Day 2. Perfectionism: Learn More About Yourself
Your dishes may be chipped. You may burn the meat. You don’t like your dining table. There’s always something about a dinner party that is not perfect. But you learn to take your eyes off of yourself and the things that are not perfect in your mind.
Grow up! Decide that you are going to deal with “image” in a new way.
If you struggle in this area, you may want to pick up a copy of my new book, The Reluctant Entertainer. I take an in-depth look at perfectionism and challenge you in a fresh way that will change your life as I write about the pitfalls of perfectionism, and then how to overcome it.
Back to dishes.
Think about your dishes.
Are you a perfectionist when it comes to dishes being chipped, perfectly matching, the latest “fad” or color, owning yet another set (when you already own 6 sets!). I actually think we can learn a lot about ourselves by just looking at our dishes.
For casual entertaining, I use my everyday Williams-Sonoma white dishes. Yes, they are chipped, partly from having 3 children plus a zillion of their friends using them, and I’ve had them for years. (For more formal entertaining I have another set of white wedding dishes.)
I’ve learned NOT to stress about what set of dishes I am using.
People are not coming to dinner to see my dishes.
Would you share about your dishes, flaws and all? Or the areas of perfectionism that you struggle with when it comes to entertaining?
For more 31 Days Series, visit these other amazing bloggers all month long:
Chatting at the Sky, Nesting Place, Balancing Beauty and Bedlam, My First Kitchen, Life With My 3 Boybarians, Remodeling This Life, The Inspired Room
I know this is an old post, but I would really like to know how you store and keep track of ten sets of dishes. I like them a lot but have not allowed myself to have that many sets, but I can serve 16+ with each of my three sets. (My everyday, my china, and my mother’s china.) It doesn’t all fit in a china cabinet and so they aren’t used as much as I’d like. How do you store and organize that many?
We all have to make choices. I could easily find 10 patterns, each very different, that I’d like to have. (In fact, I could actually name several right off the top of my head!) I do not want that much stuff, however. But please do not think I am judging you. As I said, we all have to make choices. Our home has thousands of books!
I have been married for twenty-five years and for twenty-five years we have eaten off of Pfaltzgraff Yorktowne. Many have been replaced, of course, since we do not eat off of broken dishes. (Our cat, however, has a glued-together saucer for her food.) Many of the pieces are chipped but I don’t pay much attention. When we have guests, I sometimes remember to look for unchipped pieces for their place settings, but usually not. My children are grown, but they and their friends have many happy memories that took place while eating off of this dinnerware pattern. I have a few tablecloth and napkin combinations to use with them (I do like to set a pretty table) but I am not much into change. (Or spending money on things I don’t need.)
WOW…..As I read your post, I thought of my grandmother’s house, always bustling with people coming in and out……I can picture it exactly in my mind’s eye. I also laughed because it sounds like you have a great sense of humor, as she did (a wonderful Irish sense of humor). The real WOW came at the end, because her name was DELLA!!!!!
Enjoy your family and friends, as she once said: you’re worth a million bucks to me!
Pingback: 31 Days to Stress-Free Entertaining! — Reluctant Entertainer
Pingback: Day 10. Space: Even a Cardboard Table Will Work — Reluctant Entertainer
Pingback: {31 Days of Living Simply} Day 21 ~ The Enemy of Simplicity | remodeling this life
Pingback: Day 11. Stress-Free Entertaining: Forget it! We Have Kids! — Reluctant Entertainer
I, too, have wedding china with a gold rim. Because I only use them a few times a year, I don’t feel that putting them through the dishwasher is going to hurt them at all. Almost twenty-five years later, they still look like new. Just don’t put them in the microwave!
I’m just now wandering through your posts on reluctant entertaining – yes, that’s because I’m so reluctant and didn’t want to feel convicted. I find often that my perfectionism is more centered around me being concerned with having 4 children ages 10 and under – what they will do, what I will do with them, what families do I invite – ones with kids, ones without – what about the ones where their youngest is the age of my oldest – what do I have for the older kids to do so they don’t feel like they’re babysitting mine? How do us grown-ups enjoy the time while dealing with the disagreements that seem to inevitably happen between the kids? Would love it if you would address some of how you/others handle this aspect. Sometimes, as much as I hate it, I almost feel it would be easier to hire a babysitter to watch the kids somewhere else while my husband and I could spend time building relationships with others – but then that’s under false pretenses as well. Argh.
Company.. Ahha! Yep it’s non stop.. The children are grown with children of their own. It’s a constant flow of kids, adults & dogs. Over the years I have entertained often and enjoyed it. But in recent years it seems I don’t have the “What it Takes”. I strive for “Dinner at the Walton’s” and end up with the “Simpson’s”. People seem to love to come to our home, but I find it stressful and tiring. For example: The Plan! 6 guests, the table is dressed perfectly! Adorable dishes, linen napkins, and the candles lit..Guests arrive!..Before the night is over it’s, paper plates, (sticky fingers?) just grab a tea-towel, catch that dog, the candles are out, flowers moved, I’m now serving 22 all talking at once. And our home is full of laughter and love. Humm! The best laid plans!…Memories are made and no one cares if the rolls are burnt. Yes I am, Truly Blessed! But so tired… Let’s have dinner!!
First let me say, our current dishes are a mix of our wedding dishes (purchased 13 years ago) and I have never liked them – they were a compromise…but clearly they have not bothered me that much as I still have them…chips and all. They are slowly breaking and mismatched with some dishes my mom gave me – they coordinate at least. I do break our the china for nice occasions – that means even the kids birthdays. I am not tied to my dishes – they are meant to be used. I have a friend who recently told me “these look like the kind of dishes someone leaves at the potluck and no one claims.” Um, they are not that bad, but I am not trying to prove anything with my dishes.
I am commenting backwards here Sandy…but this is a GREAT series!
I only have one set of dishes – casual, black that my hubby picked out when we registered five and half years ago at Bed, Bath, and Beyond. It was one of our first major disagreements – not registering for fancy dishes. But at this point in life, while I would love to have beautiful dishes (and struggle with being jealous of brides who got them and so much more at their weddings!), I know I need to get over it and just enjoy where I am in life.
I have a beautiful set of dishes from Potterybarn that are so nice that I’m afraid to use them. LOL. We’ve had them 4 yrs and never used them once. Sad, I know. They are a plain white beach theme and we always thought they’d be great for the beach house we want to buy down the road. Everytime I see them in the cupboard I say that I will use them for the next dinner party at our house. I think I’m going to break them in one by one and start eating off them tonight for dinner. I’ll still baby them and wash them by hand but they are for more than decoration so this post made me realize how silly I’ve been. It’s kind of like buying candles that look and smell pretty but they never get used. Life is too short to keep practical, usable items as decoration only.
Suzanne,
While I certainly do not “get your life” as I have never had to deal with what you have 24/7, I wanted you to know that your post touched me in a very special way. I believe that God gives special needs children to people with an incredible capacity for love and patience that most of us will never understand. I struggle with adequate words to communicate my desire to reach out and be your friend. Because I have typed and erased at least 6 times now, I will give you the best that I have. I prayed just now that God will cover you with His grace and that you will have peace and joy as you do what many of us never could. I have suffered the tragedy of losing a child to suicide and so I know that when there is nothing else left there is always God and His faithfulness. I pray your day is blessed in a special way today and that you will sense His presence.
I have my chipped, blue and white, pfaltzgraph dishes in my china cabinet and I love them! I did by some clear glass plates for holiday dinner table accessorizing, but for everything else, it’s blue and white, with chips!
I am a recovering perfectionist of sorts. THe more important thing is people not the stuff!!
Getting together and making a memory is so much more of whta life should be about. I am loving this series :)
In the past I’ve compared my “serving” dishes to other people’s when I go to their houses, but I’ve learned to enjoy what I have (I only have one set of dishes at the moment).
All the women in my family used their good china, crystal, and silver everyday. Therefore, I have always loved a beautiful table and collecting dishes. So I have collected dishes for years and now have over ten sets and many that set 24 guests. Everyone has their different ideas of fun and I really like having them. In addition, I use them so that my daughters will hopefully keep some of the sets and use them with fond memories of growing up. Hey, we all have out hopes! LOL! I can’t wait to get your book!
I have the most beautiful dishes but they are packed away in boxes. You see, we are living in a temporary home and there’s not much space. So I have my white dishes that are similar to yours that we are using everyday now. And do you know? I’ve almost forgotten about all the dishes packed away…
That’s funny, because I’ve never really thought about my chipped plates! :) I have one set of dishes that I LOVE but having three kids and an ancient dishwasher they’ve become chipped to pieces. I never really think about when I set them out even when we have people over.
If I have people who come over and then judge me due to my chipped plates, then I don’t need them over to begin with! :)
I have only one set of dishes… a plain white pfaltzgraff pattern, a few pieces were from my wedding, the rest added to by surplus store and outlet store markdowns that were in my pattern (and a few Corelle white bowls after the kids broke my other ones!) I own three large and 3 small china plates and a matching tea pot my mother gave me as gifts… she gives me a couple pieces at a time. My kids like to get those out for special meals with just the 5 of us. (The two youngest have to eat off the dessert plates! LOL)