Day 27. The Conversation: Sweet and Savory!
Conversation is important when entertaining. The other night we hosted a dinner party and my husband and I planned ahead the discussions that we would have around the table. We put love and thought into our guests, wanting to include everyone.
A reader recently asked:
Could you share your thoughts on dinner party conversation…how to set the mood, how to include everyone, some ice-breakers perhaps, how to make everyone feel relaxed…what to do when there is a silence.. :) Especially with people whom you are not very close.
I have a whole chapter in my book, The Reluctant Entertainer, that explores conversation and answers most of these questions. Of almost 20 years of entertaining, I have learned the benefits of thinking about our “words” and the pitfalls of not being aware or taking charge of the direction of the conversation.
Eating and drinking and sharing our lives with one another are intimate acts. It’s very hard to have conversation and share a meal with someone that you are at odds with, which could be a whole other blog post. (Or two blog posts. Or maybe three).
One thing that is important with conversation, especially when you are entertaining several couples or even a large crowd, is to make everyone feel special and to include everyone at the table. That is why we use “conversation starters” with our dinner parties.
Here’s a fun question to try around your table: What’s your middle name and how did you get it?
We have been blessed with many friendships over the years. And I can say that most of these friendships were forged and fostered around our dining table.
It’s what we call fellowship and it’s rich and sweet.
Do you struggle with conversation or does it come easily to you?
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I think it is a fabulous idea to have set ice-breaker questions thought up ahead of time. I personally don’t struggle to start a conversation (been blessed with the “gift of gab” to a fault my family would say), but I think having specific questions would put everyone at ease and on equal footing. I am thoroughly enjoying your book. I had purchased a couple extra for friends, and both have commented how much they too have enjoyed reading it as well. We even got an invite from one for a night out soon!!
One conversation starter I like to use is to ask people what radio stations are on the preset buttons in their cars. The answer not only reveals the kind of music they like but often alot about the guests themselves.
I always sit at the foot of the table, and my husband at the head – we hop up and down the most, anyway. But it gives me a great vantage point to watch the action, interaction, and laughter. I like nothing more than to park my usually-talkative self down there with the last of my wine and just listen – listen to the stories and the laughter and the secrets that are shared over a meal.
When planning a formal dinner party, I also try to keep in mind my guest list – too many extroverts and no one gets a word in, too many introverts and the silence around the table is deafening. I try to plan for some of each and it usually has the opposite effect – the quiet ones get talking and you learn amazing things! How couples met and fell in love, stories of sadness and gladness and joy.
This is putting me in the mood for a party…I love autumn dinner parties!
Lack of conversation has not been our problem, if anything, we have had to talk to the children when they were younger and remind THEM to ask our guests questions and LISTEN. My hubby and I worked on it along with our children because we are both major talkers. :) We would even give our children a quarter for looking into our guests eyes. After our guests would leave we would ask them to tell us the colors of their eyes. THAT REALLY helped conversation at our dinner time! :)
I don’t know that we’ve often been at a loss for conversation. Oftentimes I find that I have one or two guests who are good at carrying conversation or bringing up interesting topics.
(My previous response was to Kim.)
Conversation has never been difficult for me. I can usually get the ball rolling if things start to get quiet. I would have to say it’s a gift from God. People have told me I’m the life of the party, which I don’t say to sound proud. God has given me the personality for entertaining. Hospitality is definitely one of my gifts. I love having people over and making them feel like family. I had my personality profile down years back and I am an off the charts sanguine! I just love being people.
I love this response! The nice thing about being around the table talking, is that everyone is seated close to each other. Feels like family.
This is always my biggest concern when I have dinner parties, keeping the conversation flowing and encouraging! I love to think of questions such as the one above as conversations starters. You should do a post just on conversation starters one day! :)
My hardest challenge with conversation is to somehow relocate everyone FROM the dining table to more comfortable chairs in the living room. LOL! It’s like we eat and then still sit there talking, all the while my butt’s going numb from the wooden chairs. Either that or I need to buy cushions and stay put!
We rarely make it to the living room. We usually sit at the table all night and play games after dinner.