The other day at breakfast my husband reminded me of these simple words:

Baby, he said, a good plan for today is better than a perfect plan for tomorrow.

Those words really hit home for me, and I thought about all I share here on RE. I know many of us struggle with perfectionism when it comes to entertaining, but I wonder just when did the “P” word become so trendy?

What generation or era started this horrible (almost) disease, to ruin so many of us?

I wrote in my RE book how I met a lady on the plane who shared with me how she’d never have people into her home for dinner, because she didn’t feel her house was good enough. She got tears in her eyes as she told me she was worried that her son never learned about hospitality. It was a pain point for her, and I felt badly for her. The pain went deeper for her as she shared that her mom had done the same thing.

Things were never good enough.

So they missed out on deeper connections and making memories in their own 4 walls with people they cared about.

I wonder when perfectionism became so necessary …

-Was it in the 50s or 60s when America started watching more TV?

-Was it when we started airbrushing models in homes and staging beautiful kitchens and dining rooms?

-Was it later, when magazines and TV shows resonating “perfect” showed us we were “less” if we didn’t have our homes look a certain way?

(Canning jar idea, here.)

Baby, a plan for today is better than a perfect plan for tomorrow.

I meditated on those words for days, lest I teach my children this awful “trend.”

A plan for today …

-If I decide to invite last minute guests over for dinner, my messy house will just have to do.

-The menu that I decide to cook will be sufficient for the purpose of entertaining. Soul connection.

-I won’t need to run to the store to make “one more thing,” because I have to serve 5 courses.

-My table, simple as it may be, won’t be impressive, but it won’t be distracting, either.

It won’t be trendy.

It won’t be perfect.

But it will be tasty and meaningful.

When do you think perfectionism became “trendy” in our society?

“Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything that is beautiful; for beauty is God’s handwriting–a wayside sacrament. Welcome it in every fair face, in every fair sky, in every fair flower, and thank God for it as a cup of blessing.” -Ralph Waldo Emerson

I want to wish all of my readers a wonderful Mother’s Day weekend. For those of us who are mothers, we have so much to be thankful for!

An older friend, who I greatly admire, gave me a beautiful card and a small, simple candle yesterday.

When to encourage
and when to protect,
When to ignore things
and when to correct,
When to hold closer
and when to let go –
There aren’t any rules for that …
mothers just know.

This day was made to honor mothers like you.

A little gift and a card.

So thoughtful.

I love friends who honor others by telling them that “they are a good mom.”

I know if my mom were here, I’d hear those words, as would others.

(My mom’s favorite tree was a Dogwood, the beautiful flower on her tombstone. This white-flowered tree in our backyard, was given to us from my friend, Pam.)

This weekend, I challenge you to tell at least 3 younger moms that you are proud of them, and that they are a good mom. Or tell them the qualities that you believe make them so beautiful.

Who encouraged your mother when you were growing up? Who encourages you, if you’re a mother now yourself?

Hospitality in our home is usually centered on food. With a very busy life, the best situation for connecting with people is around a meal.

But even if it’s just a glass of iced tea, or an evening with dessert – with our without a full meal – we’ve found that cherished time with friends is just about being together.

About a month ago we entertained, but this time instead of a formal meal, we made Rachael Ray’s Classic Bolognese and served it buffet style. It was perfect for adults, and perfect for kids, one tip being that you can hide the chopped carrots as you mix them into the spaghetti sauce.

And who would ever know there are chicken livers in this recipe? I’m telling you, even though they are optional, they MADE the flavor come alive!

We stacked the plates on the counter, put the food in one place, we gathered around and everyone filled their own dishes with pasta, sauce, salad, and homemade bread.

Our friends who came for dinner brought a level of excitement to our family. They are fun, full of life, ask lots of questions, and they really engage with our kids.

We turn up the volume of music, there seems to be a lot of laughter, but also serious talk of meaningful things, and in a sense, I’d say our evening “dripped with soul.”

Have you ever thought about this? That your family unit revolves around who you are as individuals and not around what you have?

It’s the people, the relationships, not the “stuff,” that makes for a great time.

Which, by the way, I was fortunate to have this exact conversation with Rachael Ray this past month in NYC at an event hosted by Rachael Ray and Ziploc Brand to promote the FreshOver program. I had to pinch myself over the fact that I was really talking to Rachael, but it was true! Many of my friends have asked me if she’s the “real deal,” and my answer is, “yes, yes, yes!”

We had similar views of entertaining, bringing friends together, the importance of putting our imperfections aside and focusing on the people. We actually talked about our gardens, too!

Here’s what Rachael shared with the group:

-Rachael Ray wanted to get involved in the Ziploc Brand FreshOver program because she’s concerned about the obesity epidemic in our country.

-She LOVES what Ziploc Brand is doing for families and that they care and have a heart.

-She’s an AVID Ziploc Brand user, including the new Perfect Portions bags.

-She encourages moms to go food shopping with their kids and suggests they teach their children to “pick a color” when shopping for vegetables.

Me with Rachael Ray, Audrey from Mom Generations and my Party BluPrint friends, Elizabeth and Dawn. (Photo Courtesy of Gary He)

Because of Ziploc Brand and Rachael’s approach to fresh eating, I thought you’d be interested in this recent survey:

The Ziploc Fresh Eating survey ranked the top-50 cities across the US on whether their residents tend to eat fresh and captured their attitudes towards eating fresh. Additionally, the results include other stats such as how often people eat fresh foods, what time in the day they are likely to eat junk food, whether or not they grow fruits and vegetables etc.

I thought it was a very informative and interesting study!

Also, don’t forget you can participate in the Rachael Ray Sweepstakes taking place until May 5th:

Ziploc is hosting The Great American FreshOver Sweepstakes from February 29, 2012 through May 5, 2012. Fans can enter on the Ziploc Brand Facebook page by “liking” the page, entering The Great American FreshOver app on the page and offering a FreshOver food idea, in the form of a recipe or tip in text. During the sweepstakes, fans will be rewarded with access to exclusive Rachael Ray videos and tips, weekly prize drawings, coupons and one lucky grand prize winner will win a trip for two to experience the ultimate culinary experience in America’s food capital – New York City. Grand prize winners will stay in New York City for three nights and four days, can eat at the most sought after “fresh” restaurants and swap recipes with Rachael Ray. No purchase or payment of any kind is necessary to participate.

Now, back to entertaining, this yummy Classic Bolognese recipe, inviting others in and showing hospitality … it’s something to really ponder.

Would you say your home life? drips with soul? And what kind of meal would you serve if wanting to accomplish a night like I shared above? Or how would you serve it?

The last time we dined with our friends, we ate at their house and they cooked us a beautiful meal. Since it’s hard for them to get away (they have an autistic child), this time when we made plans to get together and I said, I’ll bring dinner!

Whatever the situation, I think it’s really fun when someone wants to come to your house and bring dinner, and then eat with you, too.

I call it “taking your hospitality with you.” It really doesn’t matter where we eat, or what we eat, it’s who we eat with that makes a difference.

I brought salmon to broil in the oven, fresh baked bread, and a baby kale salad – in a basket.

We sat out by their outside fire for about an hour (yummy appetizers) before heading in for dinner. Just before eating, I told my friend, Karen, that I needed to toss the salad.

The secret that I’ve found in serving baby kale is that it’s delicious if you allow the dressing to soak into the leaves for at least 30 minutes before serving. Most salads you’d never do that (the leaves would get soggy), but with kale, it’s slightly different.

Baby kale is unique; the flavor, texture, even the smell. I love it!

Here are the salad ingredients (below), which, by the way, always taste the salad dressing before tossing a salad. It might need more sugar, salt, etc.

Tell me about the last time you took a meal to a friend … did you stay and eat with them? What was the meal and what was the circumstance?

The last few weekends I’ve traveled with my husband, and if you’re like me, when you travel, you pick up and read lots of magazines.

I do love to read magazines to get ideas, be inspired, dream … see what’s “new.”

As long as I don’t get caught up in the “wants.”

We walk into Pier 1 or Home Goods or TJ Maxx … it’s fun to browse, but do the “wants” come over you?

They do me.

Just one more set of dishes, cloth napkins, new picture on the wall, outdoor furniture, new pillows … another white bowl … beautiful table cloths … runners …

The list goes on and on for me.

“You are in the prison cell of “wants” if you feel better when you have more and worse when you have less,” says Max Lucado (inspirational writer).

“If your happiness comes from something you deposit, drive, drink or digest, then face it–you are in prison, the prison of want.”

Many times I’ve filled my basket, only to remove most of what I’ve added because I ask myself, “Do I really need this?”

Learning to be content. I wrote about it, here.

Discontentment is really an ugly way to live.

I wish learning to be content was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, but it seems to be a lesson that we learn over and over again.

What will I have from being content and not always “wanting more?”A deeper marriage, more time with the family, valuing “who’s coming for dinner” over “how it all looks when they come for dinner,” joy and peace. And self-respect when I learn to say no.

It just feels good to have some sort of self-discipline.

Gratitude.

Contentment.

Do you have a hard time saying no to your wants, or how do you keep them under control?

Recently we had a conversation with some friends about the the benefits of eating out, versus eating in. Or the other way around. They asked me what I preferred …

I envisioned people coming in to our home, and the feeling or ambience they would experience versus an occasionally cold, sterile restaurant (but not always).

At home we have our choice of music, we work on our own schedule, there are fewer distractions, and the best part … we control the conversation, the ambience, even a level of intimacy.

Communication is the real connection, isn’t it? Although I know it can happen anywhere, inviting people into our homes and letting them visit and view “our reality” creates a bit of intimacy right there.

We are basically saying, “Come on over and we’ll share our lives with YOU!”

To me that is the most honoring invitation.

It’s real and it’s beautiful. Paul and I have learned more about people around our table than in any other places in our lives (and that includes church). It also teaches our kids the importance of hosting others.

I will admit though, in different seasons of my life, it’s just been easier to eat out. And keeping in mind that whether eating in or out, hospitality is about making others feel warm and welcome.

I believe it can happen anywhere, which is really fantastic.

When you decide to get together with friends, do you prefer to eat in or out?

I don’t know this guy, but I like most of what he says. My friend, Mary, tuned me in to his blog and, just look at #3?

3. Schedule a dinner with a group of 5 or more friends. It’s actually scientifically proven that people who have dinner in groups of 5 or more at least once per week are happier than people who don’t. Planning an event yields more return than just the event itself – the anticipation of the event gives you something to look forward to. It takes less than 2 minutes to send an email, so you have to do this one right away.

This weekend we are entertaining!

And this guy is right! The anticipation is there and I’m really excited to connect with our friends. It’s been a long time! It’s always encouraging, with inspiring conversation, challenging and renewing … maybe even a bit rejuvenating!

(Don’t you just love reversible napkins? So cool!)

I am happy.

Are you?

Are you having people over for dinner this weekend?

If not, how about taking less than 2 minutes and making an “invite?”

Dining, on the other hand, goes deeper than just putting food into our mouthes. I’ve always said it’s a spiritual connection that we have between God and the people sitting in our dining chairs. It’s more than food, presentation, and taste. It’s about people and what happens around our tables and it’s good for our souls.

When you think about the “setting,” it can add an element of “life” whether a fancy restaurant, a picnic, an outdoor dinner party, an elegant wedding celebration. It’s not always about the food, is it?

I love eating with old friends, even “older” friends, and getting to know new friends, reminiscing, sharing, serving (yes, when we have a dinner party in our home, my husband and I will “serve”).

It’s all about relationships.

Conversation
What if the conversation is boring? How do you liven it up? Add personality or charisma to the evening? That’s a tough question, because depending on our attitude, if we’re being hospitable (realizing that it is not about us!) it takes the pressure off of expectations and disappointments. We have to think of questions to ask one another. It’s okay … that is how we get to know each other.

Experience
I recently overheard someone saying that ‘dining’ is much stuffier, more pretentious than just eating. Again, it depends on how you view the experience. No matter how fancy the restaurant or home, if it’s a place where we all come together to laugh, share and commune, so I don’t see dining as a stiff experience. Stiffness comes when we are rigid, unknowable, and we can’t connect with others.

Attitude
Going in to a meal, I’ve really noticed that my attitude changes everything. It’s a barometer for how I treat my family ahead of time, my guests at the door, and then for the remainder of the evening. If my attitude is bad, the “feel” of the eating experience can become fake and shallow.

A riff
It’s about the diners. The guests. The bodies in the chairs … however you want to put it. We all know that being in the most creative place, stunning ambience, enticing food … but you’re with someone who has no respect for you, or you for them, it changes the experience.

Interesting food
Edith Shaeffer is a role model of mine. She wrote about food being an art in her book, The Hidden Art of Homemaking. She changed my view of how food should be presented nicely, how it should have flair and flavor, and how it can become a work of art. There’s nothing better than going to dinner in a home or restaurant that serves “interesting” or beautiful food.

Vision
What about thinking ahead to your dining experience and having a vision of how it will nourish your body, but also your soul. I know that sounds “heady,” but that thought recently came to me when we were preparing to go to friends’ house for a fabulous meal. I was excited thinking ahead to my friend’s cooking and how I was going to sit back, enjoy, relax, and savor every bite.

Success
When you look around and see that everyone is having a good time, that is success. We’ll never know what each pallate experiences, and usually we don’t discuss every bite with those around the table. But when there is laughter, joy, and an overall sense of happiness – I just chalk it up to a good time for all.

Classy
I think of classy dining for sure with linens, even if ti’s just the cloth napkins. It’s also classy when everything has some kind of continuity, or matches … where there is a pattern, color scheme, or even though it’s simple, a good feel.

Gourmet
I really don’t care about gourmet and I try not to use that word very much. I think it’s pretentious, in a way. Gourmet paints us in a corner, it labels us, it’s a little snooty. When it comes to hospitality and entertaining, again, the food is important but the experience goes way further than the fine details of how food is cooked and served. I love gourmet, yes, but I’d never want to make anyone feel bad who doesn’t cook so elaborately.

So again, there are places that bring more to the table than a meal (eating = putting food in the mouth). Dining together means that we enjoy the flavors, no matter the setting, but we really enjoy the company.

Good company makes food taste a whole lot better.

Wouldn’t you agree?

How do you define the difference between eating and dining?

Please welcome my guest, Mary, from Mary’s Nest today!

Once upon a time, Mary was a Washington attorney…until a sudden but wonderful turn of events found her married to a sweet guy 10 years her junior, pregnant at 40, and a new homemaker living in a small town outside of Austin, Texas.

My friend Mary’s blog, Mary’s Nest, is stories of her bumpy transformation from practicing law to perfecting homemaking. In a way, Mary has become a sister to me. Hard to explain, but I really love her … And every time she comments on RE, it’s always signed, Love, Mary.

So here’s Mary …

First, I want to thank Sandy for allowing me to grace the pages of her delightful blog. I have learned more from her about what it truly means to open your home to others than any of the plethora of books I have ever read about entertaining. And itʼs my hope, if youʼre hesitant to open your home to guests, that the story of my bumpy transformation from reluctant entertainer to welcoming hostess will help you realize that anythingʼs possible…

From Fussy Washington Attorney to Hill Country Hostess
When I was single, I prided myself on the fact that my home looked like a furniture store. It was immaculate and decorated to a T, without even a magazine out of place. To say I was a bit of a perfectionist would be an understatement! It was easy back then. Single and working as an attorney in Washington, DC, I found myself away from home for long hours. When I did return home, everything was the way I left it.

But one day, due to a serendipitous meeting at the airport, I soon found myself married, pregnant, and a new homemaker living in a small town in the Texas Hill Country. I was happy beyond measure but completely unprepared for what lay ahead.

Once our son was born, I was thrilled to be a mom, but I was also exhausted. Trying to cook three meals every day, wash an endless parade of dishes, clean a house that seemed to give birth to clutter, plow through mountains of wash, and most importantly care for a newborn baby were all things that were foreign to me…not to mention overwhelming. I wanted everything to be perfect but could barely get myself dressed in the morning let alone wash the floor! And when the pediatrician matter-of-factly reassured me over the phone that projectile vomiting from an infant was normal…I cracked. It was official. Our home was a wreck.

Entertain? Thatʼs Latin for Capital Offense
So I did what any sane person would do. I boarded up the front door, determined I would never let anyone set foot in our disaster zone of a house again. Unfortunately, my plan was thwarted by my fun loving husband. By the time our son was a toddler, my husband longed to be able to entertain. Against my better judgement, I finally acquiesced. Sadly though, he soon realized the error of his ways and was filled with regret.

In anticipation of the arrival of our guests, I barked orders at him like a shrew. “We have to clean up this mess now…how do we live like this!?!” Yes, he was filled with regret. And the sad thing about it all was that, yes, our home might have been messy, but it wasnʼt half as bad as this perfectionist thought it was!

Some time passed before my husband brought up the topic of entertaining again. Like childbirth, I think he forgot the pain and ventured another try at it. But the shrew reappeared and any future entertaining was put on hold…indefinitely.

A Happy Verdict In Sight
Luckily, there is a happy ending. Much to my husbandʼs relief, when my son was in pre- K, I learned about “FlyLady” from a handful of other moms. I was intrigued, but I have to be honest…It wasnʼt easy in the beginning. I wonʼt mislead you. My rehabilitation was a good year in the making. But the more I practiced FlyLadyʼs advice for “Fly Babies”, the easier it became to let go of my perfectionist nature and leave the world of CHAOS – Canʼt Have Anyone Over Syndrome – behind.

CHAOS – Canʼt Have Anyone Over Syndrome

And most important…both my husband and son have been all smiles with my transformation. Friends come and go, snacks and meals are served, feet are plopped up onto ottomans (and even the coffee table!), the dog sleeps on the couch, board games are pulled out of the closet, deep breaths are exhaled, and smiles abound. Weʼre all relived that the shrew was sent packing once and for all.

These days, I clean-up our “Hot Spots” (those areas that are magnets for clutter) after dinner and run the vacuum on Mondays in the heavily traveled areas of our home. If you ring my door bell in the middle of the day, youʼre likely to find things a bit out of place, but hopefully, overall, the feeling will be one of a welcoming air with a place to sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee with me by the kitchen fireplace.

The Heart of Entertaining
When it comes to entertaining, itʼs been more than just cleaning up a few Hot Spots that has brought peace to my domestic life. Itʼs also, Sandy, here at Reluctant Entertainer, whose writings have inspired me to be even more confident about opening my home to friends and family. Sandy encourages us to put the focus on making our guests feel welcome and comfortable…not worrying if things arenʼt perfect. It took me awhile, but Iʼve finally learned that itʼs not about me, our home, or the skill of my cooking…itʼs about the love and friendship that we offer to others.

My home is clean enough, the food is simple home cooking, and hopefully my guests feel welcome, relaxed, and look forward to returning.

Love, Mary
marysnest.com

Here are some great posts by Mary:
Secret to Easy Meal Planning
10 Top Kitchen Items to Simplify Your Life
Intuitive Cooking
10 Steps to Organizing the Kitchen

The meal had been served and my sisters and I jumped up to bus the salad dishes, to remove them from the table and out of the way.

It was a special dinner party for my dad as we tightly packed in 17 people around several tables pushed together to make one.

I rinsed the dishes quickly and put them in the sink, and then sat back down to enjoy the rest of the meal with my guests.

After dinner, we removed the dinner plates and served up birthday cake. But before I sat down, I quickly rinsed those plates and loaded everything into the dishwasher.

Then I hit START.

I know that everyone has their own routine for doing the dishes while entertaining.

A. Let the guests bus the dishes.
B. Only you or your spouse bus the dishes.
C. Load them in the dishwasher as you use them.
D. Only load the dishes after the meal is completely over.
E. Never do any dishes until the last guest has left.
F. Make sure every single dish is washed before you go to bed.
G. Anyone can help with the dishes after the meal.
H. Anyone can help with the dishes at any time during the meal.
I. Only load what fits in the dishwasher, put the food away, and do the rest in the morning.

I’m sure I’m forgetting a few scenarios, but here’s what I do:

I bus/load as I go. It just makes it easier. And when the last guest has left, I’ll empty the dishwasher if the cycle is complete, and start one last load, OR, finish it up in the morning. This isn’t so much out of laziness; we’re usually just so tired. We like our guests to stay as late as they want, and by the time everyone has said their good-byes, it’s usually far past our usual bedtime. It’s not a dreaded feeling, but a happy feeling of, “awww, what a great time!”

There will always be more dishes to do, but we don’t always have our friends and family close at hand.

I feel it’s more important to enjoy our guests.

After this particular party, I did 2 final loads the next morning.

I had dishes on the counter that were hand-washed, and the glasses and plates that came out of the dishwasher.

After putting everything away, my counters looked nice and fresh, like this. (That’s my “purdy” lemon tree in the far right corner.)

Do you like getting the dishes done right away, or do you leave them for later? Choosing betweein A – I (above), what is your normal routine when hosting a dinner party?

One of my family’s traditions during the winter months is for my sisters and me to prepare a birthday dinner for our Dad.

This year he turned 75, which made the dinner party very special.

My family looks forward to this evening, year after year, not just because it’s “Grandpa’s birthday,” but because they know we’ll be eating one of our favorite German dishes, Fleischkuechle.

-We set the date.
-Plan the exact same menu every year.
-We delegate the dishes.
-This year it was “adults only.”
-Set the table for 17!

And then we enjoy our time together.

This recipe (meat mixture of beef and sausage wrapped in dough; boiled; served with bread crumbs and pickled beets) originated on my Mom’s side of the family, and has been a tradition in our family for almost 50 years (my age, probably longer!) I really need to research how far back this recipe goes. I’ve never posted the recipe because, to be honest with you, what makes it unique and “tasty” is cooking it together with my sisters.

I wouldn’t want it any other way. (That’s us about 5 years with our daughters.)

Or want to eat it any other way.

It’s a favorite meal that comes around once a year.

Cooking favorite foods together is an important aspect of creating family memories, wouldn’t you agree?

We transform the house with good smells, lots of steamy windows (we boil the Fleischkuechle in 2 large pots), and we sing along to Pandora (3 girls, 3-part-harmony).

Each family has their own traditions for celebrating what’s unique to them. Our family loves Flashkeglia, which is practically gone as soon as we set the bowls on the table. We actually joke around and “count” how many we’ve eaten. In a sense we make it a game, and we always hold a few back for breakfast the next morning.

What “food” family tradition does your family celebrate?

This was the special gift we bought our Dad this year. My Dad and Mom (and Ginny) are 3 gifts in life who have taught me a lot about hospitality. I have one hanging on the wall in my dining room. And you can, too, by checking out RED LETTER WORDS website.

Today I’m sharing my thoughts on entertaining and exercise, and how they work together. I’m really interested if you feel the same way.

I’m passionate about entertaining, inviting people into our home to share a meal and soul connection. It’s powerful what one night with friends and meaningful talk can do for a person. It brings encouragement. Encouragement means to “bolster one’s courage.”

It think of Eleanor Roosevelt’s quote:

“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.”

Obviously, you don’t have to exercise at all to have people in to your home, but one thing I’ve learned is that I’m a much happier hostess when I take care of my body and exercise – regularly. (Above photo on an early morning walk.)

I won’t go into the many reasons why we all need exercise, except to say that if I’m going to have energy for others, I need energy myself.

(My friend Jenny’s Labradoodle and Goldendoodle, Bella and Finnegan. Aren’t they cute?)

It also helps build relationships while exercising with friends.

Exercise actually brings energy to my body, soul, and mind.

Body – We all know the implications of exercise and health.
Soul – When I “share life” with my running partners, it’s good for the soul.
Mind – When I’m out by myself exercising I can pray, meditate, and focus on good thoughts.

It all works together for good when we have company over. I’m more pleasant with my family ahead of time, I’m more organized in my mind as to what needs to be done, I can focus and plan, and then it all comes together to make a HAPPY HOSTESS and a happy event.

Do you think exercise benefits your life and relationships?

After Christmas we hosted a small gathering in our home for our daughter, who’s headed to Carnegie Hall in 2012 with a group that she plays violin with. It’s an exciting time for our family!

I’ve already been in the entertaining mode, but since Christmas was passed, I wanted to add an element of freshness and greenery.

I fell in love with the lemon cypress plants at our local grocery store and the price was right to have them inside, decorated, and then be able to plant them outside in larger pots in a few months.

To get ready for about 25 people in our home, I pulled out the white dishes that I’d be using for the spread.

Paper napkins and plates from the Dollar Store.

I added green ribbon to the plants and placed them in a white dish (since I will be planting these in our courtyard, I did not want to buy pots for the plants, an additional expense.)

Placed them around the house.

Used pictures of old-violin-days.

We brought out our daughter’s first violin that she started playing at age 4.

A memorable night, we were grateful for the gift of music, old and new friends, and the effort our daughter put into her concert.

How to care for lemon cypress trees
From what we’ve been told, these pretty little plants need a TON of water. But I took some info from the web on how to take care of them if you want to read up on them before you purchase them. They are so bright and cheery and really fun to decorate with!

Indoors
Keep your lemon cypress tree near a window where light is plentiful. During colder months, consider using a light box to give it light. Keep the soil moist, especially during the winter. According to Indoorplantcare.com, new lemon cypress owners often make the mistake of watering their trees using only tap water. The lemon cypress needs water with properly measured fertilizer for nutrition.

Outdoors
Lemon cypress trees are accustomed to a fair amount of heat. About 68 degrees is best. Caring for a lemon cypress outdoors requires maintaining a frequent watering schedule and ensuring that the tree is properly fed and trimmed. Indoorplantcare.com suggests planting lemon cypress in a somewhat acidic mixture of compost. Adding a little clay or sand to already fertile soil will keep your lemon cypress growing year after year.

Are your Christmas decorations down, and how do you plan to refresh things up this month?

Dining with one’s friends and beloved family is certainly one of life’s primal and most innocent delights, one that is both soul-satisfying and eternal. – Julia Child

Tonight at midnight, we’ll be celebrating a brand new year on Reluctant Entertainer.

I want to thank my readers for their love, support, enthusiasm, and comments in 2011. I appreciate you!

The New Year provides a catalyst for recalling the good times, doesn’t it? We reflect back on the year and we look forward to what’s to come.

The thread of celebrations run through our homes, and for many, it’s focused the most around our dinner tables, where so much of “life” takes place.

In this post, I want to share some positive memories and good times that I had in 2011 with the friends and loved ones who helped create them.

Just for fun, I want to look back to some of my favorite published posts.

The real miracle of food around the table

If your gathering lacks pizazz and Cranberry Hazelnut bread

Butternut mushroom bread pudding

A cry for help that “I don’t want to entertain”

NYE party and chocolate dipped bacon

Teaching our kids that imperfect is good with Oreo Truffles.

Folding or hanging tablecloths?

Does having a history with friends make entertaining easier?

Roasting tomatoes and whole wheat pasta

Not-too-fancy Lemon Curd ice cream

How to end a party with style and grace

Girls having fun with Risotto with Butternut Squash

Getting strawberries planted in the ground early

How to set up a holiday buffet

Wow your guests with Red Beet Chili

Do you fudge with expiration dates in your pantry?

How to make cake flour

Forcing branches on your kitchen counter

Balcony Girls, chocolate sauce, and the Theatre of Bullying

Hospitality and story about Virginia

8 tips on gardening in the city

Flexibility with teens and Buttermilk Coffee Cake

My house is too clean?

Setting a beautiful Easter table

The perfect boiled egg

Benefits of entertaining 2 nights in a row

Wild mushroom and white bean tart

Serving and giving at a dinner party

My son set the table and it wasn’t perfect

How to store fresh picked strawberries

Teen party with mini pavlovas

How to make a fruit and flowers centerpiece

Growing seeds with an AeroGarden

One hot summer’s night … (and 30 Days of Summer Entertaining)

How to stencil a cake

Pork Chops with Glazed Apricots

Chicken and Beans Nacho Casserole

How to mix and freeze herb butter

Mashing pinto beans

5 part series on how to can jam

Roasted balsamic strawberry bruschetta

How to take a meal to a family in need

What is a blogging conference?

More relaxed when everyone pitches in

Nutella Berry Bruschetta

Summer pulled chicken pizza on pita bread

Mini caprese bites

How to cook a large houseboat meal

How to create a centerpiece using lavender

Old-fashioned peach cobbler

Prawns with avocado and mango salad

Using a secret ingredient when cooking dinner

How to thank a hostess

Zucchini noodles with parmesan sauce

Canning peaches with a friend

Technology versus people

Sisters in NYC

Even in a messy house

Turkey bacon meatballs

What is discontentment?

Again, a huge thank you to all my readers in 2011! You’ve encouraged me to keep writing, cooking, and sharing table experiences.

Happy New Year, Friends!

What was your favorite post on RE in 2011? What would you like to see more of on RE in 2012?

During the month of December, festivities have centered around feasting, candles, gifts and giving, beautiful music, and the art of gathering together and telling “the story.” I love this time of year!

One beautiful memory for me was helping my friend, Jeannie, prepare and serve at her dinner party in her home. It was really special because my daughter helped, too.

Jeannie invited her craft group friends.This group of ladies have gathering for 15+ years, meeting every month in each others homes to work on a craft. Not just any ordinary craft, either. I’ve seen their work–classy and works of art! Last week was Jeannie’s month to host–December being a month of relaxation and planning for the group’s upcoming year–and Jeannie asked me to help her with the prime rib dinner and entertainment, and to surprise the ladies.

What I noticed about this cohesive group was their spirit of giving and closeness with one another. I think if every woman had a close-knit group to be a part of–where true opinions count, it’s safe and easy to ask “what do you think of this or that,” or say, “I need help with this,”–sharing each others struggles and always there for one another, this world would be a better place.

For my daughter and I, this group was inspiring.

We started the event by planning. One bright and early morning, I went to Minor and Jeannie’s to plan the menu and events.

And to get the prime rib ready. (Yes, I’m wearing a Hip Hostess apron.)

And then Jeannie set the perfect party table using what she had. (What defines perfect? Whatever makes you happy and perfect in your mind.)

I was honored that she asked to borrow my Dollar Store glasses so she could talk about the message of RE (Entertaining is easy, with an “I can do this!” attitude.)

The table was set so beautifully.

And then the ladies came.

They mingled. We all mingled. We played a fun game.

I loved being part of the “kitchen help,” with Jeannie’s husband, Minor.

We celebrated when the prime rib came out of the oven.

I was particularly touched by Jeannie’s sharing around the dinner table that this was her first big entertaining moment to pull our her wedding china in 6 years, since she had a bone marrow transplant.

She didn’t know that while cooking in the kitchen, I was listening around the corner from the dining room … and I was touched.

I loved glancing in and watching these beautiful ladies interact.

Then the big surprise happened when my daughter, Abby, came around the corner playing Christmas carols on her violin. None of the ladies knew she was a violinist!

She serenaded us and shared about her upcoming trip to Carnegie Hall with the Siskiyou Violins group in March.

As we served this beautiful group of ladies, I couldn’t help but think about how the holidays provide a catalyst for memory making.

Anyone looking in would have been encouraged by feeling the love, the Christmas spirit, and the true affirmation of hope.

Once again, food was the conduit for connection.

And through this night of connection, another story can be told.

What memory-making event has “changed you” this Christmas season?

There’s something about entertaining during the holidays that brings a level of excitement, but also to the disorganized person, a sense of dread. I love to entertain, but I enjoy it most when it comes together quickly and spontaneously.

1. Set the date and invite: Set the date for your party, grab a notebook and pencil and start making your list of who to invite. Don’t waver over the invitation list. Go with your gut on who comes to mind first and get going on the invitations.

MISTAKE: “But so-and-so can’t make it!” During the holidays you won’t be able to accommodate everyone, so once you set the date, move on to the planning stage. You could drive yourself crazy moving the date around to get everyone there.

2. Plan what kind of party you want to have: Think about formal, casual, brunches vs. dinner, buffet-style or open house. There are so many holiday party options, and it’s a crazy time of year, so choose one that fits your time schedule and your family’s needs.

MISTAKE: “I just can’t afford to entertain this way.” People forget the power of “delegation” and how much easier it is to simply ask your guests to bring a dish. It saves on the pocketbook and people are so willing to help out and to “be a part of the party,” whichever type you choose.

3. Be organized and keep your cupboards stocked. Make sure and keep relishes, cheeses, nuts and dried fruit and wines stocked for last-minute drop ins. People love to stop by during holiday seasons, because it’s such a cheery, festive time of year.

MISTAKE: “I never know what to serve for a quick appetizer.” We tend to over-complicate what should be simple. If we get out of our minds elaborate fondues and appetizers that take hours to prepare, and stick with a simple bowl of toasted nuts, a brick of goat cheese sprinkled with pomegranate seeds (festive for the season), along with some yummy crackers – there we have it! Slice a fresh pear (a symbol of the holidays) and you could sit and munch and talk with your friends for hours over the appetizers alone.

4. Don’t apologize to your guests when something goes wrong. Words of apology should never come out of a hostess’ mouth. Learn to bite your tongue when something burns or doesn’t turn out. Think quickly to how you can add a sauce, change the presentation of the food (turn the burnt side down), add fresh herbs to make it look better, or if a dessert, add whipped cream on top.

MISTAKE: “I’m so sorry I scorched the chicken!” Once you apologize, you can change the whole course of the evening. Everyone is thinking about what went wrong, it makes them uncomfortable, it takes away from the once–relaxed setting, and all eyes are on YOU. Many times, guests would never have known something went bad if you would have kept it to yourself.

5. Enjoy every moment of holiday celebrations. Holidays are easy because you can have music playing in the background, your house is already decorated and the spirit is in the air. Learn to sit back, relax, and enjoy your guests!

MISTAKE: “My house is not perfect, thus I don’t want people over!” When we fall into the “perfection-trap” we lose our joy and ability to enjoy others. Our mind is on ourselves and it’s a very selfish focus. Once we learn to put our perfections aside (and realize we are “all” imperfect), we can move on to the benefits of entertaining: spending time with family and friends and getting to know them in a deeper way. We create healthy memories for our children when we invite people over and show them how to become hospitable.

Entertaining during the holidays can be very stressful.

Again, organization, pulling your family in to help, keeping it all very simple (KISS–Keep It Simple, Sister!), and realizing the reason we are all gathering in the first place, really helps our attitude.

Instead of spending time in the kitchen, take off your apron, grab a plate of food, and join your guests.

There’s nothing left for you to do but enjoy.

What mistake do you tend to make with holiday entertaining? We’d love to hear your tips!

With the holidays here, and as guests walk into our homes, the first thing they may see is our prepared table.

The table that reflects great warmth.

The table that reflects hospitality.

The table that says:

T Take the time
A Ask the right questions
B Break bread
L Listen
E Empathize

I love chef Alton Brown’s perspective on the table. When asked what the most important tool in his kitchen was, guess what his reply was?

“The table. It doesn’t matter how good you are at performing great culinary acts of artistry if there isn’t the place for communion to happen. The words “communion” and “communicate” come from the same root word: “common,” meaning “to make common, to disperse commonly.” So to me, that’s the real miracle of food. When you take away the table and the act of service at the table, everything falls apart.”

Those words hit me hard. Think about the time when there is a lack of communion around the table. Negativity, dissension, jealousy, judgmental attitudes, pride … plain ol’ being full of self.

That’s not what I call communion.The experience starts to unravel.

So my hope is that you will take the time to enjoy and love the people sitting around your table this Thanksgiving.

Are you looking forward to your “table” experience this weekend?

It was over 7 years ago that we enjoyed a brand new kitchen at our old home that we lived in for 10 years. I remember the freshness of moving in, unpacking from the garage, having brand-new – and feeling on top of the world.

Then life became … reality.

The kitchen, that once was sparkling new, didn’t seem so new any more. The glitter of it all started to fade as I still had to do dishes and other messy work. Just when you think you have the kitchen clean, all the kids come home, food is left out, dishes are left in the sink. Reality meant stacks of “stuff” piled up on the counters, mail to be opened, reminders to be put onto the calendar. The kids make huge messes, the cupboards need wiping down because of the spaghetti sauce that ran over.

My busy life left my new kitchen looking not so pretty anymore. My happiness began to wane.

Those of you who have followed my blog know that we remodeled our kitchen in our present home 2 years ago. It was a long process to get it done, doing much of the work ourselves, working with a tight budget. We had to make decisions to cut things that we wanted, to keep in things that were important to us, to make it a place of comfort, rest, healing, and satisfaction to many bodies who would be congregating there in the years to come. And sure enough, we’ve had many entertaining moments in the last 2 years. More than I can count!

The taste of “newness” and “freshness,” and thinking life will be happier when my new kitchen is done … never really took place, partly because using “if” and “when” thinking never works.

It’s a robber of our time and thought process to “go there” with that kind of thinking.

I want to remember the lesson I learned with my old kitchen. I was just as happy then as I am now. My happiness didn’t lie in perfect or new. Because as perfect and new wears off, and becomes old rather quickly, life just finds its way of settling in again.

It’s then that I’m reminded that I must keep my priorities straight.

As the newness has already faded, I quickly stop and remind myself that it’s what goes on in our kitchen that really matters. It’s about the love that transpires, the bonding with friends and family that is inspired, the nourishment that will be provided and shared together.

It’s sitting back and relaxing; what I call sharing the common life.

Bringing our kids and their friends back into the “center of the home,” for last minute get-togethers, planned holiday events, buffet or sit-down dinners with our friends.

God blesses us all with exactly what we have each day. It’s perfect for the day, whether old or new, and He meets our needs, down to the finest details.

I want to daily create a place of love, in the heart of my home, called “the kitchen”, where food is served, and real sharing takes place.

How have you kept a healthy perspective of your imperfect kitchen?

The holidays are here, whether we like it or not. November is the month we start planning, getting dates on the calendar, inviting, thinking up menus, cooking, getting our houses ready for the holidays.

Are you excited or do you already feel burned out … and the festivities haven’t even begun?

A long-time follower of RE recently wrote to me, and in true honesty, I thanked her for being real. Real, because I know many of us dread the holidays and have the exact same feelings.

I’m not a reluctant entertainer by any means; in fact, I regularly offer to host gatherings at my house and throw a couple of big parties each year. However, I am frustrated.

I feel that in our group of friends, I am the ONLY one who actually hosts people. It seems as though everyone else has one excuse or another as to why they can’t have people over. So as a result, I am the one putting out quite a bit of money and time to host people, and I feel as though I receive nothing in return. I understand that the payoff for me should be that everyone has a great time, and I am happy when they do, but it’d be nice to not have to cram a lot of people into my smallish house once in awhile and deal with the setup, cleanup, and aftermath of spending a few hundred dollars to entertain.

Much of my frustration came about recently when I hosted a party. I didn’t get a chance to mingle as much as I had wanted and I ended up not enjoying myself at all–to the point where I’m not doing this again next year. Even with small get-togethers, we are friends with only one couple that reciprocates at all when it comes to entertaining. It’s nice to not have to do most of the work sometimes and to feel appreciated when we are invited to someone else’s house. But with most of our friends, we are either going out to a restaurant or meeting up at my house.

My husband and I wonder, are we just not on the “A” list and maybe some of our friends really are entertaining and they just don’t invite us? I don’t know how to reconcile my feelings about all of this. As we come upon the holiday season, I’d love to have a few couples over but then again, I don’t feel as though it should be up to me to host ALL THE TIME if we want to see each other. Ironically, my house is the smallest of all in our circle of friends, yet I’m always the hostess.

What do you think? Do I just need to get over myself and be grateful that people like to come to my house and that they end up having a good time, or am I a little justified in not wanting to always put out the expense and the work it takes to be a good hostess? Or is it something else all together?

I think people are just not entertaining like they should. I doubt there is an A list. I know people have judged me for having an A list, when in reality sometimes we just want to invite people over who inspire and lift others up, who are encouraging and know how to have a fun time. The other thing about A or B lists is that, in our minds, we build traditions. As in, this group comes together, and the next time, the same people should be invited.

I like to mix it up. That is what hospitality is all about. And it’s always rewarding to invite new people over. Life is about growing, building new relationships, expanding our horizons, and getting to know new people and what they are about.

It’s inspiring to invite new people over. It’s also comfortable to invite long-time friends over.

Signs of entertaining burnout:
You did not enjoy yourself when the guests left
You did too much
You didn’t delegate any of the dishes
You didn’t have a good attitude
You didn’t include your spouse’s opinion in the first place. Was he/she on board?
You’re resentful of the money spent
You’re resentful of no reciprocation
You’re inviting out of obligation, not because you want to form new relationships or stronger bonds

There’s nothing worse than bad feelings when you shut the door after the last guest leaves.

I could be judged on this answer, but make sure that if you’re feeling burn-out, the next time you should simplify, invite people you really want to be with, delegate so you don’t have to do it all, and that you do a heart check (again, my husband is my barometer).

The last time you entertained, how did you feel when your guests left?

Today is the day my 31 Days of Warm Connections series comes to an end. I’m actually sad about it ending, and honored to have shared how food and people and different hospitable moments are all intertwined.

If we wait for perfect situations or moments in life, they may never come.

If we are on alert, ready to listen to our hearts, ready to extend a helping hand, to put our imperfections aside and reach out even when we don’t feel like it, to think and plan ahead, to take care of our families and our homes, to put our worries and expectations aside … then we are ready for some serious hospitality.

Tomorrow is a new day. It’s November 1 and the hype of the holidays begins.

Hype is not my favorite word, but it really rings true if we don’t keep our heads, settle in to the true meaning of gathering with friends and family, slow down and relax … breathe … enjoy.

This is my goal for the next few months. As we take the time to eat with others, I want to enjoy every entertaining or hospitable moment that comes my way.

Food is a way to connect human beings with one another. It unifies, we share our heritages, and even if we don’t always agree, the main ingredient comes down to love.

Alton Brown says it well: No one will cook as well for you as someone who loves and cares for you.

Warm connections around the table, hearty and strong, help make us who we are.

And they stay with us forever.

Do you have a goal the next few months, for keeping your sanity and being able to enjoy the holidays ahead?

Tomorrow’s a very “exciting” day. Come back to enter to win THIS beauty, a KitchenAid Food processor. Perfect timing for all of the holiday cooking and baking ahead.

Get caught up, Days 1-30 of 31 Days of Warm Connections, HERE.