Hospitality without Reciprocation
Keeping it short here on RE today, friends, because I’m working on my blog (behind the scenes) for a new look! Here’s a sneak peek of my new logo – and tag line. Feast on Life.
New blog design.
I can’t wait to share more – soon! There will be a much easier navagation for finding recipes. Yay.
Touchy hospitality subject.
Here’s a touchy subject to talk about, that I think many of us can relate to.
A person recently shared with me that they entertain quite a bit, but the love is never returned to them.
Which means, reciprocation doesn’t happen, or at least very often.
She told me:
Our problem is that nobody ever wants to return the favor!
Ouch!
Of course resentment kills generosity, if you end up in that place …
Heart check.
We just have to enter into hospitality with the right heart and attitude. We are doing it out of love, generosity, and to get to know people better … It’s not really about us, at all, and it’s really a check that we need to keep in balance. If my mind goes there, I stop myself. I think we’d be better off just canceling a dinner party if we have a poor attitude.
There’s something beautiful about opening your home to others. It’s a lovely, rare moment, that you may never feel or experience again.
It is a gift!
I’d love to hear your tips on keeping a right heart, when you’ve been hurt in this way?
Hello and welcome to my home and table!
I’m Sandy—lover of food, family, cooking, THE BIG BOARD, travel, and bringing people together. Through great recipes and connection around the table, we become better, stronger, and more courageous people. Feasting on Life is real, and every time we do it, we grow a little more. Read more...
I am one of those people that haven’t reciprocated when it comes to entertaining. I love to cook, bake, and I used to love to entertain. We moved to a place that needs work, and I am uncomfortable with inviting people here. We have invited friends to restaurants, but that’s not the same. My husband’s hours have been cut, and I don’t know when we will be able to afford to have people. Sometimes there are other reasons for not reciprocating. I do always feel bad about it though..
I’ve written about this subject for 7 years on RE, Marcia, and for sure there are seasons in life! No need to feel bad about it. I have been there several times, too, as most people have. I hope things look up for you, really soon! Thank you for sharing!
Since moving to a much smaller place, I don’t do as much entertaining. There’s just not much room for too many people. But when I do, I always try to invite the people I love and have no expectations.
I just want to say Sandy, that I’m loving your new look. :)
Blessings and love,
Debbie
Thanks, Debbie! Smaller is good, and having no expectations in return is a perfect attitude! :)
I agree with the posts that say it’s fun to have people over. People who don’t reciprocate the invitation to eat at their place are usually generous with a special bottle of wine or a dessert and flowers. One couple we know is very uncomfortable having people, even family over since she has anxiety issues. We understand that, enjoy their company, so they are always welcome here.
I agree, it’s all about understanding and not keeping score. We, too, have many guests who always bring something with them! So nice!
My parents always did the “we had them over, now it’s their turn” – their friend base is very small because of it, and it made them kind of bitter. I hate that. I love having people over, so I have people over – I don’t care if they invite us or not. So long as we get to spend time together, it makes me happy. We all have busy lives, so I try my best to have people over every month or so.
Patricia, I’m writing a post about this subject, soon. Your comment fits right in. I like what you said, ‘their friend base is very small.’ We’ve seen that, too! Thanks for sharing!
Guess I may be the only one to sympathize! I entertain bc I love my friends and the invigoration of having new people over. And I have no expectation that those friends having real financial or personal difficulties will be reciprocating any time soon. And I don’t consider entertaining to be a transactional, one for one, tit for tat obligation. HOWEvER, being a good guest also means being a thankful host and there are actually very few reasons not to give back on occasion. Heck, I entertained when I was a cash strapped university student scraping $20 together to have friends over (pasta al I olio, salad and a couple bottles of white, anyone?). Or a few chunks of cheese and crackers? Nachos and beer? I still have lots of friends who entertain like this bc it’s fun and about getting together, not copping out bc you are worried you won’t impress. So yeah, I consider the failure to host – in any way, shape or form – to be abit of a character flaw. But I love ya, and it’s not gonna stop me from having you over. Don’t expect me to not roll my eyes now and again though :)
Ha! Thanks, Lisa. You shared many truths in your comment. I think the base fear for people reciprocating is not being good enough, or their house, or cooking. I’m talking generally, not to the people who are in a tough season of life. Fears hold so many back … You’re like me … it’s not going to hold me back from hosting! Thanks for sharing!
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We entertain, or should, because we are opening our hearts and homes to others out of love. I just want my friends to be able to put their feet on my couch- a glass of wine in their hands- and food to nourish their body and soul. That is what we should do without the want of having it returned.
Well said, my friend. Thank you! I couldn’t agree more!
My husband is a minister and we entertain church members a lot. People rarely reciprocate. It is the joy of coming up with a menu, setting the table, and then seeing people happy with the atmosphere and community we have put together that makes it worth while. Sometimes I wish we got more invitations, just so I could see how other people entertain. That is actually one of the reasons I started following your blog…party creeper that I am :-)
I think it’s natural to want to be invited, so I’m so glad you were honest about that Colleen. But I love your attitude … joy, menu, setting the table, seeing people happy, community. That is why I love to entertain!
Sandy, I’m SO excited and anxious to see your new design! Love the sneak peek. VERY true post…. I’ve learned that some folks just aren’t able to host…. it’s not personal, it’s just not their gifting. Or they are in a season of life that’s laced with reasons why they can’t host. Keeping our hearts clean and focused on love is key.
Perfectly said! And yes! Excited to see your new design and blog!
Thank you, Kelly!
I agree, Kim. Most of the time it’s not personal and it has to do with fears and gifts. Hearts clean and focused on love is the perfect attitude to have!
I love to entertain, but reciprocate very little. I am a darn good cook, and a fantastic baker, but we have experienced a lot of set-backs set in motion by the recession. We lost our house, our business, etc. We are slowly re-building, but are nowhere near complete. And so now we have a little house that we’re renting, and it’s shabby and our furniture is shabby and I just feel so inadequate. I know that our friends love us for us, but it’s really, really hard to put all that stuff aside and humble myself. We do have a few people over regularly, but I am extremely hesitant to widen that circle.
Understandable, Cathie. We all go through seasons of life. My husband and I lost 3 parents in a few-year period and it was really hard to widen the circle during that time. We were both in pain. Thank you for your honesty and I’m sure your friends understand, too! This season will pass! :)