Day 11. Stress-Free Entertaining: Forget it! We Have Kids!
My husband and I have entertained with kids for almost 18 years now, and somewhere along the way our 3 little cherubs have grown into teenagers. Yes, it’s more stressful to entertain with kids, especially little kids.
Here’s an honest comment that came to me recently:
I find often that my perfectionism is more centered around me being concerned with having 4 children ages 10 and under – what they will do, what I will do with them, what families do I invite – ones with kids, ones without – what about the ones where their youngest is the age of my oldest – what do I have for the older kids to do so they don’t feel like they’re babysitting mine? How do us grown-ups enjoy the time while dealing with the disagreements that seem to inevitably happen between the kids? Sometimes, as much as I hate it, I almost feel it would be easier to hire a babysitter to watch the kids somewhere else while my husband and I could spend time building relationships with others – but then that’s under false pretenses as well. – RE reader
Do you know how many times I’d struggled with the thought – it’s just too hard? I know I’ve struggled with perfectionism a bit. I had in my mind that things had to be or look a certain way, and then before I knew it, my whole plan would deviate or go haywire. But I learned to go with the flow, and to realize that it was part of life.
I learned to make it work by practice. I watched my friends make it work, and my parents had made it work with me and my sisters. We let go of what we thought was “perfect” and focused on the important – and in the process we raised hospitable kids. My husband and I were talking last night about how our kids got to an age where they were expected to hold their grievances until later when the guests were gone. We had a lot of conversations with our kids when they were little. They have to be taught about hospitality. How to act. What they could and could not get away with.
Planning a stress-free dinner with kids
– Know it will not be perfect – ever
– Chat with the kids ahead of time and prepare them with your expectations
– Feed the kids first
– Have an activity for them to do after their meal
– Soak up the few minutes of adult-time around the table and be thankful for what you get
Planning a stress-free meal with no kids
– Hire a babysitter to come over to entertain the kids
– Feed the kids first, then send them on their way while the adults eat
– Again, know that there is a possibility that things will go south
I am so thankful I didn’t say “no” to entertaining during the past 18 years.
I’m glad we have kids.
I’m happy we did not say no to entertaining with kids.
I’m thankful for 18 years of memories and so much more.
I can look back and honestly say we’ve raised hospitable kids.
Lastly, I think about the amazing friendships that have been forged around our dinner table–that many times included our kids.
In what areas do you struggle with entertaining with kids?
The pictures in this post are from the new October edition Yum for Kids Magazine. Reluctant Entertainer is featured on a few pages (thank you Kristen Doyle, from Dine and Dish), and you can buy this magazine from Wal Mart, Target or Barnes and Noble!
More 31 Days with my friends …
Chatting at the Sky, Nesting Place, Balancing Beauty and Bedlam, My First Kitchen, Life With My 3 Boybarians, Remodeling This Life, The Inspired Room
Thanks for this. My kids are 4 and under and you have just transformed the way I see hospitality. Thanks for saving my holiday dear! God bless you, Cintia.
Pingback: 31 Days to Stress-Free Entertaining! — Reluctant Entertainer
Our children are grown, but I stress about the three dogs we have. They are not mean dogs, but they bark like crazy when new people come over. The border collie is just plain hyper. Also, I know people can be afraid of a large barking dog and some people are allergic. They finally settle down, but it is crazy every time the door bell rings.
I’ve never let entertaining with kids (whether ours or someone elses) keep me from entertaining. Sometimes if we want to do dinner with families who have kids who are quite a bit younger then ours we have found that eating at their house and sharing the meal works great. Then their kids are in an atmosphere that is comfortable for them. Of course I also believe kids need to learn how to function in a home other than their own.
When we have friends over who have children younger than our girls we make sure we have planned ahead things for the kids to do. The girls will get toys out that are kid friendly. My girls thankfully just love to play with kids and enjoy it alot.
Wow! this takes me down memory lane. I’ve always had a home open for others and I taught my kids alongside me as I did it. So many good memories!—-and they each practice hospitality in their homes regularly. (The youngest, a college freshman, recently made 2am pancakes for a dorm full of guys studying past the midnite hour—it just makes me smile).
We live in a gorgeous home now, but when they were little, we rented a very interesting, not so beautiful home, then lived in a very used single wide mobile home, for over a year, while our house was being built. But we always, always had extra people around our table. I’m certain there were mishaps, broken dishes, kid fights, tantrums, etc. But that is not what stands out in the memories. It’s the friendships, laughter, tears and humanness of it all. My children were not banished to the kids table (I hated that when I was a kid) and so they learned alot from the people of all ages around our table, and they became worthy conversationalists too. And—–in many ways—-our friends are theirs too. They have had this very large circle of people who knew them well enough, had grown fond enough, to keep them in prayer as they grew up and met with life challenges of their own. What a rich thing, beyond what I could ask or think.
oops—college sophmore—sorry Daniel LOL
Love this! As a pastor’s wife, I feel like my home needs to always be “company ready” since we live in the church parsonage. However, I have 3 kids – 6,3, and 3 months, and we homeschool. We truly LIVE in our home. I love having people over, and I do stress out about wanting things to be “just so.” I have to get over the fact that the entire house can’t be spotless all the time – so I strive for the kitchen and living room, and the bathroom to be remotely clean – that way if someone stops by I am not scrambling to do damage control…
One problem we tend to run into is my own kids acting out/showing off when company comes over. We go over the expected behavior before company arrives, but most of the time it doesn’t help.
Any suggestions??
I am so glad you wrote about entertaining with kids! I feel like so many things that I read about hospitality, entertaining, etc. should have a caveat that says “unless you have kids.” I have had such a desire to entertain and we have a house that is perfect for entertaining but, I’ve always held back because I have an almost-3-year old and an almost-1-year old. Getting the house clean enough for company, much less cooking for company, seemed beyond my abilities. But you have inspired me to be brave. I recently hosted a potluck dinner at my house for my mom’s group at church and their families, 30 people in total. I was nervous, and everything went wrong that day. I We got home from an emergency doctor’s appointment an hour before guests were to arrive. Needless to say, I was a little frazzled. But everything worked out, everyone had fun, and when I was busy taking care of my kids, the other moms stepped in and did what needed to be done. Hosting families with toddlers worked out great because they all understood. I will definitely do it again! Thank you!
Sandy,
Great post. I would love to hear your thoughts on how to handle other people’s children who do not have manners, and well, basically want to destroy your house….this is something that we struggle with as empty nesters. I always want everyone to feel welcome but I also want my home to remain reasonably intact in the process…do you have any suggestions?
Love what you have to say about this! We have done the same thing and it is so fun to watch our children be hospitable and plan gatherings at our home, now…roles have reversed a bit and they love initiating what needs to get done and we love it when they ask us for our help! The tradition of entertaining is being passed down to the nest generation before our very eyes and it is a beautiful thing!
I too would like to know how to handle other people’s kids in front of their own parents. I don’t like confrontation and I don’t want another mom to feel I’ve insulted her. I think it’s a myth that if you raise your kid on this or that principle they will always turn out a certain way–and I certainly wouldn’t always want to be judged on my child’s behavior. Sometimes, though, I have to stand up for my child when a playdate goes south, for instance. The other moms stand up for their kids and don’t seem to feel bad about it, so I don’t know why I do. I haven’t had this situation happen at a party at my house, but I’m sure that would add to the problem as there would be property possibly being damaged and it wouldn’t be as easy to remove oneself from the situation. So anyway, I’d love to know the best way to handle this firmly and effectively but without coming off as judgmental or too harsh.
Or I could always just invite my retired kindergarten teacher mom over and she would keep the kids in line, guaranteed ;-)
I don’t have kids, but I can imagine it would be difficult to cook a nice meal with them around. Love the post.
http://ashleyanderic.blogspot.com
I am totally with Kim- other people’s kids stress me out more than anything. In fact, other children can stress MY children out and I’ve had to learn how to prepare for those possibilities. I have had the same question as Kim did, too, and when I brought this up with a Titus 2 woman in my life she answered yes, go ahead and correct the child. Obviously, there is a gracious way to do that, but a child who is banging a metal car on my glass china cabinet door should not be allowed to continue while mom watches on…or puts his tennis shoes on my dining room wall…etc.
We raised 4 kids, now in their 20s, and often had other families/kids over. I believe it’s part of the reason our kids now enjoy opening their homes, and a part of the reason they are all giving people. When you open your home, you give a part of yourself to others.
Re terrorist child-guests, in our home we had rules that our kids were expected to live by and I encouraged our kids to share those with our child-guests. If the child-guests were unresponsive, I would explain a particular rule or two to the child-guest in front of the parents and usually that worked. If the parents were so errant that they still let things go on, we’d end the evening early. Gee I’m sorry, but we’re going to have to call it a night here. Gracious but firm. Paul Coughlin’s books No More Christian Nice Guy/Girl can be very helpful for dealing with people situations, along with Miz Sandy’s RE book!
I’ve never let having children stop me from entertaining. In fact they LOVE it when we have company. On the other hand I will let my decision about inviting people over depend on THEIR children. I’ve had a family of 10 over for dinner one time and everything was great. You would not have known there were 11 kids in my house.
But I’ve also had just a friend over for lunch with just ONE child and he stressed me out the whole time they were there because of the way he was acting and treating MY kids.
I have a question. Is it alright to reprimand someone elses child if they sit back and do nothing while their child terrorizes my home?
Have a fabulous day my friend!
I have five children aged 6 and under and we live in a house that is approx 700 square feet and under renovation. We recently had friends who have six kids of their own (the youngest 3 are 9 month old triplets) over to visit. They stayed at a nearby cabin and joined us for lunch and dinner for two days running. We had pasta, make your own salad sandwiches, roast lamb with steamed and roast veg and homemade pizza. It is so doable! Plan ahead and make what you can days in advance, expect disaster and have a sense of humor. It is even better if you have a secure back yard for the kids to play in afterward! When we returned the visit, our friends had a bonfire and we all stood around that to eat – the dogs did the clean up after and we threw our paper plates in the fire. Memories my children will have for life!