Comments on: Dumping Your Christmas To-Do List On Your Family

By: Jill B.

Jill B. — Sat, 03 Dec 2011 21:28:36 +0000

In reply to kathy. I love it! Glad we're cheering each other on, Kathy. Blessings all month.....

By: kathy

kathy — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 15:45:06 +0000

I too am the mother of two teenage boys (well, one just turned 12 in August so not quite a teen yet) and your response resonates with me. I always felt the need to make the holiday perfect because I never had the “perfect” Christmas growing up, so now was the time to make up for all of that, right? Well, my boys have had good Christmases with none of the bad memories I’ve had, so who am I trying to please other than myself?

Anyway, this month is very busy for us and I decided I only wanted to do one special thing, which we will be doing as a family tomorrow. After that, they are free to go camping (yes, camping) the weekend before Christmas and I won’t be upset. I decided that I will enjoy that little bit of freedom that weekend and attend a concert that they probably wouldn’t want to see anyway.
So this year is about trying to find balance in what my family wants to do and what I want to do.
Great post Sandy!

By: Jill B.

Jill B. — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 03:10:52 +0000

Oh, and I’ve just realized one way I’m practicing this already this year…Instead of pushing for my traditional Advent-oriented nightly activities (sponsored by Mom!), I’ve been blessed to watch my husband initiate reading to our sons every night at bedtime from a devotional book that has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas!! Imagine that?! : ) And they’re loving it.

By: Jill B.

Jill B. — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 02:53:28 +0000

Well, you have spoken to my heart, Sandy — not for the first time! These thoughts have lingered with me all day long. I’m really in the middle of a season-change in my life, adjusting to the reality that my children are now teenagers (both boys to boot!), and that my dreamy, driving ambitions for Christmastime are not necessarily what make the season special for all these men in my life.

I think perhaps your post is the first time I have insight to see that my mental list (so like yours) is not the substance of what makes Christmas warm, wonderful, and Christmas-ish. I put so much pressure on myself to make it all memorable and meaningful. I do believe that we as mothers are in large part the “holiday-makers,” but I’m pretty sure I have often ended up cramming it all down their throats and feeling affronted, or at least disappointed, when it didn’t seem to jive with everybody else. (Sounds pretty much like a 5, huh? haha) Today I have a new hope — not to be afraid of letting go of my ideals & expectations, scaling back, letting my family set more of the tone, and honoring the gift of each moment by letting it simply be enough.

Thank you for being a life-giving example to me.

By: Penelope

Penelope — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 14:30:01 +0000

My children are little, so they go for the baking cookies and stuff. What I had to let go was the advent scriptures we were trying to read last night (yes, I know advent started on Sunday and last night was Wed….I’m flexible!) The kids had lingered over dinner and it was just too late for them to be quiet and content. We may have to read the scripture over the table and then light the candles and sing a song for this to work.
My husband is Mr. Christmas so we’ve had 8 Christmases together of me trying to figure out where I fit in his plans…it’s been a struggle. Advent is all me (he’s a believer and likes it, but it isn’t his tradition).
I thought we were doing okay until last night I asked him if perhaps Santa should come while we were away with his family for Christmas and the kids would get to enjoy Santa when we came home. He sort of blew up about me not even considering his family traditions sometimes. And here I thought we’d finally gotten to a good balance. We even talked about a Christmas bucket list together…sigh.
I think this is just a fraught time where all of the issues with being raised in two different families take on a weird sparkley attitude. I also think the Prince of Darkness likes to take our focus off of what the season is really all about, and he’ll use anything (traditions, temper, expectations, weariness, colds, etc.) in his arsonal to do it.
Expectations are dangerous in my house. I think maybe we’ll have it all figured out in Heaven. :)

By: Becky J

Becky J — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 05:41:17 +0000

Oh Sandy..your words have pinched…I struggle with this one..we actually had “the talk”-all five of us..ages 43,43,19,16,12………my anti-socials all said- “eh, no parties” which we did last year…however, I sweet talked them into a craft party, a cookie exchange, a family party and a few small impromptus…well, the first party went well as my boys went hunting and the girls had girlfriends over while we “big gals” crafted…but, yes-they get sucked(aka-forced) into helping with the added projects/cleaning/prep work…so on your scale I admit I may be a 4.5?? EECK!! But, I took to heart a post of yours from a few weeks ago- about avoiding burnout and took your (and my hubby’s) advice and only invited those closest to my heart rather than everyone and their brother to avoid offending someone…and then we PRAYED before the party kicked off- inviting the Holy Spirit to be the guest of honor..Christmas is His after all :)-and every day for that matter :)..and WOW..it was awesome..we laughed and cried and prayed over the hurting ones..thank you for all your insights this Christmastime..Blessings one and all…

By: Dayle

Dayle — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 05:32:39 +0000

It’s just me and The Man now … we’re good and balanced most days. (wink, wink)

By: Jen

Jen — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 02:06:29 +0000

This evening our family came up with a list of things to do for Christmas. The boys (ages 7 & 3) are just so excited about Christmas Day, so doing a little bit of something each day will help us enjoy all season long. This year we’re in the middle of selling our house & moving out by the end of December, so I’m keeping the stress low by opting out of Christmas cards this year. We’ll still take a family photo, because that is a must for us, but we may only share it virtually this year. I may send cards to folks who mail us one, with a personal message, but that’s it.

I never expect my hubby to put up the Christmas decor…I love doing it & he’ll do the laundry for me. It’s a win-win. I guess I rate a “3” on your scale.

-Jen

By: Kristin

Kristin — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 01:06:33 +0000

I’m more concerned about not inheriting things to do from other family member’s to-do list! Our daughter can’t get enough of decorations and complained that our house is “really boring” after my husband spent three hours on the roof! :) We always get our tree and put up the outdoor lights over Thanksgiving weekend and other than that, things happen when they happen! I’m pretty low-key about things but I might be at risk of “slacking”, in some people’s eyes. Luckily, mom parents live down the street and my mom is crazy about decorating, so I have the kids run down there to help. They all love it. :)

By: Elen

Elen — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 20:10:55 +0000

We’ve done the gamut from full-out to full stop. We’re happily somewhere in between at this point in our lives. Each year is different, and the only tradition I cling to is outside lights on the first Sunday in Advent, and I might kick that trad to the curb if a cruise opportunity came my way. My epiphany year was the year Super Techlet was about 12. We were talking about when to roll, cut out and decorate sugar cookies. In the midst of planning she said, “Mom. I HATE making and decorating sugar cookies!” I blinked. Once. Twice. Three times, and laughed. Good to know. I had this on my list because I thought it was an experience she wanted and that I should provide. We had been doing those cookies for a long time. Yep. Kicked. To. The. Curb.

The long and short of it, Sandy, is that this post resonated with me today. Yes, it did. :)