The Balcony Girls and I met last week, and being dressed in somewhat of a queen’s attire, my goal was to pull the girls into my drama as I whined, I cried, and then pitched a fit. What a big baby!
No, really I was acting like a DQ. A Drama Queen.
Drama Queens make something out of nothing. Oh, and by the way, I’m not talking about girls who are exuberant in life, funny, and loud – you know, the kind that do well in school plays. I’m talking about girls that like to bring other girls into their meanness and insecurity … (cliquey might be a good word here) … into their drama.
We talk a lot about Drama Queens in our house. The other day we even discussed the subject with our teenage sons, so they can be prepared in life as they deal with DQ girls! We pointed out to them what to look for.
Drama is intentional. It is not an accident. It usually is deliberate! It’s exhibited in a person who’s not getting what they want, and by golly – they are going to get it. And often they want it from YOU!
Next I showed the girls how “drama” can come across in meanness, in looks, or jokes, or even notes or text messaging (or Facebook or email!).
Eggshells
I then asked the girls to help me out. They each drew a scenario out of a cup: gossip, eye-rolling, silent treatment, and walking on eggshells! Walking on eggshells – you just never know how to act around that girl. Is it a day she’ll be nice to you and include you? Will she even talk to you?
Eye-rolling
When it came to “eye-rolling” I explained to the girls that this, or even what I call “big eyes,” is a sign of contempt and disdain toward a person. It’s a position of saying “I know more than you!” It’s a sign of supremacy! Eye-rolling is one of the rudest gestures you can do! And Drama Queens love to do this. I’m always surprised at how many of their mothers let them get away with it.
Gossip and whispering
We laughed as we role-played, but role-playing works well with teen girls. It draws them in, involves them in the lesson, and it gets the point across, especially when we’re talking about gossiping, whispering, and just plain rudeness.
(even our doggie sits in on the lessons!)
Don’t get sucked in
When we turned the vacuum cleaner on, I said, “Don’t get sucked in, girls,” as I threw a bunch of paper on the floor and we vacuumed it up. “Drama girls LOVE their own drama! And they love it when others join in!”
These role-play ideas are simple for 7th grade girls, but I believe any way of visually showing them a life lesson that will impact their minds and hearts will work!
When my family met a couple of weeks ago (remember, I have 3 teens in my house!), we came up with these solutions when dealing with a DQ:
- Be smart! recognize what’s happening
- Let them know you have their number
- Let them know you know what they are about
- Ignore and walk away
- Don’t get sucked in
- Hang out with other girls
It takes confidence, but once you stand up to a Drama Queen, it gets much easier. Once you become wiser to what they are about, you feel more free.
As I’ve said for the last 5 years with my Balcony Girls group, it takes a wise mother to help her daughter and to observe her friendships. Of course we can’t be there at all times, but we can certainly pay attention when the girls are in our home!
Being Valentine’s Day week, we made individual heart brownies and each girl decorated their own to take home.
My tablecloth was oooh, a tiny bit wrinkled. But that’s okay – it was festive, pink. And our snack was Chix Noodle Soup (yup, out of a can!)
A little fun.
Smart girls who “get it.”
A whole lot of love.
And very teachable girls.
Who, by the way, do not stray away from one of my BG rules: We may talk about true-life scenarios, but we never mention names while in a group setting. That is a respectful way to talk about the problem, and come up with a solution, without slandering or gossiping ourselves!
I always come away refreshed after Balcony Girls, because I know our time together makes a difference!
(Don’t forget I’m giving away 2 COPIES of House of Havoc – winner’s announced tomorrow!) This post is linked to Chatting at the Sky’s A Truce on Tuesday.
{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
What fabulous reminders….for us as well! Thanks for sharing!
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I teach in a high school and see these girls on a daily basis! Thanks for sharing and for the term “DQ” – I know I will use that one!
Greta´s last blog ..Valentine’s Projects – the good and the ugly
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Those girls are precious, Sandy. How blessed they are to be a part of BG! And what a great lesson.
Thanks for sharing,
Traci´s last blog ..I’m crazy about containers!
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What a great session for those girls. I just shared the abbreviated version with my 9 yr old daughter who deals with such things all the time. Thanks for this post.
duchess´s last blog ..It’s a great day to be a kid or a dog.
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Hi Sandy, I think what you are doing with
“Balcony Girls” is awesome… I wish my daughters (now 30 and 26) would have had “Balcony Girls” in their teens… I love your blog…. just found it a couple of months ago and now it is the first one I look for and read each morning…. Please include me in your drawing for the book “House of Havoc” that I desperately need… My answer to your question ( (6.) knowing when to keep and when to throw, whichever area you’re working in!) that is what I definitely have a hard time with ….. I am always afraid to throw something out because I think I might need it sometime, so I have a hard time making decisions when trying to de-clutter and spend alot more time than necessary…. (hence, ending up with just as much stuff as when I started)..
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I really like this. And you’ve really got me thinking about doing something like this with my 3 girls.
Julie´s last blog ..Not Your Typical Topiary
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You should write a program and a book on Balcony girls!
sandy toe
Sandy Toes´s last blog ..Questions, questions
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I love this. I’m going to share this with my teenage daughter. You are such a blessing.
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Sandy, I salute you for investing in these girls’ lives. I have a 7th grade son–I wish your girls were in his class!
How wonderful that your Balcony Girls are getting to learn this lesson from you. I’m constantly amazed how many adult women are DQ’s. . . and they still suck people in, even in adulthood.
You go, girl! God bless you!
Richella´s last blog ..Whose day?
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I just love the concept of Balcony Girls. I love how you are mentoring these young girls, and believe you are making a big difference in their lives! I love the role playing scenario. I did that with my son when he was in 2nd grade and already being bullied. It was helpful.
Keep up the great work. I pray for my boys wives often.
Rhonda´s last blog ..Will You Be My Valentine?…Class Valentines
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What a great session with girls sandy. Such great advice and they had so much fun with those brownies.
Tina @ Mommy’s Kitchen´s last blog ..Friendship Casserole ~ Dinner for a Friend
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Love this…those pics are so cute and so are the girls!
Stephanie @ Geezees´s last blog ..New Web Design for Geezees Custom Canvas Art – Something good to say??
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awesome Sandy. I have talks frequently about DQ’s!!
Kirstin´s last blog ..Happy Valentines Day
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I love reading about your Balcony Girls. I work at a middle school and have for nearly 4 years, 2 as a sub, and almost 2 as a full-time employee. I definitely see so much drama and cruelty there. I am not a teacher, so I don’t have much opportunity to actually address this behavior. I wonder if a group like yours could be started as an extra-curricular club at a school? I see it as being every bit as valuable, maybe more so, than some of the anti-substance abuse clubs, etc., because many students will never try drugs or alcohol (or at least not while very young), but every student is affected by the behavior of their fellow students.
Thanks for sharing!
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I’ve been reading your blog for a couple of years now and love the way you share your heart in everything. Just wanted to say a simple thank you for sharing your life lessons with us!
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I really love the Balcony Girls program. Remember very pointedly how tough middle school was and think talking in a straightforward manner about how peers communicate and why can only be helpful. Nice work!
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Sandy: Thanks for the lesson with the girls. It is amazing how many boys really need this also as they begin to interact with girls. My son and I had a very long conversation about this very thing back in October. He was having some very big issues with a “DQ”. She was his best friend and just a little abusive. I had him stand up to her and sadly their friendship was over. As he moved passed this though he has found other friends. These friends are what my daughter likes to call, “true friends”. He has found himself happier and enjoying things with them with “no strings” attached. What a beautiful thing
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This is FANTASTIC! Not just a lesson for girls either.
I know a few women who, unfortunately, have made it to adulthood still exhibiting the DQ factor in their lives with their husbands, children, friends and co-workers.
I also have to say that as an adult, it is still easy to get sucked in and is just as painful if you get caught in their crossfire unaware.
What an excellent lesson, reminder, challenge and encouragement all wrapped up in one lesson! THANKS!
Donnetta´s last blog ..Seasons of the Heart
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What a wonderful gift you are giving those girls and your family…knowing how to engage people like that is half if not all of the battle.
Melissa Multitasking Mama´s last blog ..To be honest…
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What a great night! Very inspirational.
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Thank you for the wonderful reminder (girls at ANY age) can use. I needed that!
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I love these object lessons! What a wonderful way to reach those young girls right where they are. I’ll have to clue in our youth leaders. Thanks for sharing.
Southern Gal´s last blog ..Happy Birthday to my oldest…
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Absolutely brilliant! What a perfect idea and to be honest, I think many adult women need to learn this lesson. I recently got tired of a drama queen myself and walked the other way. It’s so draining, you are right.
It looks like the girls had a wonderful time.
Bridgett´s last blog ..Chipotle Vegetable Stew
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Kudos to you for building into those girls … I teach in a high school (home to many DQs) and so much of what you wrote is so true … honestly, we just found out that our “in utero” babe is a girl, and I’m nervous …
keLi´s last blog ..When Every Day is Valentine’s …
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Your timing on this was perfect- for my son. He is having problems with a couple DQs right now at 11. I am so used to being on the girl side of this problem. Thanks for the post!
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Brilliant. My girl is only 8 yet already we are dealing with DQ issues regarding peers. You did such a great job of explaining the issues and really breaking it down. Love this!
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wow. balcony girls. really cool.
…I have a four year old. And I’m already dealing with some of this DQ stuff with her–she is that girl that’s going to do good in school plays, so being a DQ herself is already a definite temptation…I just might have to use some of these ideas with her too! HA!
grace´s last blog ..I’m still drinking an Iced Mocha tonight–
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I just love the concept of the Balcony Girls and although my little one is only 2.5 I can see this as something I really would like to do with her. It is so inspiring and just what smart young girls/ladies need in this crazy world. Thanks!
Holly L´s last blog ..DIY…A Birthday Chandelier!
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I love what you are doing with your Balcony Girls. I have three girls, my oldest is 9. I would love to start a program like this for her and her friends. What an amazing gift you are giving these girls. I love reading about it.
Amy´s last blog ..On the Road to Relevant
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Wonderful! While my “DQ” is now 25 and married, my bro & sis-in-law have THREE “DQ”s and will appreciate this very much!!!
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Such a great post! I love what and how you are teaching these girls Biblical principles and life lessons!
My daughter and I both cheered when middle school was over. We talked and cried (me on my pillow) through so much drama of those 7th and 8th graders. But she came through the other side and found some wonderful friends who are still her best friends (and most are now in their freshman yr. of college).
Linda C
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Important discussion. DQ’s usually make mountains out of molehills and the sooner girls (or boys) learn to recognize that and not play into it the better. You are providing such a gift to your Balcony Girls.
Darla
Darla´s last blog ..South of Broad (book)
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Love this post. I’m 34 and I still know a lot of DQ’s. Just found your blog and I’m in love. I know what I’m going to do with my Saturday night
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