On Christmas Eve, as we were preparing for our course of a progressive dinner where 13 people would be joining together in our kitchen (buffet style), it was getting down to the wire.
On the Eve, and throughout the day, we counted 7 families who stopped by with goodies and gifts. We felt so honored and loved!
But as I kept looking up at the clock (4:30, 5:10, 5:20), and I knew our guests were coming in 10 minutes, I lost it. I was saying things like, why are we doing this? why do I commit to these things? get the salad ready! put the drinks here! wipe the counters! put this away! put that away! … and then I ran into my bedroom to put on a dress, boots, scarf, and lipstick.
DING-DONG.
What wasn’t done wasn’t done. Period. The night of Christmas Eve was about to begin.
Later we talked about the night as a family.
TRUTHS
1. It was cool how our whole family rallied together in the last 30 minutes and got everything done!
2. We were thankful for all of the friends that stopped by to wish us good cheer!
3. It was good I had thought ahead to what I wanted to wear, and had it laid out.
4. Once 5:30 hit and we started settling in with our guests, we forgot about the “mad rush,” and we were able to relax.
REGRETS
1. I didn’t start earlier in the kitchen that day to get prepared.
2. We weren’t able to take the time to sit down and visit with each family that stopped by.
3. I wasn’t more gracious in welcoming the people who came to my door. Instead I kept working away.
So here is a New Year’s question for you. If you knew you had around 15 people coming to dinner at your house, and this scenario happened to you, do you think it’s better to take the time and sit down and talk with the guests and let the “schedule” go out the door?
Or, keeping in mind that a progressive dinner means that you have to stay on a “schedule,” do you think I did the right thing by letting our friends come into our messy world (the kitchen was a disaster!) and chat with us while we continued to prepare appetizers, do dishes, and I guess you’d say “multi-task?”
I’d love to hear your thoughts? And I’ll tell you ahead of time, since each person has their own hostessing style, there really isn’t a right or wrong answer!
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
Thanks for sharing this Sandy. I tend to lose it at the last minute and fortunately my family senses this a jumps in to help. “If Mama ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy” as the saying goes. The best parties are the ones where everything isn’t done, but rather ones where the host and hostess are gracious and bubbly and the unimportant details eventually fall into place. Wish I could be more that way.
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You did the right thing because you made a commitment you needed to be able to honor, while at the same time letting your friends who came by unexpected see the real deal. I had similar situation at our progressive dinner but my only regret is I didn’t take a single pic! I was so tired from getting things ready that I really wanted to enjoy the fellowship with our friends. Who knows?! Maybe some others got pictures and can share with me
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Sometimes there just isn’t enough of me to go around. I have found myself in those situations where one part of my life delays the preparations of the next up and coming event. People first I always say. So when things get to crunch time. I find that if I am dressed, and the house is in order, the final food prep is no worries when guest start to arrive. People always ask me if they can help and I let them! I will put anyone who volunteers to work
The helpers feel better giving me a hand than watching me sweat. I have a few good friends that when they show up in my kitchen it is like pure poetry when we work side by side, like they can read my mind. Those are great friends to have.
I guess I’d rather push through the time crunch than not consider doing it next year. Most people totally understand.
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A very difficult situation, that’s for sure! For me, being with the guests, regardless of where, seems the most important. Allowing them to see the real you and your family’s activities is ok.
We all have a tendency to strive for “perfection” and it’s not necessary or reasonable. There are no Norman Rockwell Christmases ~ seriously!
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Sounds like you did the best you could with what you had. And based on the pictures we’ve seen here and the stories you’ve shared, I’m pretty sure your friends and families didn’t mind!
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What a blessing to have friends who will “stop by” I can’t remember the last time that happened at our house, tho we always tell people we love “drop-ins”. Living out in the country is the major factor—it’s rare for someone to happen to be “in the area”. The reason we love “drop-ins” is because there is no performance pressure—we weren’t expecting anyone, so we welcome them into our present reality—messes and all. (They did not come to inspect our dwelling, but to see US)—we clear away the clutter so they can sit down, & offer what we have (there’s always ice water) If we are working on something that can’t wait, we invite them to help, or visit with us as we continue. Usually things can wait. I also find, it’s like the Loaves and Fishes—when we welcome others and share ourselves and possessions, it all stretches (even time) and works out. I’ve experienced it so many, many times, yet I will still freak out—forgetting what’s truely important—argh!
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I’ve had similar situations happen like this – and just this Christmas. I ALWAYS tend to be a “Martha” (busily doing) rather then be a “Mary” (sitting, relating), and it bothers me. I know its my personality… but I would like for my character to not get so focused and bent out of shape (over my own expectations)… because, everyone can read me – I’m an open book and there is no denying that I look as stressed as I feel. I really don’t like this about myself, and I’m sure it makes others uncomfortable when they notice the hostess is “having a time of it”.
On the other hand, I shouldn’t have to walk around and chide myself about my shortcomings & failures. There should be celebration because by God’s grace, there can be change… there is change… and I will continue to pray for change to come – in my heart, my home and my life. The best part about coming to this conclusion is that since I’m sensing this and aware of my persona in these moments, then that is clue enough that God is working towards change. If we don’t know (it) – we won’t grow (in order to change it).
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I did almost the same thing. We hosted appetizers for our Progressive Supper and I ran around like crazy getting dressed right before the door bell rang. I also wish I had strated earlier in the day but with two little ones and a teenager it was impossible so I jsut ran around like mad and then settled down to enjoy myself once everyone arrived. It ALWAYS happens like that for me!
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Whenever we entertain guests, I try and no matter what put everything down once the doorbell rings and say the hellos, take the coats, settle everyone in, and then if need be get right back in the kitchen and grab anyone who’s willing to enlist their help in finishing up the meal. I find that people love getting their hands into the food. It makes the meal taste even better! And i leave the dishes for AFTER they leave. I’d rather unwind with them and talk over some tea at the end of the night rather than have them feel ushered out like it’s last call or something.
) Your food looks delicious! I strongly believe that all things can be forgiven as long as the food comes out tasting great…
My best, Lynn
*swing on by, I’m hosting an all natural giveaway extravaganza this week!
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Yes I agree you did the right thing. You made a commitment and honored it yet still took the time to visit with company beforehand. I’m sure they totally understood. Well done!
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I think you did the right thing, inviting drop-by guests into your kitchen to visit with you while you worked. If they had called ahead and/or were invited, then you should sit down and chat. In this situation, you had a responsibility to the progressive dinner individuals — and it was important that you be prepared for them.
By the way, your new kitchen is looking beautiful! I love the large island!
Happy New Year!
LaTeaDah from Gracious Hospitality
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this is a frequent problem that i have. and as my husband & i get older, the slower we move. i know for a fact that the only person it bothers is me! people love seeing that i’m not perfect & always love to pitch in.
my grown kids all showed up at 5 pm on Christmas Eve hungry & ready to eat with hungry little ones, too. i could have used another good hour to finish up & tidy up but they could have cared less about the mess! they ate what was ready & ate tenderloin & brie on french bread an hour & a half later. all went home happy & full, but way too early for me
we’re all still waiting on the grand tour, by the way. it looks fabulous!
hope you have a happy & blessed new year. it’s hard to believe that twenty-ten is almost here.
peace -
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First of all…you are being too hard on yourself.
Look at what you did!
You opened your lovely home full of Christmas cheer and hosted a festive fellowship for friends!
What a gift you gave.
My sister and I always wonder why more people don’t go that extra mile and create memorable occassions for family and friends.
We observe that so many people just don’t trouble themselves. They love what my sister and I adore creating for them…but so seldom do they extend such an invitation.
We wouldn’t have it anyother way though.
Even though hosting friends and family in your home can end up bringing out the SHE DEVIL in us all…it’s WORTH IT!!!!
My sister’s husband and my husband have just learned to WATCH OUT those last 30 minutes or so! My name is T-eresa on a good day…but my husband calls WHAT comes out of me the last 30 minutes before the guest arrive…J-ERESA!!!! HA!!
So…I just think you are lovely indeed for hosting an event that will be long remembered by all who dropped by!
Believe me…messy kitchen or not…rest assured they were all AMAZED at the whole deal!
XXOOXX
Good for you for being one of those few willing to open your home and brighten the spirits of others!
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You handled it perfectly right…there is no perfect way to be everything to everyone…it looked like fun, so mission accomplished.
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Sandy,
I wish you were my neighbor so I could learn how to HOSTESS like you do. If you doubt you did the right thing, just re-read your TRUTHS you listed and you will see that it all went very well. Just focus on the positives! You make a BIG difference in a LOT of lives, young lady, so please remember that.
RE: REGRETS
I don’t think ANY of your drop-ins will even remember any regrets at all. They enjoy being around you and your family and your hostessing skills. Maybe they dropped by to see your prep in action! You are a great mentor.
Love from snowy Oklahoma,
Betty G.
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Ummm, I just want 7 family friends to drop by with sweet gifts. Precious. That speaks volumes about who you are… it’s a trick question. kind of like a “Sunday School question” where Jesus is always the right answer. I knwo the “right”answer, but reality is a whole different ball game. Sounds like it turned out beautifully. You have a beautiful house, BTW.
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I don’t think many people expect a woman to be free on Christmas Eve to just sit and chat. I’m sure they loved being invited in while you kept working, and completely understood. Just try to picture it if you were on the receiving end…you would understand. It could have been different, if you didn’t have a tight schedule/timeline for the dinner looming. Now worries! Sounded lovely.
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Sandy- what a wonderful dilemna. It seems that you planned ahead in many areas.
My dilemna is the perfect house syndrome; rather I should say it was my dilemna. Through your blog and through a very loving sister-in-Christ I’ve learned that folks come to be with us and not always to see my house.
Although with your new kitchen redo, I imagine some did come to see the house
Thank you for sharing this timely posting.
Peace.
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Thanks for all of the comments. It’s great to read different perspectives. I believe all of our friends are so gracious and that they expected nothing more than a Christmas hug and were completely understanding. I think Jennifer go it right — who expects a woman to be free on Christmas Eve? LOL.
Fun discussion. I’m so thankful for great friends (but not for the pounds they put on our hips with all the delicious foods!) LOL.
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I think your “drop in” guests would understand completely if you kept working while you were visiting. What you did right in your post was a good idea, just go over what you would do again or what you would do differently. It’s usually about having the right attitude!
Happy New Year
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Wow, great question. Although I have never done a Progressive Dinner I tend to overdo regular entertaining and family dinner so I have to stay on a schedule. I do try to multi task or else dinner would be at 10pm. I think if you’re really showing attention while washing the dishes, let’s say, then your guests won’t mind.
I am sure you did the right thing because that’s what you chose to do at that moment.
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YES!!! You did the right thing, but I need the recipe for the BEAUTIFUL salad you made!!!
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I find a need to be the multi-tasker and tend to things as the night goes along, but often I feel the same about not visiting with each guest. I think you just have to do your best and try to relax. That is what gets me frustrated, when I feel like I have not taken time to enjoy the company.
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I’d say that you should go ahead and stick to your schedule. . . and be really glad that you’d laid out your clothes beforehand! Maybe the takeaway lesson for next year is to do a bit more the day before so that you FEEL relaxed as you keep working with your drop-in guests.
Best wishes for the new year!
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I think you did the right thing!!! You still got to visit with your friends….I know I wouldn’t have cared if it was myself dropping in on you. It would make me feel better to know you were not perfect just like me.
Would you post the recipe to that salad…it looked so pretty and healthy!!!!!
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LOL – As the mom of 5 sons, you better get used to hanging out in my kitchen while I run behind schedule – that’s where the fun is! Truly good food doesn’t come from a perfect kitchen! It’s a Mary/Martha kind of thing – you can get so caught up in the “job” that you do not enjoy the blessing!
I want to come eat next year:) Happy new Year!
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Before I forget about it – The salad you showed in your first picture looked absolutely fabulous. I would love to have the recipe.
And yes, I believe that you did the right thing. You had invited people into your home where you were going to be the hostess, and along with that came certain responsibilities that you honored.
And then you had your wonderful friends that dropped by for a visit. How fortunate to have such wonderful friends! And even better, you are good enough friends with them that you were able to be yourself – rushed and all – and they were okay with it. You were transparent with them. You could have sat down and tried to be the hostess to the unexpected guest, but all the time your attention would have been divided, because you would have been distracted by worrying about all the things you still needed to do. By doing those things, and not worrying about them, I believe that they two got the best of you.
Did I tell you that that salad looked great!
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Agree with the others…you did the right thing! So smart you set out your clothes and were able to get “game ready” in no time. Am looking for some ideas on taking off the extra inches I gained enjoying these holidays!!
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