I’ve heard from many readers who write to me and say they just can’t afford to entertain. I certainly don’t want to go through life, and then wonder if it could have been richer and fuller, knowing I could have reached out more.
My ideas here are very simple.
- Everyone has the ability to borrow
- Find a friend who won’t mind sharing
- Don’t forget Good Will & yard sales
- Delegate the menu–there’s no reason why you have to do it all
- Serve water and have the guests bring other drinks
Get it out of your mind that you have to spend a ton of money to entertain.
Saying “I don’t have the money” is just an excuse, most of the time.
This dinner party was of Easter this year. The plates I found at a yard sale, the glasses and vases were from the Dollar Store, and the fresh flowers were from my front yard.
Again, if you haven’t read the “Joy Busters” chapter in my new book, The Reluctant Entertainer, I think you might be challenged. And you may sense some freedom coming your way …
WIN A COPY!
Leave a comment today to be eligible to WIN my new book, The Reluctant Entertainer. You’ll be able to read about my Joy Busters and get a lot more savvy entertaining ideas.
TWEET or FB or POST!
Tweet, Facebook, or post about this giveaway and you’ll get a 2nd chance to win. Make sure and come back tell me.
COMMENT to WIN!
Are you okay with asking your guests to contribute to the meal, to make it more affordable for you?
***PLEASE NOTE: The giveaway has ended and winner announced, HERE. Thank you everyone for entering.
Join my 31-Day friends …
Chatting at the Sky, Nesting Place, Balancing Beauty and Bedlam, My First Kitchen, Life With My 3 Boybarians, Remodeling This Life, The Inspired Room
Hi, I'm Sandy. Five years ago I stocked up on beautiful glasses from the Dollar Store. As I started writing about dinner parties, I realized that this “icon” portrays a great message. 
Absolutely- not just affordable to my pocketbook, but it affords me peace of mind, more time, and SANITY!
Over here, “potluck” is not part of the culture. In fact, if you have a birthday, you’re expected to hold the party! It’s been interesting lately as we’ve had several office parties for large groups of people and they have been potluck. Our foreign service nationals and their families have been invited and it’s been a bit hard for them to understand the whole potluck concept!
Tara G.´s last [type] ..Gymbucks Anyone
[Reply]
Bobbie Reply:
October 12th, 2010 at 2:51 pm
Your right about culture being a hinderence to entertaining. We live in the Chicago area and people go all out for showers and weddings. You would never think of serving just cake and punch at a shower. You have to give them a meal! Drive 3 hours south and it is a whole different thing. My daughter moved to Missouri and threw a big baby shower which included a large buffet lunch. People thought she was being “showy”, which is not her at all! It was just all she knew.
[Reply]
Oh yes! I think guests enjoy bringing a dish. It makes them feel part of the dinner.
[Reply]
Many times those invited offer to bring something and want to do it – not just out of obligation. It does help to make it more affordable, but it also seems to make it more of a together time instead of just me entertaing them. They are participating in it. As far as asking them if they don’t offer – I don’t often do that. Unless, we have invited them as a “potluck” type meal. I don’t want them to feel obligated to bring something if they don’t want to.
[Reply]
I’m afraid that I’m full of “joy busters” when it comes to entertaining!
Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last [type] ..My dress is made out of paper bags
[Reply]
As I look back over my 25 years of entertaining, I wish I could take back all the many times I worried about the insignificant things like, how my house looked, did the kids behave, would I have something to entertain “their boys”, they have more money than me, what will we talk about….. People just want to be thought of, invited, listened to. Thankfully, I have many more years to practice my regrets.
[Reply]
There have been times when my guests have asked to bring something and I have given in, but I usually tell them not to worry about it. Now that I am going to have baby #2, I am reconsidering how I do things like this…
I’d love to win a copy of your book! This has been my new favorite blog!
[Reply]
It depends on who the guests are-family and/or close friends yes.
[Reply]
I tweeted!
[Reply]
I recently discovered your wonderful blog and can’t get enough of it! Thanks for motivation and inspiration!
I have a hard time asking for contributions to a meal I’m planning. When guests ask: “What can I bring?” I usually respond: “Just yourself!” And, often, it can be costly to host a dinner party for several people; hence, I do not entertain all that much. However, your terrific blog, I sense, will change all that!
[Reply]
Here’s my tweet!
Lizwrites4u Holidays are just around the corner. Check out the Reluctant Entertainer’s blog. Good stuff! http://reluctantentertainer.com/
[Reply]
Our circle of close friends do potluck dinners alot. It takes the pressure off the hostess and spreads the cost around. With people I don’t know well, I don’t usually ask them to bring anything unless they insist, then I might delegate bread or dessert.
[Reply]
Great blog! Always looking for ideas and more confidence so I can be a better hostess!
[Reply]
Have been reading and enjoying your blog for several years now. As a woman of 64, I only wish I had this terrific info many years ago when entertaining – it would have been so much more enjoyable. Your post about entertaining with children was terrific!!! What is the most meaningful to me is your work with the Balcony Girls!! What a beautiful – inside and out – group of young women. It breaks one’s heart to hear and read about all the bullying in today’s society and wonder where all this behavior is learned – at home??? Thanks for the beautiful work you do!! You are a very special person.
[Reply]
I am ok with asking people to bring food. However, the most wonderful thing is that most friends ask what can they bring.
[Reply]
Most of my friends volunteer to bring something so that makes it easy. I do the same when we are invited over. I think it makes us feel more connected and who doesn’t love to share? Even less experienced cooks can bring bread or drinks. It’s not a competition but a time of fellowship.
[Reply]
It really depends on who the guests are and what mood I am in However I am finding that most people do not mind bringing alittle something ex: salad, rolls.a bottle of wine or possibly a dessert. It really helps to lessen the workload and cost of entertaining.
I’d love to win a copy of your book! I’m sure you have many other helpful little entertaining tips.
[Reply]
One of my sweetest parties for my daughter’s 10th birthday happened because I borrowed from my tea loving friend. It was a beautiful table!
stacey´s last [type] ..Multitude Monday
[Reply]
Shared on Facebook!
stacey´s last [type] ..Multitude Monday
[Reply]
I do ask friends/guests to help bring something…on occasion. I know it’s a pride thing…sometimes…because I just want to do it all and when they ask if they can bring something…I’ll quickly say “no, just come and enjoy yourselves”. But. Many times I really, honestly don’t know what the menu will be until the last minute.
Yet, I know how “offended” I feel if I ask when we’re going somewhere and the hostess tells me the same thing.
What is up with that?
I’m Posting this on Facebook, too!
Bevy´s last [type] ..Acorns- Alas!
[Reply]
Usually people ask if they can bring something and I always take them up on it! I am busy busy busy with a bunch of balls in the air and if someone wants to lighten the load, I am all for it! Plus, it makes me more relaxed and laid back with one less thing to worry about!
I would love to win your book!
[Reply]
My mother in law likes to ask if she can bring the ice cream for the birthday parties. It is something quick & easy for her & helps out with the financial side, too.
[Reply]
I seriously have let that worry – or joy buster thing – go, mostly in part to reading your blog. I have put my entertaining where my mouth is so to speak since we moved, and i can honestly say, we had a dinner party with moving boxes taking up the living room, ladders in the foyer, and a pressure washer sitting on the lanai.
The house is slowly coming together, but it’s still not there totally – but we had people over again for cocktails on Friday night – and they didn’t want to leave – so i would say that our laid back entertaining is a success.
sheri´s last [type] ..Window Shopping in Savannah
[Reply]
We’ve got friends we often plan last minute dinners with, it’s well I’ve got this and this to bring and you can make this, so pick up a bottle of wine and see you at 7! So I think it’s a great idea for everyone to pitch in to make dinner a success! And I would love to win the book
I added it to my amazon wish list yesterday! I’ve really enjoyed the 31 days of… it’s led me to a few new amazing blogs!
[Reply]
Love the tips on saving money! Even if we can afford to entertain, these might be some fun alternatives!
Ashley Hasty´s last [type] ..4-H Fashion Revue
[Reply]
Our guests usually ask what they can bring and I usually delegate dessert or a vegetable. You can totally entertain on the cheap if you coupon and stockpile food for when you need it.
[Reply]
I tweeted about this giveaway:
http://twitter.com/#!/AHastyLife/status/27133983093
Ashley Hasty´s last [type] ..4-H Fashion Revue
[Reply]
I think it depends on who you’re having over. I might ask my family to help a little if I’m hosting a large family event.
http://ashleyanderic.blogspot.com
Ashley Hasty´s last [type] ..4-H Fashion Revue
[Reply]
Hello, R.E.!
First of all, thanks for the series. I’m really enjoying the practical tips, and as someone who struggles with perfectionism, I am noticing a decided LACK of pressure.
Secondly, to answer your question, I struggle with letting others help. I feel like providing the experience and food for them is a way to love on them, so asking them to help takes away from the experience. I understand that “feeling” is complete bunk, but its a struggle to remember that.
Recently, my home (I’m a single chick that lives alone) has become a bit of a haven for some young ladies 18-25 in our church. I love having them over, and I have gotten better about letting one girl bring ice cream. I provide the dinner, she brings ice cream, and the other one surprises me sometimes with coffee. SCORE!
[Reply]
Sandy, I love this post. I taught a class on entertaining at a neighboring church last spring and did a whole segment on borrowing. My friends and I share all the time. I hate for my stuff to go to waste and I hate to buy and expensive piece for just one meal. I would love to win your book. I’m trying to be frugal and coveting your book is causing me problems;)
Jeanna´s last [type] ..The End of Summer
[Reply]
I belong to a dinner group and we all take turns ~ we all contribute the the meal in some way with the host providing the main dish/meat entree and a little something else. We all bring drinks and either an appetizer, salad, vegetable casserole or on veg on it’s own, or a dessert. We usually try to pick a theme or have it around a season. The next one is a Halloween theme. Sometimes we have activities and the host couple have decided we’re going on a scavenger hunt before dinner. Makes for an interesting night. We alway have lots of laughter around the table.
I would love to win your book ~ from what I’ve seen it’s loaded with lots of ideas. With the economy right now, we’re all looking for ways to decorate and entertain in a more frugal way.
[Reply]
I am learning how to ask for help with food…hard for me, but getting there. Thanks for the chance to win!
[Reply]
My very favorite meal is to have each couple choose to bring either a salad, rolls, desert or appetizer and we provide the meat to grill and various drinks. So simple… in fact too easy. Ha! But makes for a very relaxing, easy environment to get beyond the meal and on to what’s really important… connecting with each other and sharing our hearts.
linda t´s last [type] ..Dads one-room school
[Reply]
Have friends with young kids over to make s’mores around a firepit. It’s inexpensive, and yet provides you the opportunity to hang out with friends, enjoy happy times together, and not brake the bank. You don’t have to provide a big expensive meal to invite people into your home! Sandy you are so generous to have a giveaway of your book; it’s the only thing I want for Christmas!
Lisa´s last [type] ..Be Nice
[Reply]
To be honest….. I have a hard time asking people to bring something with them. (probably the reason we don’t have people over very often) Thanks for all the tips!!!
[Reply]
As grad students, my husband and I had very little money above necessary expenses — yet we regularly entertained groups of 30+ friends at our house. We would provide hamburgers and asked guests to bring their own drinks and, if they chose, a side dish. We were able to try many interesting foods over the years thanks to the large pool of international students in our departments. Plus, we had the wonderful opportunity to introduce many of them to American traditions like s’mores and apple pie!
Megan L´s last [type] ..15 minutes to a simplermantel
[Reply]
When friends offer, I usually take them up on it to bring drinks or dessert. Unfortunately, we don’t entertain nearly as often as I’d like!
[Reply]
I don’t mind having people bring something along, but I prefer being able to do it myself which is dumb, b/c I hate going places empty handed. lol.
[Reply]
Best inspiration invitation:
Christmas party: “Bring your favorite holiday dish. I’ll have a ham.”
My best party:
I stored away that invitation as a treasure and last year had the first Christmas party in 15 years!!! It was THE best, easiest, and most full of laughter party EVER! Everyone brought a bounty of food with desserts in one room and main dishes on the kitchen buffet. Wow! Probably over 50 guests and a houseful of LOVE. My DH wasn’t sure about all of this, and before the night was over he couldn’t remember when he had laughed so hard. I even got thank you notes! It will definitely become a holiday tradition. Can’t wait!
[Reply]
For me, it depends on the occasion. Sometimes entertaining others is about giving of oneself, and in those instances, I’d rather not burden anyone with having to bring anything; just come and enjoy. Other times, the occasion is more spontaneous and about sharing, and in that case it’s fun to see what others bring and enjoy everyone’s culinary talents; it becomes a team effort, which is always rewarding. If I don’t win your book, I will definitely buy it! Your posts have been really helpful and enjoyable.
[Reply]
Sometimes I like to do the whole meal just to give the other family a real treat, but I also won’t say no if someone offers to bring something.
[Reply]
I think it provides relief for the guests too. I would just feel odd entering someone’s home and not contributing yet eating their food and taking up their precious time. It is a relief on both parties in my experience.
Regina Williams´s last [type] ..Painting is a Necessary Chore
[Reply]
I’m newly married to a man who loves to entertain! I am working hard to get over my fears, the need to be perfect, all those Martha things I have learned over the years!
[Reply]
I am ok with asking people to bring stuff. I don’t host a lot of parties, but I find it’s easier if everyone contributes.
[Reply]
I tweeted!!!
Regina Williams´s last [type] ..Vacation Time Pool Time Good Time
[Reply]
I don’t have a problem inviting friends over for a simple meal. But DH just about has the vapors. We are always clashing over hat subject. I’m a “welcome to my home” kinda hostess and he is more the “Martha Stewart all-out” type of host.
I have no problem with having guest bring to the meal. I’m from ‘The South’ so everyone always asks what they can bring.
Your book sounds delightful.
Teri´s last [type] ..Cooking at Ingredients- Italian- Part Two
[Reply]
You have such easy ideas! Your book would help me out so much!
[Reply]
Since I know when I offer to bring something I truly want to bring something and to feel part of the process I try to find something for everyone that offers so that they too can feel that they have participated.
[Reply]
Most guests will bring something and if I don’t plan my menu and offer a suggestion, I end up with duplicates or something that doesn’t go well with the meal at all. I find that people are relieved when asked to bring only a bottle of wine, and flattered when a special, signature dish is requested.
Your table is simply beautiful.
Evie´s last [type] ..On My Mind Monday
[Reply]
I am 100% okay with asking guests to help out! Not only does it help me, but it also gives THEM peace of mind – most of my guests hate the idea of coming empty handed, so asking them to make a dish or grab some drinks helps to take the pressure off of them, as well
[Reply]
I have a hard time asking…but if they volunteer I might let them bring a dish!
[Reply]
Every time our friend group gets together each one of us brings something to the dinner. I have to admit we have a great time and eat some amazing food. The boys do their thing and the girls are in the kitchen doing their own thing. We all have our jobs. One will make the main dish. One will follow right behind and clean. One will do all the chopping. And our dearest friend of who can’t cook brings the wine. Maybe it is a modern way of the dinner party or some amazing friends trying to save money in a hard time but either way each dinner is unforgettable.
[Reply]
I have learned to take up all offers of help! Don’t usually ask, but if it is offered… you bet!
[Reply]
What a Blessing you are to me! You have inspired, encouraged and given me the determination to open my home more often! As a pastor’s wife, we have many people in our home and I LOVE it however there have been many times I have doubted and questioned myself…..Is the food good enough? My decorations? My children? All the questions you have covered at some point! I long to have my home a place of refuge for my family and others! To be organized and confident enough just to ask someone over at the last minute to enjoy a meal/fellowship even when there are no decorations.
I have been looking at your book and have it on my Christmas list. 
I look forward to reading and sharing with others. I’ve wanted to write you a note of encouragement for a long time and this gave me an opportunity! Thanks for sharing your heart and guidance and giving us all great reasons to open our doors to others!
[Reply]
I have no problem asking guests to bring something! I think it helps with all the festivities. Most like to share too.
[Reply]
I’d LOVE a copy of your book. I don’t have a problem w/ asking guests to contribute. I usually hand them a recipe to bring
Lori @ RecipeGirl´s last [type] ..Cranberry Cornbread
[Reply]
When we bring something to a home, we are sharing with friends a part of us in a more intimate way. It produces a bond. It also somehow takes pressure off the hostess to be “responsible” for everything.
Sandy, I already have your marvelous book but I’d love to win one to give away to a friend.
[Reply]
I’m appreciating this series and I’m feeling challenged which is good. Thank you for your encouragement! If I invite someone and they ask if they can bring something, then I’m totally fine with it. But I’d have a harder time just asking them to bring something if it wasn’t offered.
[Reply]
Wow, I’ve been wanting this book ever since seeing it (and then meeting you) this weekend! What a perfect pairing for a frugally-focused blog, too!
Thanks for offering it up in a giveaway!
FabFrugalFood´s last [type] ..101010- Top 10 Highlights from BlogHer Food ’10
[Reply]
And of course I retweeted it: https://twitter.com/#!/SandyCoughlinRE/status/27141976562
FabFrugalFood´s last [type] ..101010- Top 10 Highlights from BlogHer Food ’10
[Reply]
I have loved your ideas of finding things at Goodwill or yard sales. That helped me step out of the boat a bit. at the same time, there are times my budget is still too tight to buy those things that I think I “need” to entertain. I stop and realize, I have glasses, silverware and plates. What more do I need? Nothing really! Even on a tight grocery budget you can entertain. It doesn’t have to be steak or some expensive 4 course meal. I often serve meals that are easy to make and not usually very spendy. My budget is not the same as someone elses, and that has to be okay. I do delegate things to guests. Usually I ask them to bring dessert, salad, or bread. They are more than willing to do so, and I always offer to bring something when we go to other homes.
[Reply]
In my apartment I have not entertained. It is filled with my husband’s home office overflow! But, we are moving into a house in Feb and I hope to meet new friends in or new state and I would LOVE to entertain; frugally and eclectically of course!
KATH´s last [type] ..Join The Cookers Blog on Facebook
[Reply]
It isn’t just the before and during that are difficult times for me, but I always agonize afterward about nearly everything. So far, I haven’t asked anyone to bring something, but a couple of times people offered and once someone did. I’ve not planned it that way, though, because…it isn’t how my mom did it. She did everything and did it all fabulously. However, I’m not my mom.
/
[Reply]
Would love your book to motivate me to extend true hospitality so that our home and lives can be a blessing to others. thanks!
[Reply]
Love, love, love your advice!! I’m new to your blog and each time I visit and nod my head…oh yeah!
Your Easter table is sweetness, simplicity and style all wrapped up in one. But, I must chuckle….is the place setting at the head or foot of the table? And is it yours? Did you run out of forks and being the good hostess skip yourself….or were you afraid that with all the excitement of the day you might stab yourself!!! LOL!
I discovered that even having lost our jobs…my husband and I can still entertain. We invited friends….and always someone will ask if they can bring something. In the past I would say no….but now…I say yes. I even had a 4th of July party outdoors with lots of tables and tablesettings….my friend had some silverplate (it was my mom’s) like one of mine…so she brought hers over to share. And I thought it would be fun to drink from canning jars….so…she brought enough for everyone to round out the few I had. It was sooo fun. And everyone felt sooo special…and I did too!!
I look forward to many good reads….and hopefully a new book to take to bed and dream upon.
Blessings!
[Reply]
I definitely think it’s ok to ask your guests to bring something to contribute to the meal, but usually they offer to bring something before I even get the chance to ask. I think guests feel good contributing to the meal.
[Reply]
I am fine with people bringing part of the meal. I find it really reduces my stress. I tend to entertain people who live out of town, so it usually doesn’t work out for them to bring anything. I find that I am not as good about sharing my kitchen, or I might be able to have more help in my entertaining!
[Reply]
I don’t mind asking guests to bring something at all! They usually offer anyway. You are right in that it doesn’t have to cost you so much to entertain. Guest do not generally expect a five-star meal. They come to visit and enjoy the evening with great company. Putting on “airs” doesn’t make anyone, hostess or guest, feel comfortable.
Love the giveaway and I tweeted it as well!
Jennifer´s last [type] ..Harvest Welcome
[Reply]
Oue family host a pumkin carving every year and we ask that everyone bring a dish to share and it works out great…we provide chili. I used to make a few things myself but now people bring so much I just make the chili…helps me out a lot. I always hit the stores the day after Halloween to stock up paper plates and decorations for next year at 50% off.
[Reply]
Great blog. Yes, I would ask for help for a get together. They would be happy to help too. Oh, I Tweeted this for you too!!!
[Reply]
I always ask my guests to bring the wine. It’s one less thing for me to think about, and it makes everyone feel like they’re contributing. Loving this series, by the way!
Nicole @cookingafterfive´s last [type] ..Steak Fajitas with Cilantro Sour Cream
[Reply]
I am definately ok with asking guests to contribute; most of the time they bring something anyway – it is just kind of understood.
I have really enjoyed this series – thank you so much!
Annette´s last [type] ..Egg bound again
[Reply]
No, I don’t mind asking. I don’t think they mind a bit. Thanks for the giveaway!
[Reply]
just discovered your blog recently & you have me so inspired! thanks for all you do & the chance to win your book!
jacqui´s last [type] ..chicken enchilada casserole
[Reply]
i tweeted! @crafteemcgee
jacqui´s last [type] ..chicken enchilada casserole
[Reply]
I’d love to win a copy of your book. Free Book = More Money to Entertain!
[Reply]
Usually my guests ask whether or not they may bring something. I always say yes because it lessens one step for me and because I always like to bring a dish when I go to someone else’s home. Is this common practice or a regional thing?
[Reply]
Thank you for sharing these great ideas!
I don’t mind asking friends to bring items to contribute to the meal. They usually want to bring something and they want to feel included in the preparation.
Thanks for the giveaway! I would love to get your book! It’s on my Amazon wish list!
[Reply]
I have no problem asking guests to bring a salad or dessert. I supply the main dish and appetizer(s). I think it makes the guests feel part of the planning process and I always recripocrate and bring something with me, when they host.
Great ideas on the Dollar Tree glasses. Love it!
Would love a chance to win the RE copy. You are awesome!
[Reply]
I’m definitely not afraid to ask someone to bring something (although they usually ask anyway), or ask to borrow things. I have a great group of friend–we share decorations, dishes, silverware, glasses, anything!
Sarah @ Sarah Bohl Designs´s last [type] ..Client Files- The Sky’s the Limit for a Colorful Playroom
[Reply]
Oh I’m so bad, we never have people over. I am the typical “I’ll do it when my house is just the way I want it”. This series has changed my outlook and I am now looking forward to having some friends over for dinner. And I would have them bring something if they asked, but I don’t know if I’d ask them to bring something!
[Reply]
And I tweeted!
[Reply]
Sandy:
Thank you for sharing- We use paper plates all the time- I find that the less fussy things look, the more comfortable people are in my home. I love that it’s all about the spirit of the get together, rather than the brand of china. Thank you for encouraging us to open our homes and show kindness to others through good old fashioned conversation, good food and lots of laughter. I appreciate you
Susi
[Reply]
I finally decided that the sun, moon and stars will NEVER be aligned (which is apparently what I have been waiting for!), my house will NEVER be perfect and the only way to start enjoying having people over is to….have them over! I’m stepping out of my comfort zone this month thanks to the encouragement of this great page. Thank you!
[Reply]
I retweeted and posted to facebook! Thanks for the chance to win!
[Reply]
Most people ask if they can bring something so I take them up on their offer!
[Reply]
I have no problem asking guest to bring something… of course I will wait until they ask/offer. However, if they are really good friends or family I will just tell them.
Sandy it was so great meeting you at BlogHer Food this past weekend. You are a hoot and enjoyed hanging out with you and Wendy!
Heather´s last [type] ..Breakfast Cups
[Reply]
Ask guests to bring something? Most of them offer and so I just say “yes”. Blessings! Nyla-Jean, Kingston, Ontario
[Reply]
Love the blog! Keep up the great work! Would love your book!
[Reply]
My husband is the joy buster! There I’ve said it. Thanks for the chance to win the book! I need it just for him (oh I will love it to).
marlis´s last [type] ..Happy Birthday Gail
[Reply]
If someone asks if they can bring something, I always ask for them to bring a side dish, dessert or drinks… depending on what we are having. I also always offer when we are asked to someone elses home.
Yah!
I would love to win!
[Reply]
I absolutely don’t mind asking my guests to pitch in! That way, if they don’t like the meal, it’s not entirely my fault.
[Reply]
YES!! I am in the process of doing this now! (I love when your posts coincide with what is happening in my life
!! I am planning a baby shower but really want to do it thrifty. I have priced out where to buy chicken in bulk, the best buns to use for the price, which fruit to serve based on price…it has been fun planning it 
Myself and two other ladies are sharing the planning, which is really nice…
I will have to send you some pictures!
[Reply]
I’m definitely Ok with asking guests to bring something, luckily though, our group of friends readily asks what they can bring most of the time. There would be certain occasions or groups that I wouldn’t feel good about asking to bring a dish though.
[Reply]
Yes! I am perfectly okay asking guests to contribute food to the meal. I don’t always, but I often do if it is a large group. And if they offer, I generally take them up on it. Sometimes it’s not even a money thing, it’s a time saving thing, and a way for guests to feel involved. Would love to win a book!
[Reply]
You are completely right. It is just an excuse. Most of the people I invite over (on the rare occasions I do this) offer to help. I just moved to a new area so I have yet to make friends. We usually go hang out with our family at their new house…but I have only invited them over to ours once!! (Oops.) I’ll just have to do it more. Thanks for the kick in the pants today!
PS I love your blog.
Lynsey´s last [type] ..I just didn’t know
[Reply]
We are in the process of putting our house on the market, and I just had hip surgery and am USELESS to the effort. But daily we have been richly blessed by friends who are sharing their time and their food with us. Saturday we had over 20 people here washing windows, repositioning rain gutters, painting – scrubbing my kitchen ceiling even. At 6pm, another friend arrived with mouth-watering (and cheap!) pork tenderlooin and salad and fed the whole crew. Amidst the chaos, we sat down to a meal together in our backyard and it’s probably one of the best we’ve ever shared with friends.
Adelle @ ready…GO!…get set´s last [type] ..Attitude Monday
[Reply]
Sandy, you know me the best. “I don’t have the money” is one of my favorite excuses. In fact, I have not bought your book for myself, but I have given it as a gift many times. Of course I flipped through it before I wrapped it.
Pot lucks are one of my favorite ways to get together. Everyone feels like they helped and get to make their favorite dish. It always seems to work out—if everyone brought just dessert you would remember that party for the rest of your life.
Thanks for your encouragement in a super busy time in my life.
Holly
Holly Herick´s last [type] ..Ebony’s Dreams
[Reply]
Over the last few years I’ve gotten comfortable with letting friends help with bringing food. Now I send an email asking friends to “sign up” to bring appetizers, side dishes, dessert, etc. It makes for less stress for me and they really enjoy showing off some favorite recipes.
[Reply]
Without a doubt!!! Delegating, especially when it comes to family gatherings allows our family to get-together at a drop-of-a-hat! We have several menus we work with and everybody knows what their “assigned” dish is! For us, it isn’t so much the cost of it, but rather the ability to entertain and not be exhausted from all the prep work involved!!
lisa´s last [type] ..SHOW-N-TELL Club
[Reply]
I’m hosting a shower on Sunday. After spending a decent wad of cash on decor and a gift, I realized food would break my budget. Did I say break? I meant pulverize. I sent out a quick email to some of the guests asking if they could bring a dish (appetizer, dessert, etc) to the shower. Everyone seemed happy to do so. Most people don’t mind bringing something because it’s a nice way to be involved without having to plan the whole damn thing yourself.
[Reply]
I don’t have a problem with it, but I prefer not to have to. We’re hosting a halloween party this year and we’re asking guests to bring a bottle of wine…we’re providing the food.
[Reply]
When we entertain, it’s almost always casual. Sometimes it’s SUPER casual and we’ll make pizza and salad. When it’s more ‘meal’ focused, I’ll take the guest up on their offer to bring something, and suggest they bring a dessert or maybe an appetizer or drinks. I love it when people let me bring something to dinner!
[Reply]
I love to cook for others. In fact when my families birthdays are coming up, they call me to tell me what they want cooked/baked as there present. I never even have to ask! I love being known as the cook of the family. I also cook all of the holiday meals. We use to do a pot luck but it never really worked out because it felt disjointed. Not to mention the year my uncle brought steak when he was assigned the bird!! So I took the reins and cooked my first Thanksgiving for the entire family at the ripe age of 24. I have no family of my own so I love the opportunity to cook for lots of people. My family splits the entire cost of the meal by plate. Kind of like a restaurant. It isn’t my favorite arrangement but I could never afford the entire thing. My mother takes care of the money. She likes contributing! So while it feels weird to ask for a contribution, sometimes it is necessary. When I throw small dinner parties myself, I always pay. Unless my mother comes, then she insists on paying!! I invite her a lot. Hmmm… maybe it is her way of making sure she gets invited!
[Reply]
I haven’t entertained much and this is a big part of the reason why. This summer for my daughter’s birthday picnic we invited lots of family and I put on the invitation that everyone could bring something to share if they’d like. It didn’t go over so well and no one other than our parents brought anything. I think I could get more comfortable with asking others to bring something if it meant it was just going to be a small group of us at a dinner party. I need practice!
[Reply]
I have tried a dozen times to win this book! Maybe this will be my (pot) lucky entry. I am all about a good potluck dinner at my house. I love contributing when I am invited over to another home for dinner. I think guests at my home feel the same way. Thank RE!!!
[Reply]
we have carry-ins all of the time:) it is all about the fellowship!
[Reply]
I’d love a copy of your book. I love the saying that the first time you visit, you’re a guest. The second time you visit, you’re family. It’s not wrong to ask family to bring something to a meal!
[Reply]
Tweet Tweet! Thanks Sandy! : )
http://twitter.com/#!/TheMamaZine/status/27159710183
Brittany @ The MamaZine´s last [type] ..The Beauty of Old Friends
[Reply]
Yes, though I rarely do! Sometimes my MIL, for example, will offer to bring dessert or a bottle of wine, and unless I have a specific delicious dessert planned that I want them to try, I’ll usually take her up on it.
Cate´s last [type] ..Frugal Almost Meatless Meals- Bulgur With Mushrooms
[Reply]
When I am invited over to eat at someone’s house, I always ask what I can bring. Feel bad going empty handed!
[Reply]
thanks for an awsome giveaway, would love to win!
[Reply]
I shared the contest on facebook!
[Reply]
Sandy, this is awesome! Thanks so much for offering a free copy. I’m always comfortable asking for help, because like you explain here, money CAN be an issue. But, I love having people over, so I always ask folks to bring something to share.
Nish´s last [type] ..Photography – A walk in the park
[Reply]
I don’t have any problems asking people to bring an item to share. I haven’t ever had anyone balk at doing so, and I think most are just glad someone else made the effort to host and extend the invitation.
[Reply]
If the guest offers or asks to bring something, I always have something in mind. I try to make it something they like to prepare (if I know).
I really want one of your books. If I don’t win it I think I’m going to ask for one for my birthday.
[Reply]
I posted on FB and Twitter!
[Reply]
Every Sunday my parents and my mom-in-law gather around our table with whoever we have chosen to invite to break bread with. We also let it be known to our guests, they are more than welcome to join us anytime they want, which once in a while they will. Every one brings something to share and it always turns out to be more than one can imagine. Our memories and the people that have been touched by our open door policy is priceless. Love all of your inspiration Sandy.
Blessings
[Reply]
I would love to win a copy of your book. I’ve been wanting it for awhile!
[Reply]
I’m new to your blog and found it through the Nester. Entertaining is definitely always a challenge since my husband is a pastor. We enjoy it though and try to keep it as a priority. I usually do all the cooking for first time guests, but when it’s a repeat guest 99% of the time they offer to bring something and I always take them up on it.
Thanks for the givewaway…I think it would really help me!
[Reply]
yes..people always like to help and contribute to the meal..I would love to win your book!
[Reply]
At first I would say no. My mother always did all of the cooking when entertaining and that is why I would say no at first. But, I think it is just fine to ask for others to bring something to add to the menu. Im learning to make up my own rules along the way and still keep traditions as well.
[Reply]
Sandy, thanks for dropping in..
and now that i’m on a computer.. I shared the giveaway! Good luck and keep posting, you inspire us all.
Marlis´s last [type] ..Happy Birthday Gail
[Reply]
The title “reluctant entertainer” describes me perfectly! I used to have ppl over but don’t do it as often anymore. I’m not much of a cook…so the whole idea of planning out a meal can be overwhelming. I love your simple ideas & encouragements. When I do have ppl over, I prefer to treat them, let them have a “night off” when coming over, so unless it’s a big family gathering, I don’t ask or let them bring anything. Usually just what they prefer to drink, as that varies a lot. I love it when we’re invited over & someone says “you don’t have to bring a thing”! Then I can just treat them to some flowers and enjoy my “night off”.
I posted on FB!
[Reply]
i’ve been reading your book (borrowed from the library) these last few evenings and thoroughly enjoyed it! it’s truly a beautiful book, with so many great ideas, and i’d love to have my own copy to reference back to, and to lend out to my friends! i enjoy having people over, but i normally don’t get them to bring food along, unless they ask. i often think of something on ahead that i could tell them to bring, so that when i give the invitation and they ask me “what can i bring?”, i can have an answer ready for them. but sometimes, (especially if i know that person has been very busy or stressed lately) i tell them to just come and bring only themselves. it’s good to be reminded that it’s okay to delegate. thank you!
[Reply]
Sandy
Thanks again for the words of encouragement. I used to feel that I had to provide everything for the meal when I invited folks over. Then would begin the vicious cycle of feeling overwhelmed time-wise and financially. I now gladly accept offers of help with the food. I think it makes guests feel that you’ve accepted them as friends if you accept their help.
From you, I’ve also learned to embrace the “less is more” concept!
[Reply]
I am really enjoying your blog! Your book sounds wonderful!
-Hannah
hannahardoinmx@sbcglobal.net
[Reply]
When family comes over, yes, I ask them to bring something. When we invite other guests, I usually feel it is my gift to them and I don’t want them bringing anything. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rule.
[Reply]
I don’t have any problem or hesitation with asking people to bring a dish. Where I sabotage myself is wanting the house to be really clean and tidy and the yard and porch to look good. Logically I know how dumb that is because I love to feel welcome in someone’s home and couldn’t care less if it looks like a magazine or not but emotionally I have not crossed this hurdle.
I will post this topic on my site…..it is a good one. I hope I win the books and that it helps me as much as your posts do.
[Reply]
I’d love to win a copy of the book. I get so stressed out entertaining, and trying to get everything just right. My guests always seem to enjoy themselves, but they don’t notice the little things I’ve stressed over by trying to impress.
Weedwacker´s last [type] ..Smells
[Reply]
i would love to receive a copy of your book. i did a class called Apples of Gold a few years back and it has opened my eyes so much wider to everything you say here.
thank you for your encouragement. thank you for your wisdom.
[Reply]
I have so many different types of plates and with only my rhyme or reason to when to use them. I’ve been lucky with all of our military moves to only loose 2 or 3 pieces. I hope to get a chance to get my hands on your book. I love your website.
Amanda´s last [type] ..They Really Do Love Each Other
[Reply]
I don’t mind asking people to bring something, but I truly believe that if you can just make your
cheapo food look pretty (i.e. dump that bag of chips into a pretty napkin lined basket) or make a super simple meal you will be blessed beyond measure just for DOING it! Also, please sign me up (twice, I’m going to tweet right now) for your book – I would love to glean further from you.
[Reply]
I’m totally fine with asking guests to bring something. More often than not, a guest will offer to bring something anyway!
I would love to win your book!
andrea´s last [type] ..School Days Part 2
[Reply]
I think having the guests contribute makes everyone take ownership of the evening. Love those glasses!
[Reply]
Around here, everybody expects to bring something…to make it easy, I tell them that while my husband and I like ice cream, we don’t buy it much, and would they like to bring their favorite? Easy for them, and yummy for everybody!
[Reply]
I would love to read your book! You inspire me to let go of some things and just enjoy having guests over for a meal.
[Reply]
I’m new to your site…love it.
I love to entertain….thanks for all your great idea.
teresa´s last [type] ..John & Libbys Fall party-
[Reply]
Sandy, I think it is fun when a guest offers to bring something and if it works with what I am serving, I would definitely say yes…and thanks! People enjoy contributing and having a part in the dinner…I am all for it. Thanks for the opportunity to win your book!
[Reply]
Love, love, love your blog and would absolutely love to win your book! I have it on my wishlist for my birthday! I love to spend time with friends and family, but I always come up with excuses as to why ‘I’ can’t host the party. I have already been encouraged by reading your blog to put the focus on the fellowship and not so much on the ‘appearance’.
I feel more comfortable asking guests to bring food if they offer first or they are family or very close friends. May be time to let go of some of my reservations!
[Reply]
I would love to read your book. I am really enjoying your blog it is very encouraging.
[Reply]
I would love to win this book and don’t want to wait until Christmas to get it as a gift. I have just begun to start having people over again. My husband was out of work for a year and now has a job.
unfortunately, the pay is not the near what he was making in the past, but we are so thankful he is working. Entertaining now will have to be on a shoe string budget. I have no problem asking close friends to a pot luck, but would hesitate asking someone I barely know (say, from church) to help with the dinner. But if asked “is there anything I can bring”, I would not hesitate to say yes, although I think I would ask for something that would be cheap (pop, rolls, etc). My husband and I would like to build relationship within our church and having people over is the perfect solution. Can’t wait to start using my gift of hospitality again. I have really missed using it!!
[Reply]
Oooh, I’d love to win a book!!! Been meaning to get one for some time now.
To answer the question, of course I would ask a friend. All my friends would be more than happy to contribute and ususally do!
Hope all is well Sandy!!!
Sue
[Reply]
Not a bother as I ask no more than I’d usually bring to another’s house: side dish, appetizers, bottle of wine,… usually small contribution but VERY helpful.
[Reply]
When I go to eat at someone elses home, I always ask if I can bring something because I feel better to bring something rather than just take. When we have people to our home and they ask, I usually just say “bring yourselves.”
But they usually show up with something anyway.
[Reply]
LOVE your book and still trying to win one to give as a gift.
)
Kim´s last [type] ..ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZ
[Reply]
I love having people over! Thanks to this blog, I’m realizing that just letting people into my tiny apartment and loving them through food and companionship is what is special! I used to think it mattered, but then I realized I never cared what was served to me or if I had to bring something – it was only memorable if the fellowship was great. In fact, some of the worst parties I’ve been to have been when the hostess went all out and did everything from repaint the house to having the event catered. It didn’t feel like I was invited for myself, but that the hostess wanted to show off.
Joanna´s last [type] ..This Weekend
[Reply]
We usually have everyone chip in and bring something. I think they enjoy it and it helps me financially and timewise. I’d love to win your book. It looks like it’d be a big help!
[Reply]
Sure! Since being together is the ultimate goal I have been known to make a gathering “potluck” style. Unless I am reaching out to someone new or in need then it’s all on me to make them feel special. Thanks for a chance to win.
[Reply]
Always feel like I should take care of everything, since I’m the one entertaining. But now that money is soooo tight, starting accept to the offers! Sure would love to win a copy of your book so I can read it before the holiday season arrives this year. Thanks for the chance.
[Reply]
We always do potluck style. That way we can get together more often and no one family foots the bill for everything. It’s a great way to try new dishes too!
[Reply]
Of course – - somebody always has a best dish that my mom, my grandma, by great aunt used to make and its great to hear the stories behind the dishes too. The best is when they bring along the recipe : ) Would absolutely love to win a copy of this book – because that is exactly what I am – a reluctant entertainer.
[Reply]
Definitely it is OK to ask guests to bring something. It includes them in the party and takes the stress off of you.
Would love a copy of this book! You have some great ideas!
[Reply]
I’m loving your series, and I’ve had your book on my Christmas list for weeks! I am a bit of a control freak, so don’t often ask others to contribute anymore. However, when I was younger it was a necessity. Since I LOVE to have people in my home, and many of my friends did not, they were only too happy to contribute if I was willing to host.
[Reply]
I always let guests bring something for the meal if they offer, but I don’t usually ask unless it’s family. I also try to always offer if I am invited. (Unfortunately that doesn’t happen much.)
I too think “can’t afford it” is an excuse. I make a cheap, filling, yummy meal like lasagna, chili, pasta, or mexican lasagna and the same for dessert – cookies or in-season fruit crisp, pie or cobbler. Nobody cares if it’s not fancy, they just want to be invited because it is so rare (I’ve lived in several cities and states in the midwest) these days.
[Reply]
I would so love to have a copy of your book, I’ve got it on my wish list .
Thank you so much for your inspiration. I am glad to help with something when we are invited over and I find that others are glad to bring something as well. And the food is always wonderful. Because everyone brings something that they love to eat I don’t have to worry about everyone’s tastes buds there is always something on the menu that they like! I like to have people over but trying to do it all is too much.
janita´s last [type] ..A Special Saturday!
[Reply]
Any entertaining I do is usually family so asking for someone to bring something is no big deal. Sometimes I do it all, others times we all pitch in. Besides my mom still makes the best pies out of all of us, so she is the go to for that one.
[Reply]
Yes! I know that I personally enjoy helping out when I’m invited to someone’s home for a meal. I always offer, but sometimes I’m asked to and sometime I’m not.
Tracie B´s last [type] ..A Pancake Supper
[Reply]
I just checked out your book from the library. It’s so wonderful I wish I could own a copy so I can refer to it whenever I need to or want to instead of having to wait in line for it. Thanks for writing your awesome book!
[Reply]
I reserved a copy of your book at the Library. I can’t wait to read it. It is also on my Christmas list. Yay. Winning the book would be an early Christmas present
I absolutely think it is good to ask guest to contribute…I don’t know if it is a southern thing…but when we moved down here it seemed people ALWAYS asked what they can bring…and I quickly got the clue to ALWAYS ask when we are invited somewhere.
[Reply]
I’m OK with asking … if they offer to bring something. Does that count?
Hannah´s last [type] ..Happy Monday!
[Reply]
We have people over often, but I don’t think of it as “entertaining” often—–(just for those special occasions). What I do think is that I am having people in to SHARE OUR FAMILY’S MEAL That takes off a whole lotta pressure, and I use my mom’s (depression era) tricks to make it stretch. Big, big salad and extra bread, noodles or potatoes. Casseroles are usually inexpensive, a cake mix still is a bargain—for so many, dessert is a rarity at home. A lot of folks can enjoy a hearty meal for not a lot of money or trouble. “It’s not what’s on the table that matters, but whose on the chairs”
My “plan B” is to ask people to bring their own meat for the grill, and we provide the rest.
[Reply]
Whenever we have guests, they usually ask what they can bring, and I let them bring whatever they can! That way I don’t have to work as hard or spend as much money, we enjoy a variety of dishes, and they enjoy bringing it. I do the same when I go to their homes. Occasionally I’ll say to bring nothing, but not often!
[Reply]
I have always been one to tell people not to bring something for gatherings, “Oh, it’s okay. I’ve got everything covered.” I didn’t want to burden anyone. And since I did the inviting, shouldn’t I, as the hostess, be providing all the eating/drinking merriment?
But family and friends love to contribute and feel more involved when they can. I know I never come to a party empty handed, I’d feel weird not bringing something. So why should I deny family and friends doing the same?
Would love your book – it sounds AMAZING! – Carrie
Carrie´s last [type] ..Chew on This Quesadillas
[Reply]
Would LOVE to win your book. I absolutely love the Easter table you shared featuring yard sale plates and other pieces from Dollar Tree…the napkins match the floral arrangments exactly – what a feast for the eyes!
[Reply]
My friends always ask what they can bring, but I tend to dismiss their help and then stress out unnecessarily. But when someone else is hosting, I’m always happy to bring something, and all of our friends pitch in with food and drinks. Why do I insist on trying to do it all myself when I’m hosting? Have to get out of that mode! Love your blog and advice and I can’t wait to read your book, whether I win or not!
Kristen´s last [type] ..Switching to Cloth Napkins
[Reply]
Just re-tweeted. Have a good night!
Kristen´s last [type] ..Switching to Cloth Napkins
[Reply]
Twittering it facebooking it, cause I luv ya!
StrawberryCAKE´s last [type] ..Dynamo DONUTS
[Reply]
I’d love to win your book! I’m fine w/ the stuff needed for entertaining and probably need to do better to let people bring food or dessert.
Melissa´s last [type] ..Read-Write & Type review
[Reply]
I guess I’m in the minority but if I’m having a party, I want to treat my guests and have them enjoy a night off. I usually tell them that if they offer to bring something. No need for them to plan anything, shop for ingredients, prepare it, transport it, etc. And honestly, I would like a night off when I’m invited to a party. If time and cost are an issue, plan something easy and cheap.
Of course when it’s a block party, pot-luck or Thanksgiving a dish is welcome.
[Reply]
I prefer to provide everything when we entertain, but if the option was to ask guests to bring something or not entertain, I would be willing to ask! I like to give my guests the gift of not having to bring anything but themselves, so they can have a true night off to just relax and enjoy! And honestly, I enjoy the freedom as a guest of going to someone’s home and not feeling the pressure of bringing a dish or a gift.
[Reply]
I would love to win, that would be just amazing! Yes, I am all for asking guests to help…more so now than I ever have before. I learned that my guests are happy to contribute and it really makes the party more fun for me! Less stress! : )
Emily´s last [type] ..Facial Monday-Eyes Worth Looking Through!
[Reply]
I’d love to win!
[Reply]
I don’t mind asking someone to pitch in, but I try to make it something really easy or inexpensive, like “could you bring ice cream for dessert?”
[Reply]
Only if they are close friends…otherwise it would look quite strange where I live, it’s just not in the culture of this place.. but I think it’s a great idea that would help people to entertain more!
[Reply]
I have been a longtime fan Sandy! I have used many of your ideas to overcome the fears associated with entertaining… I am certain with your book I could spread more love and full tummies!!! Amy
[Reply]
I think it would be harder to ask people to chip in, but less stressful. I would just imagine that if someone were inviting me to their house I would want to bring something anyways so them specifying what it is would make it easier.
[Reply]
Sometimes we just want our friends to enjoy a night “off” from worrying about what to fix, bring or eat for dinner. It does depend on each situation or invitation.
If we have a young family coming over, we give them a treat of not having to worry about dinner. We can cook double and send a dish home with them for later, too.
Another time we might divy up the dishes and make it a potluck.
We just like having folks into our home.
[Reply]
I’d love to win a copy of your book….I’m reluctant to entertain….just because it’s an excuse!!!!
[Reply]
Kudos to you for ministering to those young women. I often ask singles to bring bread, ice cream, chips and dip, drinks. Sometimes they want to bake or bring more. I have found they do not want to be “takers” only. What a wonderful opportunity to input into their lives! Mentoring and friendship within the community of faith is so important.
Linda´s last [type] ..September Sunflowers
[Reply]
I don’t entertain much (your blog is helping me overcome my reluctancy) but when I do it depends on if they offer to bring something. I only serve water at my house and in the South a lot of people drink sweet tea; so I may suggest they bring tea if they normally drink it.
[Reply]
I joined your facebook page. I’d love to win a copy of your book. It’s on my amazon.com wishlist.
[Reply]
I keep trying to win a copy of your book. I may have to put it on my Christmas list. It sounds so wonderful!
[Reply]
I usually don’t ask, just because I feel like I have plenty of affordable meals to choose from that I can prepare for guests. If they ask, I usually tell them to bring whatever they enjoy drinking. It’s easy for them to pick something up and if anything’s going to eat up our budget it would be the drinks. Love the series!
Angie @ Just Like The Number´s last [type] ..He Loves Him Some Momma
[Reply]
I would love to win this book! God has really been working in my heart about the subject of today’s hospitality.
[Reply]
I shared this giveaway on fb too!
[Reply]
You have given me new inspiration to start entertaining again. Would love to win your book to get even more ideas.
[Reply]
I love the idea about finding dishes at a yard sale.
I’ve only looked for children’s toys at those sales.
[Reply]
I’m kinda of a control freak (really bad) so I seldom ask people to contribute
[Reply]
Even when we were first married and very poor we would have Homemade pizza night and invite guest to bring a specific ingredient and then we would all come together and build our pizzas. It was a great time of laughter and fellowship
Debbie Smith´s last [type] ..A change at home
[Reply]
we seem to have a very teeny tiny list of friends. we haven’t really had any of them over. i would love to read your book so i can feel more confident in entertaining friends, not just realitives!
[Reply]
People around here always ask what they can bring, and if I say “nothing” they keep asking, until I say at least something like “how about bring something you all like to drink?” With close family and friends, it’s assumed we will all share the load, that makes it easier! (Glad I’m not the only one with table decor from the Dollar Tree!)
Spring´s last [type] ..The Good Life
[Reply]
Posted on my FB wall, too!
Spring´s last [type] ..The Good Life
[Reply]
This is an interesting one for me. I now live in the DC area and I socialize with singles and young marrieds. This demographic is an absolute NIGHTMARE on RSVPs – they are way, way too busy, and for many of these finding a spouse is a priority and they have almost no time to meet new people around working. But this group is very easy on menu planning! I generally end up hosting drinks-and-snacks parties (my husband’s preference) rather than dinner parties (my preference), but I’ve gradually accumulated a few standards that make things go pretty smoothly. (1) I always bring something. If the hostess is about my age (rather than my mother’s age, in which case I don’t do this), I call ahead to ask what I may bring. If she says I don’t need to bring something, I tell her I will bring something even if she asks me not to, and it will be a bottle of red wine; if she prefers white, or something other than wine, she has to say so. If I can’t plan in advance, I bring either wine or a bouquet of flowers (especially for birthdays!). If I know the hostess is in a time crunch, I don’t ask and just bring an appetizer (cheese and bread, or hummus and veggies, or chips and salsa – something simple). (2) People actually want to contribute – not so much as pot-luck, but as a hostess gift. When someone asks what to bring, I say, “You don’t need to bring anything [with sincerity]. If you REALLY WANT to bring something, I won’t stop you.” If the menu is snacks and desserts, I don’t need to know in advance what it is. If there’s more of a dinner going on, they’ll press on and ask for suggestions; I give two broad options (i.e., “dessert OR salad, but not both”). (3) I never leave a gaping hole in what I’m preparing myself; if it’s dinner I’ll have meat, starch, and veggies, and maybe buy a box of ice cream, so if someone fails to bring a promised salad or dessert, it’s not obvious (but those things would still fit well if they bring them). (4) I’m lucky; all of this works because 20% of my friends will ask what to bring (and usually will actually bring it), and 80% will bring a bottle of wine if they don’t ask me or I don’t answer. (Maybe 5% will come empty-handed, but I always end up with more than I need, so I don’t even notice.) This way the non-cooks can contribute as well, and while one bottle of wine looks gracious but is not that expensive, wine for all the guests adds up if I buy it myself!
[Reply]