Please welcome my guest, Mary, from Mary’s Nest today!

Once upon a time, Mary was a Washington attorney…until a sudden but wonderful turn of events found her married to a sweet guy 10 years her junior, pregnant at 40, and a new homemaker living in a small town outside of Austin, Texas.

My friend Mary’s blog, Mary’s Nest, is stories of her bumpy transformation from practicing law to perfecting homemaking. In a way, Mary has become a sister to me. Hard to explain, but I really love her … And every time she comments on RE, it’s always signed, Love, Mary.

So here’s Mary …

First, I want to thank Sandy for allowing me to grace the pages of her delightful blog. I have learned more from her about what it truly means to open your home to others than any of the plethora of books I have ever read about entertaining. And itʼs my hope, if youʼre hesitant to open your home to guests, that the story of my bumpy transformation from reluctant entertainer to welcoming hostess will help you realize that anythingʼs possible…

From Fussy Washington Attorney to Hill Country Hostess
When I was single, I prided myself on the fact that my home looked like a furniture store. It was immaculate and decorated to a T, without even a magazine out of place. To say I was a bit of a perfectionist would be an understatement! It was easy back then. Single and working as an attorney in Washington, DC, I found myself away from home for long hours. When I did return home, everything was the way I left it.

But one day, due to a serendipitous meeting at the airport, I soon found myself married, pregnant, and a new homemaker living in a small town in the Texas Hill Country. I was happy beyond measure but completely unprepared for what lay ahead.

Once our son was born, I was thrilled to be a mom, but I was also exhausted. Trying to cook three meals every day, wash an endless parade of dishes, clean a house that seemed to give birth to clutter, plow through mountains of wash, and most importantly care for a newborn baby were all things that were foreign to me…not to mention overwhelming. I wanted everything to be perfect but could barely get myself dressed in the morning let alone wash the floor! And when the pediatrician matter-of-factly reassured me over the phone that projectile vomiting from an infant was normal…I cracked. It was official. Our home was a wreck.

Entertain? Thatʼs Latin for Capital Offense
So I did what any sane person would do. I boarded up the front door, determined I would never let anyone set foot in our disaster zone of a house again. Unfortunately, my plan was thwarted by my fun loving husband. By the time our son was a toddler, my husband longed to be able to entertain. Against my better judgement, I finally acquiesced. Sadly though, he soon realized the error of his ways and was filled with regret.

In anticipation of the arrival of our guests, I barked orders at him like a shrew. “We have to clean up this mess now…how do we live like this!?!” Yes, he was filled with regret. And the sad thing about it all was that, yes, our home might have been messy, but it wasnʼt half as bad as this perfectionist thought it was!

Some time passed before my husband brought up the topic of entertaining again. Like childbirth, I think he forgot the pain and ventured another try at it. But the shrew reappeared and any future entertaining was put on hold…indefinitely.

A Happy Verdict In Sight
Luckily, there is a happy ending. Much to my husbandʼs relief, when my son was in pre- K, I learned about “FlyLady” from a handful of other moms. I was intrigued, but I have to be honest…It wasnʼt easy in the beginning. I wonʼt mislead you. My rehabilitation was a good year in the making. But the more I practiced FlyLadyʼs advice for “Fly Babies”, the easier it became to let go of my perfectionist nature and leave the world of CHAOS – Canʼt Have Anyone Over Syndrome – behind.

CHAOS – Canʼt Have Anyone Over Syndrome

And most important…both my husband and son have been all smiles with my transformation. Friends come and go, snacks and meals are served, feet are plopped up onto ottomans (and even the coffee table!), the dog sleeps on the couch, board games are pulled out of the closet, deep breaths are exhaled, and smiles abound. Weʼre all relived that the shrew was sent packing once and for all.

These days, I clean-up our “Hot Spots” (those areas that are magnets for clutter) after dinner and run the vacuum on Mondays in the heavily traveled areas of our home. If you ring my door bell in the middle of the day, youʼre likely to find things a bit out of place, but hopefully, overall, the feeling will be one of a welcoming air with a place to sit down and enjoy a cup of coffee with me by the kitchen fireplace.

The Heart of Entertaining
When it comes to entertaining, itʼs been more than just cleaning up a few Hot Spots that has brought peace to my domestic life. Itʼs also, Sandy, here at Reluctant Entertainer, whose writings have inspired me to be even more confident about opening my home to friends and family. Sandy encourages us to put the focus on making our guests feel welcome and comfortable…not worrying if things arenʼt perfect. It took me awhile, but Iʼve finally learned that itʼs not about me, our home, or the skill of my cooking…itʼs about the love and friendship that we offer to others.

My home is clean enough, the food is simple home cooking, and hopefully my guests feel welcome, relaxed, and look forward to returning.

Love, Mary
marysnest.com

Here are some great posts by Mary:
Secret to Easy Meal Planning
10 Top Kitchen Items to Simplify Your Life
Intuitive Cooking
10 Steps to Organizing the Kitchen

The meal had been served and my sisters and I jumped up to bus the salad dishes, to remove them from the table and out of the way.

It was a special dinner party for my dad as we tightly packed in 17 people around several tables pushed together to make one.

I rinsed the dishes quickly and put them in the sink, and then sat back down to enjoy the rest of the meal with my guests.

After dinner, we removed the dinner plates and served up birthday cake. But before I sat down, I quickly rinsed those plates and loaded everything into the dishwasher.

Then I hit START.

I know that everyone has their own routine for doing the dishes while entertaining.

A. Let the guests bus the dishes.
B. Only you or your spouse bus the dishes.
C. Load them in the dishwasher as you use them.
D. Only load the dishes after the meal is completely over.
E. Never do any dishes until the last guest has left.
F. Make sure every single dish is washed before you go to bed.
G. Anyone can help with the dishes after the meal.
H. Anyone can help with the dishes at any time during the meal.
I. Only load what fits in the dishwasher, put the food away, and do the rest in the morning.

I’m sure I’m forgetting a few scenarios, but here’s what I do:

I bus/load as I go. It just makes it easier. And when the last guest has left, I’ll empty the dishwasher if the cycle is complete, and start one last load, OR, finish it up in the morning. This isn’t so much out of laziness; we’re usually just so tired. We like our guests to stay as late as they want, and by the time everyone has said their good-byes, it’s usually far past our usual bedtime. It’s not a dreaded feeling, but a happy feeling of, “awww, what a great time!”

There will always be more dishes to do, but we don’t always have our friends and family close at hand.

I feel it’s more important to enjoy our guests.

After this particular party, I did 2 final loads the next morning.

I had dishes on the counter that were hand-washed, and the glasses and plates that came out of the dishwasher.

After putting everything away, my counters looked nice and fresh, like this. (That’s my “purdy” lemon tree in the far right corner.)

Do you like getting the dishes done right away, or do you leave them for later? Choosing betweein A – I (above), what is your normal routine when hosting a dinner party?

One of my family’s traditions during the winter months is for my sisters and me to prepare a birthday dinner for our Dad.

This year he turned 75, which made the dinner party very special.

My family looks forward to this evening, year after year, not just because it’s “Grandpa’s birthday,” but because they know we’ll be eating one of our favorite German dishes, Fleischkuechle.

-We set the date.
-Plan the exact same menu every year.
-We delegate the dishes.
-This year it was “adults only.”
-Set the table for 17!

And then we enjoy our time together.

This recipe (meat mixture of beef and sausage wrapped in dough; boiled; served with bread crumbs and pickled beets) originated on my Mom’s side of the family, and has been a tradition in our family for almost 50 years (my age, probably longer!) I really need to research how far back this recipe goes. I’ve never posted the recipe because, to be honest with you, what makes it unique and “tasty” is cooking it together with my sisters.

I wouldn’t want it any other way. (That’s us about 5 years with our daughters.)

Or want to eat it any other way.

It’s a favorite meal that comes around once a year.

Cooking favorite foods together is an important aspect of creating family memories, wouldn’t you agree?

We transform the house with good smells, lots of steamy windows (we boil the Fleischkuechle in 2 large pots), and we sing along to Pandora (3 girls, 3-part-harmony).

Each family has their own traditions for celebrating what’s unique to them. Our family loves Flashkeglia, which is practically gone as soon as we set the bowls on the table. We actually joke around and “count” how many we’ve eaten. In a sense we make it a game, and we always hold a few back for breakfast the next morning.

What “food” family tradition does your family celebrate?

This was the special gift we bought our Dad this year. My Dad and Mom (and Ginny) are 3 gifts in life who have taught me a lot about hospitality. I have one hanging on the wall in my dining room. And you can, too, by checking out RED LETTER WORDS website.

Today I’m sharing my thoughts on entertaining and exercise, and how they work together. I’m really interested if you feel the same way.

I’m passionate about entertaining, inviting people into our home to share a meal and soul connection. It’s powerful what one night with friends and meaningful talk can do for a person. It brings encouragement. Encouragement means to “bolster one’s courage.”

It think of Eleanor Roosevelt’s quote:

“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot.”

Obviously, you don’t have to exercise at all to have people in to your home, but one thing I’ve learned is that I’m a much happier hostess when I take care of my body and exercise – regularly. (Above photo on an early morning walk.)

I won’t go into the many reasons why we all need exercise, except to say that if I’m going to have energy for others, I need energy myself.

(My friend Jenny’s Labradoodle and Goldendoodle, Bella and Finnegan. Aren’t they cute?)

It also helps build relationships while exercising with friends.

Exercise actually brings energy to my body, soul, and mind.

Body – We all know the implications of exercise and health.
Soul – When I “share life” with my running partners, it’s good for the soul.
Mind – When I’m out by myself exercising I can pray, meditate, and focus on good thoughts.

It all works together for good when we have company over. I’m more pleasant with my family ahead of time, I’m more organized in my mind as to what needs to be done, I can focus and plan, and then it all comes together to make a HAPPY HOSTESS and a happy event.

Do you think exercise benefits your life and relationships?

After Christmas we hosted a small gathering in our home for our daughter, who’s headed to Carnegie Hall in 2012 with a group that she plays violin with. It’s an exciting time for our family!

I’ve already been in the entertaining mode, but since Christmas was passed, I wanted to add an element of freshness and greenery.

I fell in love with the lemon cypress plants at our local grocery store and the price was right to have them inside, decorated, and then be able to plant them outside in larger pots in a few months.

To get ready for about 25 people in our home, I pulled out the white dishes that I’d be using for the spread.

Paper napkins and plates from the Dollar Store.

I added green ribbon to the plants and placed them in a white dish (since I will be planting these in our courtyard, I did not want to buy pots for the plants, an additional expense.)

Placed them around the house.

Used pictures of old-violin-days.

We brought out our daughter’s first violin that she started playing at age 4.

A memorable night, we were grateful for the gift of music, old and new friends, and the effort our daughter put into her concert.

How to care for lemon cypress trees
From what we’ve been told, these pretty little plants need a TON of water. But I took some info from the web on how to take care of them if you want to read up on them before you purchase them. They are so bright and cheery and really fun to decorate with!

Indoors
Keep your lemon cypress tree near a window where light is plentiful. During colder months, consider using a light box to give it light. Keep the soil moist, especially during the winter. According to Indoorplantcare.com, new lemon cypress owners often make the mistake of watering their trees using only tap water. The lemon cypress needs water with properly measured fertilizer for nutrition.

Outdoors
Lemon cypress trees are accustomed to a fair amount of heat. About 68 degrees is best. Caring for a lemon cypress outdoors requires maintaining a frequent watering schedule and ensuring that the tree is properly fed and trimmed. Indoorplantcare.com suggests planting lemon cypress in a somewhat acidic mixture of compost. Adding a little clay or sand to already fertile soil will keep your lemon cypress growing year after year.

Are your Christmas decorations down, and how do you plan to refresh things up this month?

Dining with one’s friends and beloved family is certainly one of life’s primal and most innocent delights, one that is both soul-satisfying and eternal. – Julia Child

Tonight at midnight, we’ll be celebrating a brand new year on Reluctant Entertainer.

I want to thank my readers for their love, support, enthusiasm, and comments in 2011. I appreciate you!

The New Year provides a catalyst for recalling the good times, doesn’t it? We reflect back on the year and we look forward to what’s to come.

The thread of celebrations run through our homes, and for many, it’s focused the most around our dinner tables, where so much of “life” takes place.

In this post, I want to share some positive memories and good times that I had in 2011 with the friends and loved ones who helped create them.

Just for fun, I want to look back to some of my favorite published posts.

The real miracle of food around the table

If your gathering lacks pizazz and Cranberry Hazelnut bread

Butternut mushroom bread pudding

A cry for help that “I don’t want to entertain”

NYE party and chocolate dipped bacon

Teaching our kids that imperfect is good with Oreo Truffles.

Folding or hanging tablecloths?

Does having a history with friends make entertaining easier?

Roasting tomatoes and whole wheat pasta

Not-too-fancy Lemon Curd ice cream

How to end a party with style and grace

Girls having fun with Risotto with Butternut Squash

Getting strawberries planted in the ground early

How to set up a holiday buffet

Wow your guests with Red Beet Chili

Do you fudge with expiration dates in your pantry?

How to make cake flour

Forcing branches on your kitchen counter

Balcony Girls, chocolate sauce, and the Theatre of Bullying

Hospitality and story about Virginia

8 tips on gardening in the city

Flexibility with teens and Buttermilk Coffee Cake

My house is too clean?

Setting a beautiful Easter table

The perfect boiled egg

Benefits of entertaining 2 nights in a row

Wild mushroom and white bean tart

Serving and giving at a dinner party

My son set the table and it wasn’t perfect

How to store fresh picked strawberries

Teen party with mini pavlovas

How to make a fruit and flowers centerpiece

Growing seeds with an AeroGarden

One hot summer’s night … (and 30 Days of Summer Entertaining)

How to stencil a cake

Pork Chops with Glazed Apricots

Chicken and Beans Nacho Casserole

How to mix and freeze herb butter

Mashing pinto beans

5 part series on how to can jam

Roasted balsamic strawberry bruschetta

How to take a meal to a family in need

What is a blogging conference?

More relaxed when everyone pitches in

Nutella Berry Bruschetta

Summer pulled chicken pizza on pita bread

Mini caprese bites

How to cook a large houseboat meal

How to create a centerpiece using lavender

Old-fashioned peach cobbler

Prawns with avocado and mango salad

Using a secret ingredient when cooking dinner

How to thank a hostess

Zucchini noodles with parmesan sauce

Canning peaches with a friend

Technology versus people

Sisters in NYC

Even in a messy house

Turkey bacon meatballs

What is discontentment?

Again, a huge thank you to all my readers in 2011! You’ve encouraged me to keep writing, cooking, and sharing table experiences.

Happy New Year, Friends!

What was your favorite post on RE in 2011? What would you like to see more of on RE in 2012?

During the month of December, festivities have centered around feasting, candles, gifts and giving, beautiful music, and the art of gathering together and telling “the story.” I love this time of year!

One beautiful memory for me was helping my friend, Jeannie, prepare and serve at her dinner party in her home. It was really special because my daughter helped, too.

Jeannie invited her craft group friends.This group of ladies have gathering for 15+ years, meeting every month in each others homes to work on a craft. Not just any ordinary craft, either. I’ve seen their work–classy and works of art! Last week was Jeannie’s month to host–December being a month of relaxation and planning for the group’s upcoming year–and Jeannie asked me to help her with the prime rib dinner and entertainment, and to surprise the ladies.

What I noticed about this cohesive group was their spirit of giving and closeness with one another. I think if every woman had a close-knit group to be a part of–where true opinions count, it’s safe and easy to ask “what do you think of this or that,” or say, “I need help with this,”–sharing each others struggles and always there for one another, this world would be a better place.

For my daughter and I, this group was inspiring.

We started the event by planning. One bright and early morning, I went to Minor and Jeannie’s to plan the menu and events.

And to get the prime rib ready. (Yes, I’m wearing a Hip Hostess apron.)

And then Jeannie set the perfect party table using what she had. (What defines perfect? Whatever makes you happy and perfect in your mind.)

I was honored that she asked to borrow my Dollar Store glasses so she could talk about the message of RE (Entertaining is easy, with an “I can do this!” attitude.)

The table was set so beautifully.

And then the ladies came.

They mingled. We all mingled. We played a fun game.

I loved being part of the “kitchen help,” with Jeannie’s husband, Minor.

We celebrated when the prime rib came out of the oven.

I was particularly touched by Jeannie’s sharing around the dinner table that this was her first big entertaining moment to pull our her wedding china in 6 years, since she had a bone marrow transplant.

She didn’t know that while cooking in the kitchen, I was listening around the corner from the dining room … and I was touched.

I loved glancing in and watching these beautiful ladies interact.

Then the big surprise happened when my daughter, Abby, came around the corner playing Christmas carols on her violin. None of the ladies knew she was a violinist!

She serenaded us and shared about her upcoming trip to Carnegie Hall with the Siskiyou Violins group in March.

As we served this beautiful group of ladies, I couldn’t help but think about how the holidays provide a catalyst for memory making.

Anyone looking in would have been encouraged by feeling the love, the Christmas spirit, and the true affirmation of hope.

Once again, food was the conduit for connection.

And through this night of connection, another story can be told.

What memory-making event has “changed you” this Christmas season?

There’s something about entertaining during the holidays that brings a level of excitement, but also to the disorganized person, a sense of dread. I love to entertain, but I enjoy it most when it comes together quickly and spontaneously.

1. Set the date and invite: Set the date for your party, grab a notebook and pencil and start making your list of who to invite. Don’t waver over the invitation list. Go with your gut on who comes to mind first and get going on the invitations.

MISTAKE: “But so-and-so can’t make it!” During the holidays you won’t be able to accommodate everyone, so once you set the date, move on to the planning stage. You could drive yourself crazy moving the date around to get everyone there.

2. Plan what kind of party you want to have: Think about formal, casual, brunches vs. dinner, buffet-style or open house. There are so many holiday party options, and it’s a crazy time of year, so choose one that fits your time schedule and your family’s needs.

MISTAKE: “I just can’t afford to entertain this way.” People forget the power of “delegation” and how much easier it is to simply ask your guests to bring a dish. It saves on the pocketbook and people are so willing to help out and to “be a part of the party,” whichever type you choose.

3. Be organized and keep your cupboards stocked. Make sure and keep relishes, cheeses, nuts and dried fruit and wines stocked for last-minute drop ins. People love to stop by during holiday seasons, because it’s such a cheery, festive time of year.

MISTAKE: “I never know what to serve for a quick appetizer.” We tend to over-complicate what should be simple. If we get out of our minds elaborate fondues and appetizers that take hours to prepare, and stick with a simple bowl of toasted nuts, a brick of goat cheese sprinkled with pomegranate seeds (festive for the season), along with some yummy crackers – there we have it! Slice a fresh pear (a symbol of the holidays) and you could sit and munch and talk with your friends for hours over the appetizers alone.

4. Don’t apologize to your guests when something goes wrong. Words of apology should never come out of a hostess’ mouth. Learn to bite your tongue when something burns or doesn’t turn out. Think quickly to how you can add a sauce, change the presentation of the food (turn the burnt side down), add fresh herbs to make it look better, or if a dessert, add whipped cream on top.

MISTAKE: “I’m so sorry I scorched the chicken!” Once you apologize, you can change the whole course of the evening. Everyone is thinking about what went wrong, it makes them uncomfortable, it takes away from the once–relaxed setting, and all eyes are on YOU. Many times, guests would never have known something went bad if you would have kept it to yourself.

5. Enjoy every moment of holiday celebrations. Holidays are easy because you can have music playing in the background, your house is already decorated and the spirit is in the air. Learn to sit back, relax, and enjoy your guests!

MISTAKE: “My house is not perfect, thus I don’t want people over!” When we fall into the “perfection-trap” we lose our joy and ability to enjoy others. Our mind is on ourselves and it’s a very selfish focus. Once we learn to put our perfections aside (and realize we are “all” imperfect), we can move on to the benefits of entertaining: spending time with family and friends and getting to know them in a deeper way. We create healthy memories for our children when we invite people over and show them how to become hospitable.

Entertaining during the holidays can be very stressful.

Again, organization, pulling your family in to help, keeping it all very simple (KISS–Keep It Simple, Sister!), and realizing the reason we are all gathering in the first place, really helps our attitude.

Instead of spending time in the kitchen, take off your apron, grab a plate of food, and join your guests.

There’s nothing left for you to do but enjoy.

What mistake do you tend to make with holiday entertaining? We’d love to hear your tips!

With the holidays here, and as guests walk into our homes, the first thing they may see is our prepared table.

The table that reflects great warmth.

The table that reflects hospitality.

The table that says:

T Take the time
A Ask the right questions
B Break bread
L Listen
E Empathize

I love chef Alton Brown’s perspective on the table. When asked what the most important tool in his kitchen was, guess what his reply was?

“The table. It doesn’t matter how good you are at performing great culinary acts of artistry if there isn’t the place for communion to happen. The words “communion” and “communicate” come from the same root word: “common,” meaning “to make common, to disperse commonly.” So to me, that’s the real miracle of food. When you take away the table and the act of service at the table, everything falls apart.”

Those words hit me hard. Think about the time when there is a lack of communion around the table. Negativity, dissension, jealousy, judgmental attitudes, pride … plain ol’ being full of self.

That’s not what I call communion.The experience starts to unravel.

So my hope is that you will take the time to enjoy and love the people sitting around your table this Thanksgiving.

Are you looking forward to your “table” experience this weekend?

It was over 7 years ago that we enjoyed a brand new kitchen at our old home that we lived in for 10 years. I remember the freshness of moving in, unpacking from the garage, having brand-new – and feeling on top of the world.

Then life became … reality.

The kitchen, that once was sparkling new, didn’t seem so new any more. The glitter of it all started to fade as I still had to do dishes and other messy work. Just when you think you have the kitchen clean, all the kids come home, food is left out, dishes are left in the sink. Reality meant stacks of “stuff” piled up on the counters, mail to be opened, reminders to be put onto the calendar. The kids make huge messes, the cupboards need wiping down because of the spaghetti sauce that ran over.

My busy life left my new kitchen looking not so pretty anymore. My happiness began to wane.

Those of you who have followed my blog know that we remodeled our kitchen in our present home 2 years ago. It was a long process to get it done, doing much of the work ourselves, working with a tight budget. We had to make decisions to cut things that we wanted, to keep in things that were important to us, to make it a place of comfort, rest, healing, and satisfaction to many bodies who would be congregating there in the years to come. And sure enough, we’ve had many entertaining moments in the last 2 years. More than I can count!

The taste of “newness” and “freshness,” and thinking life will be happier when my new kitchen is done … never really took place, partly because using “if” and “when” thinking never works.

It’s a robber of our time and thought process to “go there” with that kind of thinking.

I want to remember the lesson I learned with my old kitchen. I was just as happy then as I am now. My happiness didn’t lie in perfect or new. Because as perfect and new wears off, and becomes old rather quickly, life just finds its way of settling in again.

It’s then that I’m reminded that I must keep my priorities straight.

As the newness has already faded, I quickly stop and remind myself that it’s what goes on in our kitchen that really matters. It’s about the love that transpires, the bonding with friends and family that is inspired, the nourishment that will be provided and shared together.

It’s sitting back and relaxing; what I call sharing the common life.

Bringing our kids and their friends back into the “center of the home,” for last minute get-togethers, planned holiday events, buffet or sit-down dinners with our friends.

God blesses us all with exactly what we have each day. It’s perfect for the day, whether old or new, and He meets our needs, down to the finest details.

I want to daily create a place of love, in the heart of my home, called “the kitchen”, where food is served, and real sharing takes place.

How have you kept a healthy perspective of your imperfect kitchen?

The holidays are here, whether we like it or not. November is the month we start planning, getting dates on the calendar, inviting, thinking up menus, cooking, getting our houses ready for the holidays.

Are you excited or do you already feel burned out … and the festivities haven’t even begun?

A long-time follower of RE recently wrote to me, and in true honesty, I thanked her for being real. Real, because I know many of us dread the holidays and have the exact same feelings.

I’m not a reluctant entertainer by any means; in fact, I regularly offer to host gatherings at my house and throw a couple of big parties each year. However, I am frustrated.

I feel that in our group of friends, I am the ONLY one who actually hosts people. It seems as though everyone else has one excuse or another as to why they can’t have people over. So as a result, I am the one putting out quite a bit of money and time to host people, and I feel as though I receive nothing in return. I understand that the payoff for me should be that everyone has a great time, and I am happy when they do, but it’d be nice to not have to cram a lot of people into my smallish house once in awhile and deal with the setup, cleanup, and aftermath of spending a few hundred dollars to entertain.

Much of my frustration came about recently when I hosted a party. I didn’t get a chance to mingle as much as I had wanted and I ended up not enjoying myself at all–to the point where I’m not doing this again next year. Even with small get-togethers, we are friends with only one couple that reciprocates at all when it comes to entertaining. It’s nice to not have to do most of the work sometimes and to feel appreciated when we are invited to someone else’s house. But with most of our friends, we are either going out to a restaurant or meeting up at my house.

My husband and I wonder, are we just not on the “A” list and maybe some of our friends really are entertaining and they just don’t invite us? I don’t know how to reconcile my feelings about all of this. As we come upon the holiday season, I’d love to have a few couples over but then again, I don’t feel as though it should be up to me to host ALL THE TIME if we want to see each other. Ironically, my house is the smallest of all in our circle of friends, yet I’m always the hostess.

What do you think? Do I just need to get over myself and be grateful that people like to come to my house and that they end up having a good time, or am I a little justified in not wanting to always put out the expense and the work it takes to be a good hostess? Or is it something else all together?

I think people are just not entertaining like they should. I doubt there is an A list. I know people have judged me for having an A list, when in reality sometimes we just want to invite people over who inspire and lift others up, who are encouraging and know how to have a fun time. The other thing about A or B lists is that, in our minds, we build traditions. As in, this group comes together, and the next time, the same people should be invited.

I like to mix it up. That is what hospitality is all about. And it’s always rewarding to invite new people over. Life is about growing, building new relationships, expanding our horizons, and getting to know new people and what they are about.

It’s inspiring to invite new people over. It’s also comfortable to invite long-time friends over.

Signs of entertaining burnout:
You did not enjoy yourself when the guests left
You did too much
You didn’t delegate any of the dishes
You didn’t have a good attitude
You didn’t include your spouse’s opinion in the first place. Was he/she on board?
You’re resentful of the money spent
You’re resentful of no reciprocation
You’re inviting out of obligation, not because you want to form new relationships or stronger bonds

There’s nothing worse than bad feelings when you shut the door after the last guest leaves.

I could be judged on this answer, but make sure that if you’re feeling burn-out, the next time you should simplify, invite people you really want to be with, delegate so you don’t have to do it all, and that you do a heart check (again, my husband is my barometer).

The last time you entertained, how did you feel when your guests left?

Today is the day my 31 Days of Warm Connections series comes to an end. I’m actually sad about it ending, and honored to have shared how food and people and different hospitable moments are all intertwined.

If we wait for perfect situations or moments in life, they may never come.

If we are on alert, ready to listen to our hearts, ready to extend a helping hand, to put our imperfections aside and reach out even when we don’t feel like it, to think and plan ahead, to take care of our families and our homes, to put our worries and expectations aside … then we are ready for some serious hospitality.

Tomorrow is a new day. It’s November 1 and the hype of the holidays begins.

Hype is not my favorite word, but it really rings true if we don’t keep our heads, settle in to the true meaning of gathering with friends and family, slow down and relax … breathe … enjoy.

This is my goal for the next few months. As we take the time to eat with others, I want to enjoy every entertaining or hospitable moment that comes my way.

Food is a way to connect human beings with one another. It unifies, we share our heritages, and even if we don’t always agree, the main ingredient comes down to love.

Alton Brown says it well: No one will cook as well for you as someone who loves and cares for you.

Warm connections around the table, hearty and strong, help make us who we are.

And they stay with us forever.

Do you have a goal the next few months, for keeping your sanity and being able to enjoy the holidays ahead?

Tomorrow’s a very “exciting” day. Come back to enter to win THIS beauty, a KitchenAid Food processor. Perfect timing for all of the holiday cooking and baking ahead.

Get caught up, Days 1-30 of 31 Days of Warm Connections, HERE.

It was a much needed and longed for night.

Our friends invited us over for what I call an “early Thanksgiving Dinner,” because any time we experience gratitude in our hearts, isn’t it Thanksgiving?

Fresh green salad, tender roast beef, flavorful potatoes and perfect carrots and sweet onions, sweet and spicy corn hash, homemade rolls and real butter.

Nothing is better than homemade.

Warm connections are built around the opportunity to reconnect with and encourage close knit friends. Many times it starts with food.

Close knit … being real and authentic, feeling free to break into song, sharing our deepest hearts, concentrating on the richness that comes out of quiet and gratitude.

It’s hard to explain what happened after we ate dinner.

We lit a fire. Flames joining us together in a profound way.

We snuggled. Some didn’t know each other well, but we walked away as “family.”

She placed her hand on my shoulder. I felt loved and accepted.

The guitar was handed to him. The outside area felt warmer, the people became quieter, the fire became our secret escape for focusing on God.

They sang to us, a song of healing and love. How beautiful, to break into a song of praise.

He asked about our lives and ministries. We feel small, but when embraced and encouraged, we’re challenged to give and our perspective changes.

She told her story. Every time she speaks, love and grace and mercy flow from her lips.

We sang together. Leaning on the Everlasting Arms.

We talked about spiritual matters. The words from our lips became sources of great affirmation and hope.

The pie was served, a perfect crust. Tart apples, a tiny bit of ice cream, and bold coffee. Cutting edge, sweet, courageous.

They had to leave early. Home to a special needs son.

Food is the conduit to what comes next.

What comes next is up to us, in how we want to spend our time on earth, with our time and talents, our attitudes and perspectives, and how we love.

When’s the last time you experienced a dinner that impacted you or your family?

Get caught up, Days 1-25 of 31 Days of Warm Connections, HERE.

Winners of last 2 giveaways are: Bev from Bev Cooks won the Bush’s Beans giveaway, Kirstin from Loving Life, Jan from Jan Udlock, and Kim from Art of Domestic Living won Melissa Michael’s new eBook. Congrats, Ladies!

Learning to love our neighbors and friends, and seeing a need and filling it, brings warmer connections in life.

In many seasons of life, I’ve learned to give to others.

Giving reminds people that you care, and that they matter.

My two girlfriends in town both lost their mamas last week. Even though both moms were elderly, 89 and 92, no matter how “ready” you think you’ll be to let a loved one go, it’s hard.

I asked myself what I could do to bless these hurting women. Flowers and cards are great, but what would be a more personable touch, especially since I lost my mom in my early 30s and understood their pain. I determined to bring a meal to each of my friends. (One in a basket, one in a lined box. Boxes work great, too!)

With one friend, I got to see a recent video and hear the laughter of a very special lady.

With the other, I got to view (and soaked it in) a slideshow of her mother’s life.

Both beautiful. Both loved. Both lived long, fulfilled lives.

Both left grieving daughters and families.

Sometimes we have to say “yes” to looking deeper at what we can do for others.

Warmer connections come from the heart.

And when we actually learn to fulfill another’s need, it grows our hearts.

When’s the last time you let someone know that you cared?

(My friend, Sheila, from Eat 2 Gather, is providing 31 Days of Meals 4 Sharing, if you’re in a rut and need some fresh ideas on how and why to give to others. I’ve been blessed by her posts! I also have an entire section on “taking meals to others” in my book, The Reluctant Entertainer.)

If you missed previous days to 31 Days of Warm Connections …
Day 1: Secret Ingredient to Warmer Connections
Day 2: Bringing the Beauty of Autumn to Your Table
Day 3: Multi-Generational Pear Applesauce
Day 4: Canning Suncrest Peaches with a Friend
Day 5: How to Find Contentment
Day 6: Encouragement with Easy Pear Cobbler
Day 7: Bush’s Garbanzos, Chicken, and Quinoa Soup for a Sports Family
Day 8: More About Others
Day 9: Technology Versus People
Day 10: The Table Experience with Bush’s Beans
Day 11: Dreaming of Autumn Guests
Day 12: Gathering Around a Homemade Life
Day 13: Sisters in New York City
Day 14: Giving to Those in Need
Day 15: Enjoying Everyday Sounds
Day 16: Life’s Small Moments
Day 17: Well-Designed Kitchen Counter
Day 18: “Now Time” and 5 Years at RE
Day 19: Taking a Chance and Chocolate Caramel Bars
Day 20: Harry and David, Nostalgia and Hospitality
Day 21: Even in a Messy House
Day 22: Happy Autumn at the Front Door

And be sure to check out the rest of the 31 Day Participants!

Warm connections are easier when we are comfortable in our our skin. And in our own homes. And we learn to invite others in.

The other day I was sharing over at Simple Mom’s blog and received some true, authentic comments from readers. (If you have a minute, read the comments.)

One struck a cord with me.

A friend of mine says her messy house is her “Gift” to her friends, as they will stop feeling self-conscious about their own houses when they come to hers. I had her over last week and announced when she walked in, “I have a gift for you!”

Isn’t a normal, well-lived-in house a gift that we can give our friends? It doesn’t mean we don’t pick up, or even clean, but many times hospitable situations are spur-of-the-moment. We can totally miss out on fellowship and being loved on–and loving back–by our friends or family.

After a soccer game, our friends opened their home to several families, totally unplanned. They got in there, as a couple, and pulled together a fantastic meal for 3 families. Their house was normal, just like yours and mine, and I can tell you that no one judged or even looked around. We were there for Vicky’s amazing food, and to visit with their loving family, and to talk soccer! (Ha!)

Learn that hospitality is a gift to GIVE.

It’s not about you. It has nothing to do with the state of your home. It’s all about love and being real. And it turns into a warm connection.

Do you feel that your house has to be perfectly tidied before you say “yes” to hospitality?

If you missed previous days to 31 Days of Warm Connections …
Day 1: Secret Ingredient to Warmer Connections
Day 2: Bringing the Beauty of Autumn to Your Table
Day 3: Multi-Generational Pear Applesauce
Day 4: Canning Suncrest Peaches with a Friend
Day 5: How to Find Contentment
Day 6: Encouragement with Easy Pear Cobbler
Day 7: Bush’s Garbanzos, Chicken, and Quinoa Soup for a Sports Family
Day 8: More About Others
Day 9: Technology Versus People
Day 10: The Table Experience with Bush’s Beans
Day 11: Dreaming of Autumn Guests
Day 12: Gathering Around a Homemade Life
Day 13: Sisters in New York City
Day 14: Giving to Those in Need
Day 15: Enjoying Everyday Sounds
Day 16: Life’s Small Moments
Day 17: Well-Designed Kitchen Counter
Day 18: “Now Time” and 5 Years at RE
Day 19: Taking a Chance and Chocolate Caramel Bars
Day 20: Harry and David, Nostalgia and Hospitality

And be sure to check out the rest of the 31 Day Participants!

I’m over at Simple Mom’s today!

Warmer connections come when we’re willing to take a chance.

If you’ve been following along my 31 Days of Warm Connections series, I’m sharing about friendships and opening our homes today.

A few weeks ago, two of my newer friends came to my house on a Friday morning. In my mind, all week long, I thought about my commitments, list of chores, the last part of the garden that needed harvesting, canning, blogging … you name it, the “list” in my mind became overwhelming and I tried to talk myself out of the invitation I had already made.

READ the rest of the story over at Simple Mom’s …

The recipe that Fiona brought to my house on this day was so tasty. She’s a gluten-free girl so this is how she made it. Yum!

And a little warning: You won’t be able to stop with just one piece.

(Join the conversation over at Simple Mom’s!)

If you missed previous days to 31 Days of Warm Connections …
Day 1: Secret Ingredient to Warmer Connections
Day 2: Bringing the Beauty of Autumn to Your Table
Day 3: Multi-Generational Pear Applesauce
Day 4: Canning Suncrest Peaches with a Friend
Day 5: How to Find Contentment
Day 6: Encouragement with Easy Pear Cobbler
Day 7: Bush’s Garbanzos, Chicken, and Quinoa Soup for a Sports Family
Day 8: More About Others
Day 9: Technology Versus People
Day 10: The Table Experience with Bush’s Beans
Day 11: Dreaming of Autumn Guests
Day 12: Gathering Around a Homemade Life
Day 13: Sisters in New York City
Day 14: Giving to Those in Need
Day 15: Enjoying Everyday Sounds
Day 16: Life’s Small Moments
Day 17: Well-Designed Kitchen Counter
Day 18: “Now Time” and 5 Years at RE
Day 19: Taking a Chance and Chocolate Caramel Bars

And be sure to check out the rest of the 31 Day Participants!

A few weeks ago two friends came over for a morning visit. There’s just nothing like IRL (In Real Life) relationships. Fiona brought her baby, the cutest baby boy on the planet.

Jenny, who brought her twin daughters, hugged me several times as she was leaving, because after following RE for 4 years and recently moving to my town, we finally got to meet IRL. By the way, I was hugging her back just as hard, because it was a mutual feeling for me. I immediately fell in love with this girl, mama of 4 little ones, wife of a very busy professional, new to my town.

Here’s a little insight into what IRL is all about: Real relationships, God’s perfect plan, in real life.

I was sitting at my son’s soccer game (well, husband’s too, since he’s the varsity coach) with my Dad on one side and my friend Minor on the other. We were clearly winning against what we thought would be a very difficult Portland team (final score 7-1) and I turned to Minor and said, it’s so good to be here “IRL.”

He said, What’s IRL?

I said, In Real Life.

I told Minor (a retired Cardiologist who’s very savvy with the computer, iPhone, texting, all types of social media) … You need to know what this term means!

I went on to explain that we do so much by texting and email now, that the physical touch, hug, talking face-to-face, looking into the eyes when there is pain or joy, seeing the extra wrinkles or gray hairs, or my favorite, reaching out and holding the person’s hand sitting next to me, seems to be gone.

When I started my blog 5 years ago TODAY, my tag line was “real entertaining for real people.” Along the way I seemed to have lost the actual wording, but the evidence remains the same.

I’m really not interested in writing about entertaining unless I’m really doing it. No staged shots without the food consumed by the guests, but instead “IRL” dinner parties where life happens around the table, a quality time of talking, laughing, sharing, even crying … it’s what I call “now time.”

Warmer connections come when we meet for real, face-to-face.

Do you ever feel guilty, with all the social media taking place, that you’re not connecting with the ones you really love and miss?

If you missed previous days to 31 Days of Warm Connections …
Day 1: Secret Ingredient to Warmer Connections
Day 2: Bringing the Beauty of Autumn to Your Table
Day 3: Multi-Generational Pear Applesauce
Day 4: Canning Suncrest Peaches with a Friend
Day 5: How to Find Contentment
Day 6: Encouragement with Easy Pear Cobbler
Day 7: Bush’s Garbanzos, Chicken, and Quinoa Soup for a Sports Family
Day 8: More About Others
Day 9: Technology Versus People
Day 10: The Table Experience with Bush’s Beans
Day 11: Dreaming of Autumn Guests
Day 12: Gathering Around a Homemade Life
Day 13: Sisters in New York City
Day 14: Giving to Those in Need
Day 15: Enjoying Everyday Sounds
Day 16: Life’s Small Moments
Day 17: Well-Designed Kitchen Counter

And be sure to check out the rest of the 31 Day Participants!

There was a knock at my front door.

I answered with a very warm feeling in my heart.

My friend was standing there with her twin daughters. In each of their darling hands, both girls wearing matching dresses, were two gifts for me.

One handed me a tiny pumpkin.

The other, a jar of Harry and David’s Pumpkin Fruit Butter.

The notion that simple pleasures-a reminder of autumn, and a taste of sweet fruit butter on a warm piece of bread–bring comfort and make us happy, is very true.

I gave the girls a hug and invited them in.

Warm connections come when we enjoy life’s small moments.

When’s the last time you were blessed with a knock at the front door?

If you missed previous days to 31 Days of Warm Connections …
Day 1: Secret Ingredient to Warmer Connections
Day 2: Bringing the Beauty of Autumn to Your Table
Day 3: Multi-Generational Pear Applesauce
Day 4: Canning Suncrest Peaches with a Friend
Day 5: How to Find Contentment
Day 6: Encouragement with Easy Pear Cobbler
Day 7: Bush’s Garbanzos, Chicken, and Quinoa Soup for a Sports Family
Day 8: More About Others
Day 9: Technology Versus People
Day 10: The Table Experience with Bush’s Beans
Day 11: Dreaming of Autumn Guests
Day 12: Gathering Around a Homemade Life
Day 13: Sisters in New York City
Day 14: Giving to Those in Need
Day 15: Enjoying Everyday Sounds

My friend reached out and asked if I’d come to the Gospel Mission with her to serve the men. At first I was reluctant to give 3 hours of my time, but I’m glad I said yes. I have to admit I can be overprotective of my time. The “B” word pops up almost daily in my life.

I’m just too busy.

Michelle is a bigger-than-life person who connects with everyone, no matter the circumstances. She’s not hesitant to dive in and serve, and the lesson I learned on this day was very simple.

Learning to give to those in need starts with your heart. Be willing to do something for someone else.

Learning to give to those in need involves willing hands. Be willing to give of your time, even when you don’t think you have the time.

Learning to give to those in need requires humility. Be willing to see others as God would see them.

I made myself look into the eyes of these men coming through the line for their food, just like Michelle did. Some men came with their families, some came alone, some came through the line with their friend by their side. Some made eye contact, others looked down.

It was about making others feel comfortable in a not-so-comfortable situation, about asking a simple question, How are you today? By filling the plates with nourishment and love.

I need to think more about contribution and less about my comfort.

Warmer connections come when we stop and give of our time, hearts, and hands.

Do you struggle with the “busy” word like I do?

If you missed previous days to 31 Days of Warm Connections …
Day 1: Secret Ingredient to Warmer Connections
Day 2: Bringing the Beauty of Autumn to Your Table
Day 3: Multi-Generational Pear Applesauce
Day 4: Canning Suncrest Peaches with a Friend
Day 5: How to Find Contentment
Day 6: Encouragement with Easy Pear Cobbler
Day 7: Bush’s Garbanzos, Chicken, and Quinoa Soup for a Sports Family
Day 8: More About Others
Day 9: Technology Versus People
Day 10: The Table Experience with Bush’s Beans
Day 11: Dreaming of Autumn Guests
Day 12: Gathering Around a Homemade Life
Day 13: Sisters in New York City

Molly Wizenberg was one of the first food bloggers I read back in 2006 when I started RE. Her blog, Orangette, in a way is iconic to me.

Molly said this best, in her book, A Homemade Life:

“When I walk into my kitchen today, I am not alone. Whether we know it or not, none of us is. We bring fathers and mothers and kitchen tables, and every meal we have ever eaten. Food is never just food. It’s also a way of getting at something else: who we are, who we have been and who we want to be.”

I often bring my mother into my cooking. How could I not? She taught me so much of what I know today. When she passed away, another beautiful woman came into my life, my dad’s wife, Ginny. (Dad, Ginny, my sister and me.)

Ginny does homemade just as good as mom did.

She brings the family together, binds and joins us together with homemade goodness every time we’re in their home. (View of the Table Rocks from their front room, in the beautiful Rogue Valley.)

Serving a family-style meal just says comfort.

Comfort comes from being who we are.

Being who we are comes from feeling free with the people around us.

The people around us bring warm connections.

And warm connections bring more feelings of love.

Molly Wizenberg has it right: Food is never just food. It’s also a way of getting at something else: who we are, who we have been and who we want to be.

When’s the last time you served a family-style meal around your table?

If you missed previous days to 31 Days of Warm Connections …
Day 1 (and 700 31 Day Bloggers): Secret Ingredient to Warmer Connections
Day 2: Bringing the Beauty of Autumn to Your Table
Day 3: Multi-Generational Pear Applesauce
Day 4: Canning Suncrest Peaches with a Friend
Day 5: How to Find Contentment
Day 6: Encouragement with Easy Pear Cobbler
Day 7: Bush’s Garbanzos, Chicken, and Quinoa Soup for a Sports Family
Day 8: More About Others
Day 9: Technology Versus People
Day 10: The Table Experience with Bush’s Beans
Day 11: Dreaming of Autumn Guests