Comments on: A Cry for Help–I Don’t Want to Entertain Over the Holidays

By: Greta

Greta — Sat, 17 Dec 2022 01:09:11 +0000

I am at the age that if I can just get it together for my immediate family, I have really accomplished something. The other family members have many places to be and quite frankly, probably don’t give a hoot whether they come to my humble Christmas or not. All that fuss year after year, and now I am done. I had a good time hosting. I don’t regret it. I just can’t do it anymore.

By: Sandy

Sandy — Mon, 24 Feb 2020 18:52:15 +0000

In reply to Sue. Reciprocation is a tough one! I always ask people to bring a specific item or dish to every dinner we host!

By: Sue

Sue — Wed, 19 Feb 2020 12:44:03 +0000

I totally understand. When you are the one who ALWAYS has to host, pay for, and clean up before and after, that is NOT FUN FOR ME. I think guests (family or non family) should be able to realize that they should play a part in hosting. If they cannot host, they should pay towards the food–and should realize that the food is EXPENSIVE. A small side dish that maybe the host didn’t even need or want is NOT helpful. Contribute toward the main course AND bring a dish the host ASKS for if you can’t host the meal next time.

By: Mrs H.

Mrs H. — Fri, 30 Nov 2018 17:02:36 +0000

Like others i needed to hear this too… this hit on many of the emotions that i’ve felt AND felt guilty while dreading such of these gatherings. Bottom Line: I think i’ll always feel like i’m the ‘CHOSEN’ to ‘wo-man up’ & will always feel happy to just get through it the best way that i know how. Still Its comforting to know i’m NOT alone!

By: BECKY

BECKY — Mon, 16 Dec 2013 17:43:03 +0000

first, i’ll say that i come from the view of the non-entertainer. i don’t enjoy hosting and rarely have people over. my core group of friends consists of 9 ladies and we have had an annual girls sleepover for the past few years. recently, people have been puching for me to host the events, eventhough others are the “party planners” and voulnteer readily to host. i just don’t understand the thought of people inviting others to someone else’s home.
my suggestion to this letter is if you don’t want to host, then don’t host. it’s a s simple as that.

By: Cynthia Coffey

Cynthia Coffey — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 02:32:08 +0000

WOW, I needed this! I needed to hear that I wasn’t the only one struggling with a lack of reciprocity among my friends. I entertain alot, and enjoy it. Yet I honestly can not remember the last time someone had us over to THEIR house to eat THEIR food. Seriously. Can’t remember. I was wondering about the A list thing too, as we don’t have one. I invite everyone!
I think people don’t entertain like they used to, though they’re happy to only receive and never give. My solution has been to only entertain when I truly want to and am happy about it.

By: Mimi

Mimi — Thu, 17 Nov 2011 18:00:08 +0000

Wow! This post was excellent! I too have felt the same, especially over the last year.

We were entertaining a small group (rotating friends) at least twice a month and larger groups about every other month. My kids were hosting movie parties every week in the summer. I loved it and our house was always full. I love opening my home. I love feeding people. I love getting together with friends. If you are sick or just had a baby, I’m there to drop off a meal. But eventually you do start to feel worn down and feelings do start to get hurt when you are the only ones ever inviting.

I’m not saying I want an invite every time I open my home but it would be nice if an invitation was extended every once in awhile. Some have commented that their friends weren’t opening their homes at all. But it does hurt when you know your friends are inviting others (and each other) into their homes and it is never extended to you. It’s funny. Sometimes my friends will even come up to me and say ” Hey you haven’t had us over in awhile, when are you going to invite us over for dinner?” I always want to say ” Well, since you’ve been to my house the last 12 times, maybe it’s your turn.”

This is a constant battle that goes on in my heart. I know I have been called by God to exercise the gift of hospitality but that doesn’t mean that it is easy. One night I had been up battling my feelings all night. Not just for me but the hurt my kids have felt with the same issue of always being the ones to host and hardly ever being invited back. After a long night of prayer and crying i was getting ready for my day when all of the sudden my phone started blowing up with texts. Our friends (who happen to be one of the families that does reciprocate) had been reading in Proverbs 22 about a generous man, and decided to thank me for always showing hospitality to others. It warmed my heart, made me cry even more and encouraged me so much.

I have stepped back a little. We still open our home, just not as often and I still take meals over but we mostly spend time with the people who give back. I do miss the constant vibe of people in the home. But if you are only making with-drawls and no deposits are made eventually you have nothing.

By: Caroline

Caroline — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 00:15:14 +0000

That letter hit on a lot of things my husband and I have been feeling lately. We do tons of entertaining and we love it, but it is hard that we very rarely get invited to anyone else’s home. As a military spouse, my husband is gone about half of the time, and it gets difficult when the only time I eat with anyone other than my two young children while he is gone is if I invite people over and do it all myself.
However, I was so encouraged reading through all of these comments. It’s not about me, it’s about what the Lord can do through me in the lives of those around me. Having expectations of getting anything in return just leads to disappointment because I’m focusing on myself and not on the One worthy of my focus.

By: Camille

Camille — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 21:35:12 +0000

My husband has a long time friend we invited to dinner. He was a work friend so hubby went all out with the best wine, best bakery bread, fresh lobster. The couple came, had a great time, so when they said they would host us in a few weeks, hubby took them seriously. Of course, surprise, surprise, no invitation ever came. Now it is time for their annual holiday party and he does not only not want to go, but states he does not consider them the “great friends” he thought they were. I almost feel guilty for putting us out there like that and the results were that he doesn’t feel the same about this guy and his wife anymore.
While I find most invitations I receive are of the “pocketbook, Pampered Chef, Tupperware party” variety, I try to remember that line about entertaining angels unaware.

By: Arlene

Arlene — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 19:49:34 +0000

Hi Sandy,

I totally understand your feelings about being the only one to offer to entertain. MY Mom for years has always hosting/entertaining in her home. When I was a little girl, I remembered my Mother and Father always having company over- Drinks flowing, food and card game playing. We always peaked our heads out of the room to see all of the excitment! Well, now my Mom – a widow still likes entertaining; although with some ailments, still likes to cook for her family and friends. For years she’s invited, aside from her immediate family ; cousins, aunts, uncles, neices and nephews, but out of all these people, no-one has offered- except her own children to host or invite her to their homes. Of course, you know how it is; nobody wants to cook or host they just want to be invited- I think it’s a bit selfish. It’s like a catchers mitt; always catching but there’s no thowing back.