-) Love the sound of your get away…. and for such a great price :)
That is vitally important and last night we actually went out with another couple…no kids…for the first time in years.
My hubby and I moved away from family over 4 years ago and haven’t had a date-night in all that time. We have three kids, 13, 11, and 4. I realize the toll that’s taken on our marriage so hubby arranged one expensive babysitter just last weekend and whisked me off to a wonderful dinner, walking around Beale St. and a little bit of dancing. It completely revitalized our marriage. We both got so caught up in life and kids that we forgot about our marriage. I think you’re so right about the importance of time for ourselves. :) Thank you for the reminder!
This is a fantastic post! I have not been able to leave my kids over night…yet! We do faithfully take a date night once a week! I love how you show that it does not have to be expensive…but it is worth a million bucks!
That sounds like so much fun! My family used to camp, but I haven’t been in 12 years! My husband and I are fixing that! In a few weeks we are taking our children on their first camping adventure. :-)
You are definitely a woman after my own heart. Due to my foray into cubscout camping last year – and all the STUFF that we bought for scouts – we have found that perfect getaway is always just grabbing the camping bins already packed in the garage and just head out – even without the boys! And i have to agree – it’s the best alone time and i love sitting by a fire with a glass of wine and a book. Florida camping season for us natives begins strong in another 6 weeks when the temps die down and i cannot wait.
PS I saw in your sidebar that you’re working on finishing up the Balcony Girls ebook and I’m so excited!!!
This is such a great reminder, Sandy. Our kids’ sports keep us busy year round and we’re often going in two different directions. Having a night away, or even a few hours of uninterrupted conversation, is so wonderful even if making it happen sometimes feels like one more chore. Your camping expedition sounds like a great and romantic getaway! Love the gourmet breakfast in the morning – you make everything fab!!
Having a date night is something my husband and I need to do more of… but, I’m so tired of organizing everything that is family related, it’s hard to muster up the energy to put together a date night!