Day 29. During or After the Party: Who Cleans Up?
One thing I’ve learned about entertaining is to never expect two dinner parties to be alike. You have different personalities, family, friends, people on the run, people who like to mingle – you name it.
Learning how to “go with the flow” has really lightened my expectations as a hostess. In other words, I just want to relax, enjoy my guests, and not really worry about details like clean up!
But, that said, we do still have to clean up and someone has to do the dishes!
Small party
Often during a small party I’ll put the dinner plates in the sink and get right back to the conversation. A little bit of dishes is not stressful, right? And the last thing I want to do is to be doing dishes and leaving my guests.
Large party
I feel a bit different about a large dinner party, like the one I had the other night with 18 guests. I’ve found with large dinner parties, if you don’t stay on top of the dishes – you are sunk! And I don’t ever hire help (although my kids have helped out), so I have to be organized. Quickly after we served the soup the other night, I loaded all of the dishes and other miscellaneous stuff into the dishwasher and got it started. I washed up the appetizer plates and set them aside so they’d be clean for the dessert. I needed to feel that I had SOME control over the kitchen, because next would be the dirty salad plates that I needed to use for dessert plates. I had to be organized.
Now what about the guests who jump up and want to help with the dishes? Each hostess is different, so this is just my opinion. I really don’t want my guests jumping up to do the dishes. I want them to stay at the table the entire meal, until dessert is over. Only then will I consider help, but only if they offer. I am fine doing the dishes.
I have invited guests over to enjoy a meal in my home, not to do the dishes. I know some families where the wife will cook and the husband will do all of the after-dinner dishes. Everyone seems to have their own method that works for their family.
When it’s time for our guests to leave, my husband has a standing statement that he never forgets to say, and it’s said in a joking manner: Come back when you can’t stay as long!
What are your thoughts about dish-duty during or after a dinner party?
My blogging friends are sharing their passions in this 31-Day series:
31 Days to a Less Messy Nest – Nester, Nesting Place
31 Days to Grace – Emily, Chatting at the Sky
31 Days to More with Less – Jen, Balancing Bedlam and Beauty
31 Days to a Better Photo – Darcy, My 3 Boybarians
31 Days of Autumn Bliss – Melissa, The Inspired Room
31 Days of Living Simply – Emily, Remodeling this Life
31 Days to an Inspired Table – Kendra, My First Kitchen
I have found that some people really desire to bless you by helping out with the dishes. And I’ve also found that standing alongside someone sharing dish duty is a great way to have a really REAL conversation. I think that maybe our attitude towards work as being “bad” and negative sometimes contributes to the mindset that WON’T allow that… That said, if we were having a formal dinner party, I would want to have everyone stay seated at the table and if that meant me doing the dishes on my own, I’d happily do that… my tendency is actually to want to do everything myself, but I need to be able to allow people to bless me, as well as wanting to bless them! I agree though, that it is a case-by-case thing and I do play it by ear depending on who it is with us.
To be honest, I just don’t want anyone helping me with the dishes. I am picky about how my dishes are loaded into the dishwasher and I have a little kitchen. I have guests who insist on helping and I really have no idea how to get them not to without being rude. Any ideas? I will often say that I just want everyone to enjoy the evening and I will get to the dishes later. I have come across guests (okay only one but she does it all the time!) who have come back into the kitchen and are starting the dishes without me. If someone has an idea on how to deal with this graciously, I would love some help.
For us too it depends on the size of the gathering and who is there
Often close fiends will step in and help with clean up but many times we just leave the dishes and enjoy our guests then hubby and I clean up afterwards
Like you say, it really depends on the people. But I find being social over the clean up in the kitchen works well among friends.. it goes more quickly with all hands on deck, and the visiting continues during and after the clean up. And I don’t really care if they load my dishwasher the way I do or not! Also, then I am not in a hurry for them to leave, so I can tackle a messy kitchen before I go to bed. ;)
I like for me or husband to do our dishes especially the good china and crystal. That way no one feels bad in case of a break or chip. If folks come over a lot everyone will pitch in. Like Bobbie said, my husband often will slip away and get things started. We also will work together and do them after the guest leave. One of us stays with the guests. We don’t usually use paper products.
My sister in-law doesn’t have a dishwasher so she would write out small slips of paper with various dish duty chores on them. Example: Wash glasses, wash plates, dry dishes, dry plates. (silverware, dessert plates etc). She would fold all the pieces of paper and put in a bowl. We all took turns pulling out a piece of paper and we were assigned that job (my sister in-law and husband always did the pots and pans and put the dishes away in the correct spots). This seemed like a good idea until the year my husband broke one of her good china plates that could not be replaced. The next year my sister in-law and husband did all the dishes.
When I have a large dinner, my husband sneaks out to put the dishes in the dishwasher while I chat with the guests. I am the talker and he is not. Pots and pans soak in the sink and are washed when the last guest leaves. I really don’t like people helping out. I would rather do dishes my way and put things away where they belong. I hate trying to find something someone else put away in the wrong place.
My husband will usually do the dishes while I entertain. He’s not the social person. He’s friendly and all, but he really loves it when there is no company around. He married a social person. He resigns himself to getting used to it. I don’t mind. If he is doing the dishes, then I don’t have to.
We have a breakfast bar pass-through that links the large kitchen to the livingroom. So you never really are a part from your guests. It’s funny though. Everyone seems to like hanging out in our kitchen. Maybe I ought to think about more comfortable chairs in there? LOL
I prefer most guests stay out of the kitchen. There! I said it! A few close friends know how I run my kitchen and they don’t get in the way so I “let them in” :) I don’t mind if at the end of a dinner a guest wants to help clear the table …but guess I have control issues about how my dishes, etc. get cleaned up…and my kitchen is quite small. Also this gives me a few minutes to breathe freely!
Ha! You must be related to my mama and me…we both have the same disease although I’m trying to get cured so I can get some help;)
I prefer most guests stay out of the kitchen. A few close friends know how I run my kitchen and they don’t “get in the way” so I let them in :) I don’t mind if at the end of a dinner a guest wants to help clear the table …but guess I have control issues about how my dishes, etc. get cleaned up…and my kitchen is quite small.
If people want to help I won’t stop them. And for some people having something to do, or having something in their hands puts them at ease and more willing to have a conversation.
I have a really deep kitchen sink and will usually clear the dishes off the table and put them right into the sink. My Husband is really good about helping me clean up once everyone has gone. I do have one close friend that insists on helping load the dishwasher when her family comes over. I would rather my guests just enjoy the break from cooking and cleaning.
sometimes I do the dishes and sometimes I wait till everyone leaves. Sometimes my girls do them. I don’t expect my guests to help, but if they want to, then we have fun chatting in the kitchen and doing dishes together.
I HATE doing dishes so I try to keep on top of them during get together. But I would much rather have lots of dishes still sitting around to clean up later than miss any time hanging with friends in my home.
Normally, I pile everything on the counter and leave it for later. But since I’m trying to stay more on top of ALL of our household chores, I did something different last weekend. We had friends over (just one couple), and after dinner, I cleaned the whole thing up. It took less than 10 minutes, and I was SO glad to have it out of the way! It wouldn’t be that easy with a larger group, though.
As for accepting help from your guests, I have a friend who never lets me lift a finger before OR after a meal at her house. And it makes me feel so uncomfortable! We’re close friends, so I would be much more at ease jumping in to help. But that’s not the way she does things. To each her own!
Oh I love this. In other words … no rules! Kinda like dancing, just do what feels right when you hear the song playing.
When we have a LARGE group over, I use disposables as much as possible–high-quality stuff that’s a little more expensive, but at times something that doesn’t have to be washed is important with all the prep that’s necessary, too!
For extra-special gatherings though, I’ve learned that it’s really easier to just pull out all the stops and use different sets of dishes to fill in for dessert or whatever so that I don’t have to deal with washing/waiting for anything to be done during the course of the event. Then, too, I am blessed with two sinks/disposals in my kitchen, so plates are easily scraped into one while the other sink holds warm soapy water for neatly stacked dishes awaiting their turn in the dishwasher. That really helps.
If my MOM is here, though, I have to put up “DO NOT ENTER: HAZARDOUS AREA” signs around my kitchen(lol)or she will be washing dishes the first minute she is finished eating. She’s so sweet, but we can’t EVER visit with her SITTING DOWN if we let her step foot in the kitchen.
My husband is a great helper in the kitchen clean-up area, too.
I too agree with it depends on the size, and who is at the party. When it is mostly family, such as holiday meals…my mom or sil are very gracious about helping. So while one is getting the other course ready to serve, one can usually be found cleaning dishes or loading them into the dishwasher at least. With other guests, I generally wait until the evening is over unless I need those plates for another course. I do not have a problem with girlfriends who offer help gathering the dishes and bringing them into the kitchen area, but I do not expect nor want them to stay and wash them. My husband and girls are great about helping and with all of us working together it rarely takes long. I will say however,that when our Bunco group gets together one of the girls usually stays behind to help the host, but we consider it a great time for those two to catch up on things happening in their lives, rather than a chore!
Like you said, it all depends on the size. My precious 17 year old daughter is gracious enough to do them if we are just having a family over but if I am entertaining a bigger crowd we all usually chip in and get it done so we can ALL relax and enjoy the rest of the evening. And when I say all I mean she, my husband and I. I really don’t expect my guests to help wash. Plus I think everyone has their own system of how they do things and it just goes faster sometimes without help. You know what I mean?
HUGS!
I usually scrape off food and stick dishes in the sink after we’re finished eating. I was reading an article in Good Housekeeping last night with Jamie Leigh Cutis and she was talking about how it’s rude to do ANY dishes while company is there and I thought, well I guess I am rude. When we have my family over that’s 9 people and I just don’t have room on the counter for 9 dirty plates and then 9 dirty dessert plates so I try and put them in the dishwasher right after dinner and before dessert. I guess it just depends on the guests.
Depending on who it is and what kind of dinner we’re having is how I feel about guests helping with dishes. I had one husband disappear only to find him in my kitchen doing the dishes! I was rather mortified! If I’m having a larger dinner, I’ll fill a small plastic tub with some water and dish soap and put silverware in there to soak a little and then quickly rinse plates and stack them in the sink so they’re easier to scrub a bit before loading in the dishwasher.
I’m with you, I don’t want my guests to get up from the table to clean my dishes. I try to have the dishwasher empty and ready to go and I rinse what I can and get it out of the way….my husband usually does the bulk of the kitchen cleanup…for which I am truly thankful, or we would not entertain as often as we do because of the amount of work involved beforehand. If a guest offers, I will let them help at the sink, but we only spend a few moments. I didn’t invite them over to observe their cleaning skills, but to spend quality time with them.