How to Include a Friend With Special Needs Around Your Dinner Table
A night in our backyard, last summer, went like this.
Beautiful friends came for dinner and we sat outside under the summer stars. I say “stars,” because if it weren’t for the candles on the table, we would have been in the dark. Yes, we forgot to fill our tiki torches, which usually give the perfect lighted glow to the backyard.
For some, hospitality may require a certain “look.” But after 20 years of having people into my home, I know true hospitality requires flexibility, grace, love, and even inviting “different” people in. On this night our friends brought their “special needs” son, and having him there really added a special glow to the table, because we all adore him greatly.
He sat at the table with us.
We asked him to pray for our meal.
We made sure to include him in the conversation.
We allowed him to interrupt us, even when we were speaking of very important things.
We honored him as our guest, and at the end of the night, we even asked him to sing and play some music with us. We sang, he played the piano, Abby played her violin and he also played along on the guitar.
The night was priceless.
My very good friend in my teens and early twenties, Kelly, had a special needs brother whom I adored. He was so loving, and I learned to love him back. It was a great experience in my life as a young adult. I learned a lot by watching the way Kelly and her family treated their son and brother.
Here’s one of the side dishes I served, fresh from our garden, Sweet Potato Black Bean Hash. Yum!
Many people don’t know how to react to someone who is “different,” whatever the reason, but the best way is to treat them with the same dignity and respect that we all hope–and deserve–to receive.
I’m so glad we included our friend with Down’s Syndrome at our table.
He’s charming, loving, trusting and very free-spirited. He’s very special to many.
When’s the last time you opened your home to someone who’s “different?”
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Recipe: Sweet Potato and Black Bean Hash {ReluctantEntertainer.com}
Summary: A scoop of heavenly sweet potatoes that will make your taste buds sing! This dish compliments any dinner party, heated as a side dish, or served cold as a salad.
Ingredients
- 1-2 T. olive oil
- 2 medium onions, chopped
- 2 large garlic cloves, minced
- 1 jalapeno pepper, seeded and minced
- 4 teaspoons ground cumin
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1/4 cup water
- 3 medium sweet potatoes, baked, peeled, and mashed into chunks (to save time, bake the night before and cool on the counter)
- 1 jar Trader’s Joe’s Corn Chili
- 1 (15 ounce) can black beans, rinsed
- 2 tablespoons fresh cilantro, chopped
- fresh ground pepper, to taste
- 1 lime, cut into wedge
Instructions
- Heat oil in a large skillet over medium-high heat.
- Add onions and sauté until browned, 3 to 5 minutes.
- Stir in garlic, jalapeño, cumin and salt; sauté until fragrant, about 30 seconds.
- Add water and cook, scraping up any browned bits, until liquid is absorbed, 2-3 minutes.
- Stir in mashed sweet potatoes.
- Stir in corn and black beans and cook until heated through.
- Stir in cilantro and season with salt and pepper.
- Garnish with a slice of lime.
Preparation time: 10 minute(s)
Cooking time: 25 minute(s)
Number of servings (yield): 6
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Hello and welcome to my home and table!
I’m Sandy—lover of food, family, cooking, THE BIG BOARD, travel, and bringing people together. Through great recipes and connection around the table, we become better, stronger, and more courageous people. Feasting on Life is real, and every time we do it, we grow a little more. Read more...
When I was growing up we always included my parents’ blind friend in our celebrations and often invited him over for dinner. He was really fun and had a great sense of humor so he was always laughing and good-natured about things. He taught me a lot about not taking yourself too seriously and accepting life as it comes. :)
Thanks so much for sharing this recipe! It’s perfect for game day!
Thank you for this post. I opened my life (we were between homes at the time) to someone with special needs when I had my son 14 yrs ago. He has Spina Bifida.
I hesitate to open our home to his teammates (he plays wheelchair basketball and sled hockey) because our home is not accessible (my son is able to walk) and his teammates typically use wheelchairs for mobility. We’re able to carry a single teammate and his chair into our home and be together on the main floor, but it’s harder to have a team party in our home so we don’t do it. Easier to have the party at the gym after a practice.
The best solution to a team party is what I’m seeing with his new sled hockey team: the post-tournament party in the hotel breakfast area. [As an aside, most disabled sports teams have to travel to find another disabled sports team to compete against, so tournaments are a great opportunity for multiple games against multiple teams with one travel obligation.] The team mom for hockey provides the entree and a few sides, asks other families to provide drinks and dessert, and we all rendezvous in the breakfast area of the hotel in the evening. The hotels have so far been happy to oblige, the area is accessible and we can move chairs out of the way to make room for the wheelchairs. The parents can enjoy adult beverages together, the kids love hanging out, and it’s great fellowship for the team. Over the weekend at a sled hockey tournament in Columbus, Ohio we enjoyed 2 types of tortellini and corkscrew pasta with marinara and alfredo sauces, meatballs, Caesar salad and bread (I brought double chocolate cherry oatmeal cookies)–this worked for folks on many types of diets. I’m taking this idea and sharing it with my son’s basketball team for future tournaments.
Well, I sure didn’t intend to go this far with my reply!
Thanks!
I’m behind on my blog reading…love this post. My brother Ned has Downs Syndrome and he has always been included in our big (and small) events, as well as those of our friends. He’s the chief #1 blesser of every meal.
I get to include a Down Syndrome child every day! My daughter has Down Syndrome and is a joy, most of the time. She is like a regular child that has her moments and teaching moments. Thanks for including something like this in your postings!
Reading this touched a very special and personal place in my heart! Thank you!
Great post. Sometimes, family members of those with special needs could use a break, but often they need their loved one embraced and included. Welcoming everyone and accommodating everyone’s need to our best ability is the essence of hospitality–a hand extended in love.
A beautiful evening with friends is priceless and being able to accommodate someone with special needs makes it even more important. Lovely menu too.
Our eleven year old son has Down syndrome. Thank you for posting about this topic! They need friends and to be treated lovingly and respectably just as much as everyone else does :).
Great post, Sandy!
My nephew has Down Syndrome. Having him here in our home is a pleasure! He’s such a beautiful spirit–he adds so much joy and grace wherever he goes. :)
I was thinking how great this was. We have friends with special dietary restrictions and I always love getting to cook for them. I know it’s not easy and a lot of people shy away from it, so it’s a fun challenge. I was trying to think of who else I could include when I read the last bit. Hello– our dearest friends’ daughter is Down Syndrome! It doesn’t even hit me that she’s special needs. She’s just Claire, a busy three year old, to us. And I’m so glad that’s the way it is.
Beautiful!!
One of my best friends growing up has a brother with Downs Syndrome. He was awesome. For years I helped volunteer at the Special Olympics in Olympia and just loved it. Often I see people who other view as “different” as more normal than the rest of us..they have no insecurities, they are totally transparent and honest and just love life. we also have a young girl in our church with Down’s syndrome and everyone just loves her.
We miss out when we don’t allow ourselves to love and know and relate to those with special needs!
Your recipe sounds absolutely amazing!
Not different in the ways mentioned but I had someone come with a friend and the friend was vegan. I did everything I could without notice to make sure there was something for her to eat but let me tell you it was hard; particularly when unprepared. I made some pasta with veggies and had fruit for her for dessert but I think she was the one who was in need of being reminding about managing situations with grace! She touted her lifestyle to the point of trying to make all of us feel guilty…even about having honey on dessert. She did make me uncomfortable but the most uncomfortable was my friend who brought her. I think she is still apologizing!
Thank you for a great reminder, Sandy!
My oldest child has Autism…so, I do this daily. Food is one of his biggest issues, so it can make for a hectic dinnertime. Regardless, it’s just not the same when he’s not home.
Aw, I love this Sandy! I’m sure he felt right at home. And yep, that hash needs to enter my face right now.
My adult daughter has MS and is sometimes confined to a wheelchair. Not exactly Special Needs in the way you mention but her needs are special in a different way. Setting the table to accomodate a wheelchair, not eating outside if the patio surface isn’t smooth enough to get around on. Making resturaunt reservations ahead so they can save a table she can get to. Of course we are quite used to it but I still find it amazing how people will stare when we are out in public together.
Darla
This is a great (and helpful) post-something you don’t always think about. That recipe for Hash looks awesome