It doesn’t have to be a down-the-line, fifty/fifty give-and-take, but repeatedly acknowledging others without being acknowledged in kind, or at least without being told why you aren’t being acknowledged in kind (place is too small for entertaining, can’t afford to entertain, recently became unemployed and money is too tight for gifts, etc.) only teaches people to continue taking advantage.

Every Christmas, my parents have in-laws who show up completely empty-handed on Christmas Day, at whatever time they feel like, and who spend half their time looking down at and manipulating their iGadgets with one hand while holding out their other hand for gifts.  In fact, the only time they go out of their way to see my parents is if gift-giving is involved.  Neither my parents nor my sister have ever said anything about it, although I know it hurts my mother and frustrates my father.  I have to retreat to another room periodically to shed tears out of frustration or to punch the air because I am so pissed off.

Do they ever cook for my folks?  Give gifts?  Host?  Lift a damn finger to show their appreciation?  Nope. Not ever. I hate them for it.

Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.

Thanks to the downturn we live in the shabbiest house with the tightest income we have ever had. Who cares? Yes, it embarrasses me. We may be able to cook a nice dinner, or if time/health don’t permit we order takeout. But even if it’s chips and beer, the point is fellowship. We invite people over and they always say, “next time, it’s our turn!” and then never follow through. I wouldn’t care otherwise, or even worry about reciprocation, but the half-invite that never comes to pass just feels bad.

Maybe the second part of the spiritual lesson and the right heart is that it’s an opportunity for those who let worry and embarrassment hold them back remember that, and that anyone who seems to be good at hospitality has probably had more practice.

If you don’t return hospitality because you are embarrassed or intimidated, your friend doesn’t know that and only feels the cold shoulder. Isn’t this worth considering?

Angela, there for sure can be pain involved in loving others. It’s happened to me, too. The most important thing for me to learn is to not close my heart toward letting new friends in! Maybe you can get your family involved in helping out so it doesn’t all rest on your shoulders? I think kids should be expected to pitch in … you can make it a family affair! I’m so glad you shared here today!

My biggest hang-up is that the people I become friends with are opposite to my personality. Although we have a few things in common that keep us bonded, our housekeeping and entertaining styles differ. I feel intimidated by a perfect house…although my friends’ houses really are not perfect, I tend to see my home through theirs and feel so inadequate.

I am not OCD…unless company is coming. So then the pressure is on, I become grouchy because I didn’t notice the details I should have before, and my family feels the tension. I resent having all the clean-up because I also handled the shopping, planning, meal prep, cooking, cleaning beforehand. Although I enjoy the fellowship with my friends, the kids need attention from time to time…and it all seems like such a hassle. Ironically, some of our best times of entertaining have been on the fly…

I’ve resorted to having coffee with a friend at a local bistro once a month to get away from the house. Because I homeschool five kids, one graduating this year, I often feel boxed in. Most of my friends homeschool and have their hands full as well…it seems we are entertaining less than ever now. Reciprocation is hoped for but not necessarily expected ;) There’s an understanding that when we are able and it works out for our schedules, we will try to make it happen.

Your quest to encourage us to entertain is not in vain. I personally need that encouragement because I truly feel it is necessary for our families…we just need some help making it happen. Thank you. Your new format is impressive and easy to navigate. I appreciate your efforts to encourage moms like me :)

So true about the simple meals, Becky. I have found that to be so true, also. Thanks for sharing, friend! So geat to meet you last weekend.

Ha! Thanks, Lisa. You shared many truths in your comment. I think the base fear for people reciprocating is not being good enough, or their house, or cooking. I’m talking generally, not to the people who are in a tough season of life. Fears hold so many back … You’re like me … it’s not going to hold me back from hosting! Thanks for sharing!

Patricia, I’m writing a post about this subject, soon. Your comment fits right in. I like what you said, ‘their friend base is very small.’ We’ve seen that, too! Thanks for sharing!

I agree, it’s all about understanding and not keeping score. We, too, have many guests who always bring something with them! So nice!