Comments on: Naughty or Nice Awkward Party Invite

By: Sandy

Sandy — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 21:35:09 +0000

In reply to Chris @ Celebrations At Home. Thanks for your advice, Chris. :)

By: Sandy

Sandy — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 21:32:03 +0000

In reply to Kate. Glad to see how so much has resolved already ... encouraging! Thanks for sharing Kate so others can see. :)

By: Chris @ Celebrations At Home

Chris @ Celebrations At Home — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 21:27:19 +0000

VERY interesting conversation. I love the term “intentional” as it pertains to hosting. I am in fact an intentional hostess however I never thought of phrasing it that way. I believe the guests/guest list is the KEY factor in entertaining and the addition (or elimination) of unexpected guests can absolutely change the dynamic of the evening.
With that said, the larger the party, the easier it is to work in extras. For a more intimate gathering such as the one mentioned, I wouldn’t be afraid to put my foot down.

By: Cindy W.

Cindy W. — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 20:12:13 +0000

In reply to Kate. Kate, I'm happy to hear that Your Holiday is going to be rescued. I really hope that your son-in-law is just so proud of what a WONDERFUL Host and Hostess You and Your Hubby are that he wants to show off Your talents :) Have a WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS and Many Good Wishes for the NEW YEAR !

By: Sandy

Sandy — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 19:54:21 +0000

In reply to Kate.

Hi, Kate. Sorry just getting to this … yesterday was a day of silence for many in blog-land. I agree with Cindy … it would be nice if you could reclaim the holidays and make them what you want them to be. Part of that is standing up to your son-in-law and saying NO. I always recommend the book, Boundaries, if you haven’t read it. It’s a game-changer for sure. The other thing I’ve learned is that just because it’s a tradition, you don’t always have to do it. It’s okay to stop one, and start a new one. Maybe you and your husband could come up with a totally different way of celebrating (next year?). You could be firm with your plans, and let them know of course, that they are invited to join your celebration. Holidays can be so tough … I’ll be praying for you for a smooth transition and that your heart will be full of JOY! Email me any time … :)

By: Kate

Kate — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 19:22:44 +0000

Cindy, Thanks for the advice! I think my daughter can read my mind. She told me yesterday she didn’t think it appropriate that her husband invited other people to our holiday celebration, so she asked me if I wanted them uninvited. I said no, as I don’t want to seem like I’m a scrooge, but I told my daughter I was sticking to my menu, and they or their friends could bring some dishes for their friends to eat. I also suggested if they didn’t want to do that, they could join us for dessert after the main meal. My daughter also offered to pay for all the seafood, which is the main cost, and which I gratefully took her up on. Still doesn’t address my son in law’s insensitivity, but I have decided to deal with that after the holidays, when emotions are not running high, and hurt feelings won’t ruin Christmas Eve or day.Thanks for yor response! It falls into what I was thinking, but its good to be validated that the way I felt about it was not off the wall. Hope you have a wonderfulholiday season.

By: Cindy W.

Cindy W. — Tue, 18 Dec 2012 18:38:53 +0000

In reply to Kate. Kate, why does your Daughter let her Husband impose on You in this way ? ? If my Husband tried to do this to my Mom I'd tell HIM to stay home. Perhaps You could explain that the Christmas Eve meal is quite expensive and is really something special for the people You love. I believe You should stick to Your guns and host Christmas Eve at Your home with Your menu and tell Your son-in-law that if he wants to invite other people maybe he should host his OWN party. By the way, Your Christmas Eve celebration sounds MAGNIFICENT ! !

By: Kate

Kate — Mon, 17 Dec 2012 17:35:55 +0000

Hi thanks for the great advice – I’ve had a number of situations like this this year, and most of the them include my son in law. His mother died seveal years ago, and since then I have cooked for every Thanksgiving and Xmas for the whole family. I don’t mind this, in fact quire enjoyed it until my son in law started inviting exta people at the last minute, changing the venue to his house since our house could not accomodate all the extra people, and expected me to cook all the food and BRING it to their house. I’ve tried to be gracious about it, but finally hit my limit when I found out he has invited another couple with children to our Christmas Eve celebration. At his house. We traditiionally cook a seafood dinner, in fact have done so as a tradition for over 20 years. This couple does not like seafood. I’m really upset about this, and I just don’t know how to handle it. On top of all this my husband and I are retired and have a small income. We actually foot the bill for everything, and don’t get much help from anyone in terms of expense, or clean up. I don’t want to spoil Xmas Eve for anyone, but I am feeling really abused and taken advantage of. What advice would you give me on how to handle this situation?

By: Pammie

Pammie — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 15:44:19 +0000

In reply to Sandy. Sandy, thank you ! Fact is, since I started reading your blog a few years ago and using your book, I've become a fantastic reluctant entertainer - and that has helped this particular situation quite a bit ! I so appreciate your advice.

By: Sandy

Sandy — Sun, 16 Dec 2012 15:11:58 +0000

In reply to Pammie.

Pammie, two things come to mind. First, some families just have more in common than others, which may be why they plan the event together. I doubt you are an after-thought … it’s actually nice that they invite you. BUT, on the other hand, it’s not a good feeling if the 2 families are “cliquish,” … if that is the case, then saying no might be best.

One thing I’ve learned about relationships is to not let resentment settle in your heart. Boundaries are good, like saying no–that you have other plans–but make sure you move on, make those plans, invite people over, get over any yucky feelings, and ENJOY your family and friends. :)

I wish you were our neighbor! :)