Traditions: When is it Time to Change?
I’ve been reading articles and stories about how other women minimize the stress of the holidays. Even television shows hit on this, sharing simple timesaving tips and ideas. Wrapped up in all of the hub-bub of the holidays, yet trying to keep things simple, I’ve find one hitch as to why we women get hung up: Too much tradition.
Tradition is a beautiful thing if it doesn’t overwhelm you. But with traditions come a lot of expectations. And with failed expectations come a lot of stress and guilt.
Whenever you feel the “We have to do it this way because we always have” syndrome, stop and re-evaluate and ask yourself this question: “When is it okay for me to change the course of this tradition, or even stop it?”
The last 3 years for Thanksgiving we went away and enjoyed a quiet, intimate Thanksgiving with just our family. It was relaxing and rejuvenating.
This year, with our son home for the holiday, we chose to stay home and invite others in. It was one of our best Thanksgivings ever, I must say.
One thing I’ve learned is that I don’t want to be rigid and make my family suffer during the holidays for traditions that are only important to me but not really valued by them.
I came up with these simple guidelines that work for our family:
1. Think of a new “twist” that you can put on your tradition.2. If the old way is not working, but it’s important to you to not lose it, be open to change!
3. Be flexible and even ask your family for their ideas.
As your kids grow and change, so will the needs of the family.
When I found a great deal on a “fake” Christmas tree, I made sure the whole family was okay with the notion of giving up our traditional “going to the lot in the rain” experience, and dragging a soggy tree into the house. We all agreed it was a “go” as long as the tree looked real!
How does the tradition affect my whole family?
I’ve always loved to Christmas carol, but with the ages of my kids right now, they do not value it as I do. We’ve always tried to cram it in, a few days before Christmas, when everyone is stressed and tired. I’ve given up on that tradition, at least for now. We can always resume in the future if we want to.
“We have to do it because it’s what I did as a kid!”
I’ve told my kids that over and over when it comes to making rolled-out frosted cookies. But come to find out, those sugary cookies make my family feel sick! The last 2 years I did very little holiday baking. It was good to let the “idea” of “having to do it” go, and actually live a little healthier! We did make our yummy Toffee Candy though.
How can you simplify the tradition?
Do you feel like you have to do it all by yourself? Ask the family for help, change it up and have your guests bring half of the meal. Let your friends or family help you out in the kitchen. Simplify the process of cooking, entertaining, gift-wrapping, decorating … you name it!
Be open to changing your tradition of giving at Christmas time.
We all know that giving is more important than receiving. Getting our minds off of ourselves is the key. Every year is different with our finances and what we can give, but our family still talks about the one year we decided to anonymously bless a needy family instead of giving to an organization. The father of this family was blind, so that was very impacting to our children at the time.
The gift of time is also precious!
One year we delivered gifts to “Project Angel Tree” families. We have to be open to where the Spirit leads us and open to new ideas.
Should traditions be a burden or a pure joy? Is it something we have to do, or want to do? Is it something that adds to our faith and family life or destracts from it? Maybe it’s time to re-evaluate. I’m open to change this year. How about you?
What traditions are weighing you down, or stealing your joy? And are you flexible when it comes to change?
(Photos from last week on Thanksgiving Day.)
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I’m Sandy—lover of food, family, cooking, THE BIG BOARD, travel, and bringing people together. Through great recipes and connection around the table, we become better, stronger, and more courageous people. Feasting on Life is real, and every time we do it, we grow a little more. Read more...
All traditions had to start somewhere, yeah?
Happy Holidays!
We are having a simple Christmas Eve this year…no big dinner with many courses and a tableful of desserts. I asked the kids what they wanted and was surprised by their request – a very simple dinner and dessert that leave plenty of time for me to relax and enjoy the day also. I will still bake for the church’s Cookie Walk but will only make a few quick breads for the family to enjoy. We have also cut back on decorating every room of the house to achieve the “perfect home” captured only in the movies and in magazines. There will be more decoration boxes staying in the basement then come upstairs. Everyone seems fine with this plan and I can’t wait to see how it works out!
Great post! My husband and I worked hard to include traditions from both of our families as we created our own traditions with our girls. Now that they are 21 and 18, we, too, have let go of some of those traditions. The funny thing is, I’m the one that’s most open to changing or letting go of them.
This year we will have to adjust our traditional Christmas Eve fare, as my oldest daughter has become a vegetarian. I’m looking forward to the challenge of adjusting/creating a new tradition that will fit in with the old.
Happy Holidays!
Hi Sandy, I’ve just come across your blog and love it. I’ve really enjoyed spending some time reading your wonderful advice & reading all these great comments and interaction. I look forward to getting to read more and connecting through the blogosphere :)
Cheers Chef Anna
Awesome Post Sandy!!! I was hit with the “tradition” thing shortly after we were married. My family always had certain traditions that we kept and I just always thought we’d do the same things especially when it came to spending time with family. We finally realized as our family grew that we needed to do what was best for us. Not so much has changed as far as TG goes. Sometimes my MIL and I will swap who hosts. We stick with much of the same traditional foods but honestly I’ve lost the taste for the traditional desserts. Christmas is where many of the changes happened
Here are a few things we’ve changed.
On Christmas Eve my mom always made Oyster stew, clams, scallops and deep fried veggies. Hubby didn’t care for Oyster stew and I was only good with one helping. I began making Clam Chowder on Christmas Eve in sourdough bread bowls. We’d eat and then drive around looking at Christmas lights.
On Christmas morning I make homemade cinnamon rolls (this is something everyone looks forward too especially my FIL…along with the clam chowder so I don’t think those will go away anytime soon)
We gave up feeling pressured to “HAVE” to spend the holidays with both sides of the family (and since my mom passed away I can’t seem to get my side together unless I go there), or even celebrating on the actual holiday (our families lived a few hours away for several years). When our girls were little we wanted them to enjoy Christmas morning at our own house. Sometimes we strayed from that, but not often.
Sometimes I bake and sometimes I don’t. I gave up on the “I have to” bake all the things my mom used to make. I’ve found some new fun recipes and kept some of the old ones.
We let our girls open one present on Christmas Eve from a grandparent.
I’m a strong believer in creating your own memories and deciding which old ones to keep. There are so many awesome ideas out there!!
One year we decided not to do a turkey and I made chicken cordon bleu.
We also decided that we just didn’t need to feel like anyone “had to” buy gifts for everyone. We draw names, and if for some reason someone can’t buy for people we just don’t buy gifts for other family members. Holy smokes….that can get expensive. I listen to what some people do and I think “if we did that, we wouldn’t be able to buy gifts for our own kids”.
I found a recipe last year in an eating well magazine for a “better for you”, less processed version of the green bean casserole. It was really good! I think it would take a few times before people got used to it, but everyone liked it. Go to their site and type in Green bean casserole, it should come up.
Although we have tradtions for holidays in our family, we try to be flexible. With everyone working and not everyone having the holiday off. We try to accomodate everyone but you cannot always do that. But with both of our parents getting older, it just makes sense to have our dinner earlier, around 1 pm, so the parents can come out, have dinner, have some time for visiting and then get back on the road to their respective homes before it gets dark. We live in an area freezes quite frequently, so we try to make sure that our guests have time to get home before night fall. And for Christmas, since our kids have married, and we have always celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve, we have just set aside that evening for our family get together. And if it gets to late both of the guest rooms are made up and there is plenty of sleeping space in the house so they can just stay over and leave the next day. We make no plans for Christmas day, in fact last year for the first time EVER , Sherrie and I went to the movies on Christmas day. I have to say it felt weird and we both said that we will NOT be doing that again… so traditions yes, being flexible yes, and enjoying family yes. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!!!!
Blessings to you and yours
Curtis & Sherrie
What a super post! I’ve given a few ‘traditions’ away as well and the funny thing is, they really arent’ missed. Of course, I’ve held on to the ones that are important, but otherwise, the time I spend with my family is so much more enjoyable as I am not nearly as stressed as in the past.
Great post as always — LOVE your blog!
Thank you so much for this well-written, helpful post. As a fairly newly-married person, I’m finding it overwhelming each year to hold on to old traditions and create new ones. My sweet mother-in-law wants to badly for everything to be “the same,” which I admire, but find difficult since we love far from them. The holidays might be so much more pleasant if some traditions were kept, but some new, more appropriate traditions were made with adult children in mind.
This is a great post. I struggle with this a lot because I am the only sibling married with a family. Our family still tries to hold onto those traditions and I feel bad for not being there for some of them, but I am busy making my own traditions!