Fifteen years of history, I see as I’ve flipped through the index cards that I have rubber-banded together. I see names of couples and families, along with faces etched in my mind. The dates of when we had these families over, or even what I served, is not what’s gnawing at me. No, the “names” and memories are what’s staring at me …
What has happened to this couple? Why did they divorce? We used to have so much in common! Oh, the pain that their family has endured … as I think of one couple in particular who did divorce, and then a few years later they lost a child.
My mind then takes off and starts to contemplate relationships. We’re made for them, we’re to pursue them, we need them – but oh so often they can turn into a painful situations as things don’t turn out the way we expect. It’s true that differences, different paths, or even pride can get in the way of what was once a close-knit relationship. Sometimes they change because they’re no longer healthy. We all grow and mature and sometimes life takes us in different directions.
But there is still a memory. A strong feeling. A good feeling. A deep feeling of love. That is what hospitality is all about.
The great writer Henri Nouwen describes hospitality as “a central attitude of the minister who wants to make his own wounded condition available to others as a source of healing.”
Being real and opening up our homes and lives with others can actually help heal our guest’s hurts. That is just a beautiful thought!
Back to my index cards that I started on Day #1 of my marriage: A set of index cards on which I recorded the name, date and what I served for my guests. I did this in fear that I would serve the same thing twice to my guests – God forbid! But little did I know that almost 20 years later, as I flip through these cards, that they would have deeper meaning …
“We do not know where we will be two, ten or twenty years from now. What we can know, however, is that man suffers and that a sharing of suffering can make us move forward.” (Henri Nouwen)
Do you ever reminisce about couples or individuals you’ve dined with?
Hi, I'm Sandy. Five years ago I stocked up on beautiful glasses from the Dollar Store. As I started writing about dinner parties, I realized that this “icon” portrays a great message. 
I have….. and so often I wish I knew where they were or what they were doing. So, in that moment, I pray for them.
Have a great day everyone!
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Yes! and no… not enough.
You’re cards made me think of one thing. We often find ourselves having the same people over all the time…as though to “keep it comfortable” or easy. Truth is, we love having them here in our home. Their wonderful friends.
But we’ve been challenging ourselves as a couple/family to invite those folks over that we don’t know so well – in effort to broaden our friendship horizons. It’s been fun, challenging and yes, nerve-racking. But after their long gone, we find ourselves (my hubby and I) replaying the conversations…etc. You know, by that, it was a good time, a good experience.
.-= Bevy´s last blog ..Button. Button. Who’s got a button? =-.
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Often we do think about the many couples and families that we have hosted. We have moved a lot of the years and sometimes distance from family kept us from being home for holidays. We have shared those celebrations with so many outside our family and we will always remember how unique each event was as we were so far away. Instead of index cards, I have pictures from nearly all of our events. I can only think of a couple that I have missed over the years. It is fun to go back and look over them.
I, too think of all those who have split up and moved on. It makes me sad and also wonder if there was something we could have done to help it.
I do love the index card idea and may need to start it.
.-= Jennifer´s last blog ..That’s My Boy! =-.
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I have. A few years back, all within the same year, a large group of couples that got together often had 3 young couples get divorced. It was devastating and heartbreaking to say the least. The rest of us bonded even more through that time and still get-together regularly.
.-= Amy from She Wears Many Hats´s last blog ..National Food Bloggers Bake Sale =-.
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Henri Nouwen is full of wisdom, isn’t he?
I love your index card idea. I wish I’d done that! But nothing’s stopping me from starting now. . . better late than never!
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Oh I wish I had done this when I was first married. What a great idea. And I love the deeper meaning of the cards you have now. What a great record of memories. I think I need to grab some index cards and start this now. It is almost my 10 year anniversary. I think that would be a great starting place for the years to come.
.-= Amy´s last blog ..Building Up or Tearing Down =-.
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Oh my what great history you have with those cards. I wish I would have thought of that. It would be great to remember the names of people that have had a meal with us :0)
.-= ellen b´s last blog ..Walk With Willow ~ =-.
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Unfortunately, we do not entertain enough. We have family over twice a year for birthday parties because my husband gets stressed over company. I think what you’ve done with your index cards is really neat! What a way to enjoy some memories!
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What a great idea. I kind of wish I had thought of something like that.
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I love the Nouwen quote about hospitality. Could you tell me what book or article it’s from?
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What a great post. It brought tears to my eyes and touched my heart with memories of my own.
.-= Bridgett´s last blog ..Roasted Pork Loin with Roasted Garlic Vinaigrette =-.
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Fabulous post~♥ I do think of couples I’ve had over or ones that invited us into their homes. So many relationships change over the years that is for sure.
Robin~♥
.-= Robin Beck´s last blog ..Sums It All Up~ =-.
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I loved this post Sandy. The answer is yes and often. It is amazing how someone can enter your life with so much energy and before you realize it, that energy has fizzled away. Yet they made a lasting impression in your life. I love this idea of the index cards and plan to start something very similar. Of course I’m secretly hoping that I can enter your name soon. We’d so love to have you over for dinner.
.-= Selena´s last blog ..Apron Giveaway =-.
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What a fantastic idea! It makes me think of something my grandmother would have done. The same grandmother who had me over for lunch once a week during my engagement so that I could learn her recipes. Do you know what I’d love? I’d love to hear some of your favorite menus. I’m always uncertain about what kinds of dishes to mix for a pleasant menu and love cookbooks that organize recipes by whole meals. Do you want to share some of your favorite?
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Oh, that is a wonderful idea. I wish that I had started that when I first got married. I think that I will start it now and try to keep it up. It really is amazing how life changes and the people that you think are the “perfect” couples change. Thanks for sharing.
Hugs, Leanne
.-= Leanne´s last blog ..Moving on Up =-.
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Thank you for one great post that included both relationships and Henri Nouwen! Yes, we do reminisce about time shared over meals with friends old and new. I needed the motivation to rekindle the habit in this city new to us.
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The guests we had as a new married couple were priceless moments.
I remember making the same thing over and over again and sending people home with a loaf a bread from my new breadmaker
.-= Hopefull´s last blog ..my middle guy is 11 today! =-.
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What a lovely thing to have done. Keeping all those notes and memories.
You know you could market that idea. It would be a great gift for a bride. Sort of and entertainment journal for the newlyweds.
Think about it:)
.-= a woman who is´s last blog ..Let the season begin! =-.
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I love the index card idea — we’ve thought before about doing a wall of guests — some type of picture frame that we added to throughout the year of our dinner guests, and we’d have one for each year…but we haven’t done it yet — the index card idea is one I could start right away.
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You and your family have beautiful hearts, Sandy. I love the way you think and the way you love.
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Is it dorky that I got a lump in my throat reading that? You touched me today
.-= Molly @ thecreativemaven´s last blog ..A Front Porch Makeover: The Before =-.
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Love this idea!! Gave you a little shout at hurdlereb.wordpress.com. Thanks for the inspiration!
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I love the index card idea! Not just to make sure you don’t serve the same thing twice, but for reminiscing about great memories with friends.
.-= pk @ Room Remix´s last blog ..Area Rugs/Window Treatment – Questions Answered =-.
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I so enjoyed this post. I recently went through recipe cards I had been given through the years, although they number diminished in recent years. I held them and relived the times they were part of our lives. I wrote them in a family computer recipe book with the story of each friendship. After 30 years of marriage I too wondered how each were and cried over those who have left this earth. My first time here, and new to blogging, but will be back.
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Wow! I wish we’d started that 10 years ago when we were married. I’d love to look back and have more specific memories of who we entertained. Gonna have to start now.
I also wanted to let you know that we had a couple over yesterday from church, and as I was preparing, and beginning to stress out- God brought a thought to mind. The Reluctant Entertainer…!! I remember reading in a blog post recently something about entertaining being more about inviting people into your home & sharing with them, than it is about having a spotless home & the perfect meal. And that comforted me… I know that I picked that thought up from your blog. Thank you for putting your own experiences and thoughts out there. They have helped me!
Blessings-
Sarah
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Friday Flashback: a home to remember =-.
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Kristin…my blogging partner in MD..gave me a book called The Good Cook’s Book of Days~A Food Lover’s Journal….when we moved away to MN. I keep track of all our parties and guests and good wines. ~Chris Ann
.-= LoveFeast Table´s last blog ..Fancy Friday Doors and Walls =-.
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